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pleasecan you guys help me out here... i have been with my bf for 7 years.. for the first 3 monthsi felt like i had met my perfect partner.. very attentive loving and affectionate..he moved in with me after another 2 months and then i started to notice his controlling side.. like he would not allow my daughter or anybody into our bedroom and my daughter wasnt allowed to use the hairdryer and straightners he bought me as she had her own that kinda thing... anyhow 2 months in and one night he says to me that he feels he needs space and wants to move back in with his mum and dad.. i was heartbroken but had to allow him his space so he moves back in with them.. we still carried on seeing each other then a couple months later he txt me early one morning and said he loves me but is not in love with me anymore and that he would like to stay friends and be like the big brother i never had... i was devastated but nothing i could do... so for the next nine months i would see him every couple of weeks where he would come over and take me out hold my hand all night and say things like.. maybe one day we will be together but not now and that he knows he has to have me in his life...and sometimes he even said he loves me... anyhow because we were apart i decided one night to check his phone.. wrong i know.. but it was then that i found a txt to this woman he had been friendly with from a dating agency before we met ( when we met he txt her in front of me and said.. he couldnt talk to her any more cause he was in a relationship) saying that he loved her and could not wait to meet her for the first time.. the time the txt was sent was half hour after he left my bed saying he loved me.. so i txt him that i knew and that i wanted nothing more to do with him... four weeks later he txt me to say he done nothing wrong and could we talk.. of course i caved in cause i loved him so much but things ere no different.. i started to get fed up with this and started to draw away from him and it was at this time that he came back to me and we got back together... for the next six years we broke up and made up so many times.. each time would be cause of something that set him off... once was cause i let my son in law in my bedroom and he didnt like it saying my knickers could of been on the floor and another time cause my daughter was watching something on tv and he wanted to watch the footie results.. he said she controls me and im pathetic.. each time he would storm off and i would then get a barrage of abusive txt from him saying things like your mutton dressed as lamb your not your daughters age so stop acting like it.. or that i was a user and fake that i was getting fat that kinda thing (im 9st 4) 5ft 7 then after a few weeks of not talking he would txt me so many lovely txt telling me im the best thing thats ever happened to him and no woman on this earth could take him away from me that im beautiful and that he would die for me.. we would always end up together again and it was passionate.. but during these times my kids would seeme hurt know what he had said and gradually came to hate him but for my sake were never ever rude to him... anyhow about 2 months ago we had our latest row.. this was because i got a new puppy when i already have a dog and also that my daughter who is 21 didnt have a sheet on her bed and he thought it disgusting and that she worked in a sweet shop so he storms off back to his mum and dads and for the first time my daughter who had heard the row txt him saying why did he think she needed to get in the real worl cause she only works in a sweet shop when he lives with his mum and dad at age 49 that he was pathetic.. so we didnt speak for a few days then i had to meet him to get my spare car keys.. i had missed him and said lets try to sort this but he said no he needs a break time on his own.. but a week later he txt me saying he missed me and can we talk.. so i go to his house and he says.. i cant come to yours (i think he would be embarrased) so the only way we can be together is if you come here as i got to have you in my life so thats what we were doing for the past few weeks but sometimes i felt like making an excuse not to go it seemed boring... but one night i went over 2 weeks ago we got talking he goes where is this going i said i dont know he goes i love you but dont feel that spark... i kinda felt the same way so i said shall we agree that its come to a natural end but we can stay friends as that way both of us can easier get over each other so he agrees to this.. i was okay with this for a while and for the first week apart he called me every morning to wake me up and said i love you at the end of every call.. then one night he calls me up we were chatting and he goes im gonna have to take the photos of you and me off facebook.. this hurt me as i felt he was wiping me out his life so soon after finishing.. then couple days later i had to meet him to give him some money and he goes...( i joined a dating site just to see) i goes to see what.. and he says just to see how many emails i got but i never talk to the women they are all rank.. i said why would you even think of doing such a thing that thought would never of entered my head.. it rally hurt that he could be thinking of moving on that soon.... i started to think maybe i was still in love with him if it hurt this much to think of him with another woman so when i again had to go and see him i told him i was till in love with him and could we work something out.. he said nothing would ever change and that he felt numb like his feelings were locked away.. we had a drink then he said you cant have any more cause if you do you wont be able to drive home and you cant stay as you know what will happen and i wont have you as a shag buddy.. he then goes ( do you want a cuddle as friends!!!) and proceeds to lay on the bed and cuddle me.. anyhow i drove home and then did the wrong thing.. i got his password and went on his dating site and there were loads of emails he had sent to women saying things like ( you are so pretty i may not stand a chance with you but lucky man that gets to love and have you in his life) that really hurt cause wasnt he lucky to have me? and another thing he said was ( you never know i may just be the one!!!) he said that to me when we first met....and also he has arranged to meet up with a woman tomorrow and i am in pieces i am crying constantly i cant eat all i do from when i get up to when i go to bed is think about him and its driving me mad... pleas can you advise me what i should do.... i didnt hear from him in a week so i quickly txt him that my son scored the winning goal and literally within 30secs he calls me really pleased to hear from me.... said he was gonna ring the day before.. i dont know hat i should do should i stop all contact.. should i tell him what i know..please please please please hellllp me... p.s. i am 54 and pretty he is 49 p.p.s the woman he is meeting is five nine big boned and not very pretty please help x

