Need some insights with a lady I am dating

[BlackGoaty]

To give a quick background, I have been dating this lady for slightly over a year. Have met her family except for her brother and his family who have moved away to his wife's country of residence. The brother is going to be a dad coming January and she will be travelling with her parents to visit his family and newborn. Couple of months back, she asked me if I would like to travel with her and her family to visit her brother (for the first few days) and we will then go on side trips on our own to the other states without her family. Back then,I said I am keen to go.

 

I did not bring the trip up until few nights ago she asked again if I am still keen to go with her on the trip to which I replied I am since I have not been to her brother's country of residence before. I told her to let me know the dates so I can take time off from my work. However, she then went on to tell me she is no longer keen in taking the side trips and will just stay throughout with her family and spending time with them and she is unsure if I want to join if this is the case. She thinks there will be some family drama going on during the trip and she thinks that I may not want to go because of it. I am not that close with her family but through her, i know about quite a fair bit.

 

I told her that if that is the case it will be awkward for me to be around and therefore I will not go with her on this trip. I did add on that if she want me to go, I would go to give her support (from whatever drama that might take place) to which she replied that it is not the point of whether she want me to go along with her.

 

As this was done via texting, I would want to speak to her in person but I want to sort out/process some thoughts out myself first.

 

1. Why would she still ask me if I am keen to go Japan when she is no longer taking the side trips.

 

2. If she really don't want me to come along, would she even start asking in such a manner?

 

3. Should I insist on going because I want to be there with her but i am not sure how this will work out.

 

Any insights to help me process my thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

[Moneypenny]

There is no reason why you shouldn't go, and that way you will be giving her some support. You don't have to allow yourself to get dragged into family 'issues'. If your other half doesn't want to join you on 'outside' trips, then take some time off and go alone and explore the country, but come back in due time.

 

She probably thinks you'll become bored if you stay and do the whole 'family thing'. But you can be there, AND do something that interests you too, such as exploring the country.

[Stay_home]

How long does she plan on staying there?

[BlackGoaty]

Money Penny - Oh yes I'll definitely do my own thing if she needs the time alone with the family to do my own exploration.

 

2-sided-coin - Not sure how long she planned to stay there, we have not really discussed it in detail. I am just contemplating. I would say probably about 2 weeks.

 

I do not want to disappoint her just because we are not going to go on our own trip which would probably make me self-centred (but in actual fact I am not), it is more of the family awkwardness and I do not want to come on too strongly to insist on going along.

[vickyylove]

I think she asked you if you were still keen as a way to bring up the subject, she couldn't just straight up say "I don't think you should come because of ..." I think it was a way to open up the conversation also a way to see how she would break how she thinks the holiday is going to go. I mean, that's how I would have started the conversation.

 

I don't think you should insist it's obvious you were looking forward to travelling there but it's her family trip, however I do think you should let her know if she would like you there for support then you would love to go with her.

[BlackGoaty]

vickyylove : Thanks for your insights which is actually what I am thinking of along that lines. You are right that I have been obvious about looking forward to it. Well, I shall leave it as it is for now and see how it goes.