Long Distance, for a long time

[BenKeyes]

My girlfriend and I have been together for 9 months now. We are very much in love, but there's a problem....shes planning on moving 6 hours away for school next fall. Its a long way away yet, but we're both nervous. I suggested an attempt at a long distance relationship, but she suggested we take a step back from the relationship, and when shes done school (in 4 years) we can come back together. My suggestion was that if we do it that way, we commit to not see other people in that time. I need some advice, how can we stay together, will this "step back" thing work? Can long distance work? Or are we determined to fail? I love her to death, and I don't want to lose her. Any help would be nice!

[LDRohnos]

I cannot comment on the LDR portion of the relationship as that is entirely up to you and her if you're willing to make it work.

 

What I can comment on is that the whole "Step Back From the Relationship" thing will not work out in any way, shape, manner or form. It basically means "lets break up and see in 4 years if we want to start a relationship again"...which it seems is what she wants.

 

Not committing to new people while broken up might seem okay for you now but it's like throwing handcuffs on the both of you when you realize you're not allowed to date other people while also NOT being in a relationship with each other. Why would you want to do that to yourself.

 

You're going to have to let her go if that's what she wants. It's either a LDR or a breakup.

[Stay_home]

Your answers are going to vary depending on who responds, but I'll chime in.

 

Perhaps if it was a couple months to a year that she would be away, you both might can try to stick it out and see what happens. Four years is a very vey long time and unfortunately life is funny in the sense that no matter how much you care about her it doesn't guarantee that things will workout. Six hours is a hell of a drive, hell of a flight to catch on Christmas Eve when you want to be together and can't.

 

It takes two very special kind of people to be in a long distance relationship. I'm not one of them, personally. I think they're a rip off to a serious & committed relationship that requires emotional as well as physical interaction. Some beg to differ. Again, I'm certainly not a poster-child for advertising anything having to do with more than a 45 minute drive so I don't know how great my advice is. If I were you, I would brace myself in preparation for having to let this relationship go. Not to mention, I think her mind has already been made up as she encourages the "step back."

[Tussin]

My ex and I were completely gung-ho about our relationship but when it came time for her to move, because she is in the military, she suddenly began checking out of the relationship mentally a week before she left, and three weeks later we were finished. She dumped me. Not that she found a new boyfriend though, I think she just didnt want to be, as referred to above, "handcuffed" to a guy who could only come out to see her once a month at the most..

 

So whatever..

 

Dont know how old you two are, but I am guessing a lot younger than me and my ex.. I was hoping with age would come maturity, but that is not always the case...

[DN]

I agree the step back won't work. Either you try and make the LDR work or break up. if she has doubts I think the break up is the best solution as hard as that may seem.

[annie24]

i think, unfortunately, that breaking up is the best option...

[SonOfShin]

Either make LDR work, or find a way to move with her. How many 9 month relationships is she going to fall in love with during 4 years? That wont work