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Okay, firstly... punctuation and sentence structure are your friends. Use them. Secondly, you've got a lot of history with this guy. But, he can't be trusted. He has proven that to you too many times to count, it seems, and I'm sure many more times you haven't discussed. It's time to end it. If you don't like controlling, there's nothing that can be done about it. People don't change. Not really.

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I know how hard this is. I have been there. Yes, you need to cut him off altogether. If he's arranging to meet other women, what does that tell you? With all the baggage and all the deception. Think about all the other times YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT that he has been with other women. That's right, don't think for a second that you know them all. Cry and grieve for the end of you and him and you moving on as just you. It's natural to cry. You will not fall to pieces. Let yourself grieve. Be strong and ignore this tool. He doesn't deserve you. This is easier said than done. But, what you do now, you will thank yourself for in the future. Don't make the mistakes that I did. Trust me, the outcome will be far worse.

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ok i havedrafted out a txt im thinking of sending him i have two actually what do you think 1st txt... Hi i have to tell you this honestly that i cant maintain friendly contact with you without thinking of you as more than a friend and its hurting me to try and since your saying you want to be on your own right now then i have to let you go and do just that and in the meantime i have to get over you and i cant do that by keeping contact i cant be your friend all the while im emotionally attached to you and i need to get that behind me and move on myself before i could consider myself to be friends with you . iI do wish you all the best in your life goodbye x and the other is >>> Hi i know i said that we could be friends but we cant. In order for me to move on i need to cut all contact with you. im sorry for this but after this txt i am going to delete your number and my facebook. i do wish you all the best in your life. Goodbye x

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tks vickyylove.. i thought that too.. i just dont understand how he can just stop loving me and knowing how i feel ( cause i told him) to just go ahead and arrange a date with this woman.. do you think he is doing that because he thinks he has got me there where he wants... im finding it so so hard to let go but in my mind i know for sure its the right thing to do.. its so hard for me to send that txt as i feel comfortable with knowing that if i dont at least i can see him and talk to him

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Hey There Marshallmog!

 

I think you should end contact with this guy. I'm sure you love him, but the relationship the two of you have is so unhealthy.

 

If he wants to be with another woman, let him go, at least he won't be upset about you dumping him. If you dump him when he has no prospects he may make life even more difficult for you.

 

Aren't you tired of being hurt by this person all of the time? You deserve better, it sounds like you've had enough heartbreak already.

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its so hard to send that txt its sitting on my phone in drafts.. today is the day when i know he will be with her and i still gotta go to work and try to get through today.. yes im sick and tired of being hurt but the whole nice mean cycle that he does confuses me so much... he treats me so well when we are good and so bad when we are not.. still dont understand how he is moving on so quickly after we split... do you think he will do the same to this one if he stays with her as he did to me... or even what am i going to do if i send that txt and for a while he doesnt care then when he tires of new woman starts bombarding me with txt again.. do you think i will be strong enough by that point to keep up no contact when all i want at the moment is to have him back in my life.. strange as that may be x

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