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How can I fix this situation


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Hi I just joined this site some other posts have really given me some insight!! =D



Ok so I'm 21 years old, male and in college. For all 4 years of high school I was a loner. I had no friends and I was bullied consistently (I was really fat and bad at sports so I was an easy target). Because of this I shut myself down emotionally to deal with the pain of having no friends. Once I graduated from highschool and started college I was still emotionally shut down but I was doing a little better. My whole first year I was alone I had no friends and I went straight home after class like high school.


In my second year I got a job inside the school fixing computers. I was so happy because I didn't feel so lonely and like a loser and that people were talking to me and teaching me things. Within my first week I met an intern who became one of my great friends I have now. He saw that I was so quiet and awkward and barely talked and he talked to me constantly and made me laugh helped me out whenever I needed etc. He was my first friend I have had since middle school and I was so happy my life was looking up. As the months went by we would talk and I was opening up bit by bit letting my guard down and showing some personality again. After a few months he introduced me to his other friends who now we all hang out as one big group of friends. He introduced me to all the friends I have now.


Recently however, there has been problems. I am a lot more open and talkative now but I still have trouble letting people fully in. I can talk to people but they forget my name the next day even though we spent an hour talking and I can remember their name. I feel very distant from my group of friends now. I feel that they shun me now because I'm not as outgoing/fun as them. I just can't open myself up to that level yet because I get nervous about what people would say even thought I'm an adult and in college. They all hang out in front of the school and when I see them we all greet each other and have small talk and then they all leave me out of the conversations. They (about 6-7 people in our group) will have convos and not include me at all and sometimes they'll look right past me to someone who is behind me to get them to join.


I know it sounds silly but I don't want to be lonely again, I just can't take it again. I want to feel like I'm loved/wanted by my friends I would do anything for them but I feel like they wont do the same for me. I think that I care more about them then they do me which makes sense because I have not had friends for so long that I have become too attached. I think of them as my brothers and sisters, they ask me to hangout but only as a last resort when someone else cancels and even then when were out I feel like a third wheel and I am left out of the conversations again. Even in facebook no one comments on my wall unless its a farmville/cityville request or something. I have gotten 30 notifications one day not a single one was a "hey how ya doing" or wanna go out?. I just don't know what to do I don't wanna lose my friends but I can't stand being pushed aside like this.


Sorry for the long post but I wanted to be somewhat detailed

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Unfortunately society puts 'value' on people's looks, meaning if you aren't mr.muscle or miss boobini you won't get much attention. However just because you don't have that, doesn't mean there aren't other area's you couldn't be great at.


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Just train an hour each morning before going to school, and go on a diet and things should improve. If you know looks are condemning you better do something about your looks in order to get a better treatment.


If you have some value of your own, then you don't have to lean on others anymore, you'll become more independent in that way.

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I understand how you feel mate

I was pretty outgoing and sociable before highschool. When i entered year 7 i became quiet and was a loner. I was bullied and i had to move schools. I gain confidence after talking to my close people like my mom and i felt better about myself than before. Its pretty easy to make friends, u just gotta choose the right one. Theres thousands even billions of people out there for u to make friends with, just go out there and look. IF u think these friends of urs ignore u and that ditch them and look for somone else. all that time u ve been spending unhappy times with them u could have been finding another person or group of friends who treat u better. U will find friends, everyone has friends eventually u will have to find them

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