catron Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 i recently moved to the city to be closer to my boyfriend after 3 and a half years of being long distance and as soon as i moved there he broke up with me. its been two months now and im utterly miserable in the city. all my friends there where his friends so im really lonely and my job has cut my hours so i can barely afford my rent. i dont know what to do everything reminds me of our memories together here but i really dont want to go back home as there is nothing there for me neither but i think i need to be as far away from him as possible to get over him properly so maybe moving home to my parents will be good for a short while. i cannot decide. i bumped into him two days ago to which he admitted he still loves me and hasnt been with anyone since we split up he is an honest guy and wouldnt lie about these things but he finished the conversation with he still doesnt want to be with me because he knows we cant be together for long as he is due to be an officer in the army. do i stay and wait for him or do i go home and get over him? im so confused about the whole situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jakdax Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 If he s going into the army and ur already struggling with rent then u should move back home . Give urself time to think and regroup on home ground. who knows ye might rekindle the ldr but leave ur options open. He obviously didnt inform you he joined otherwise why would he have let you move ? Going home hard but staying somewhere for no reason is harder . Not here for long in this life might as well live it than wait Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catron Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 he hasnt joined up as yet. he is going next year but is preparing for tests and things at the moment. i think me moving here made him think we were getting serious and thought that maybe to save later heartache when he is away training at the other side of the country and to be honest it would probably never work. i understand why he has done it but i still feel there is a lot more to our relationship to happen and to be honest i would stick with him through the army. i think your completely right about going home to regroup and re-evaluate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanzi Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 Why on earth did he let you go ahead and move only to end things and I'm not sure why going away to be an officer in the army should change things ... If he was serious about you he could still be in a relationship with you. I think that is just an excuse but I guess that doesn't really matter. What matters is that you are on your own in unfamiliar territory and can barely afford your rent. I agree with jakdax, I really think you should go home to your parents. It must feel good to be surrounded by some familiarity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanzi Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 i think me moving here made him think we were getting serious "getting serious"?? I would have thought it already was serious for you to move to be closer to him after 3.5 years in a LDR! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catron Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 i think it was a sign that we were settling down and we are both only 21 and this is our first relationship. for him to be an officer it would mean hardly any contact for a year as he would have to train constantly. the place he is going to train they say that 80% start with girlfriends and at the end 10% still have them. even the strongest relationships are tested so i understand his reasonings a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pl3asehelp Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 i think it was a sign that we were settling down and we are both only 21 and this is our first relationship. for him to be an officer it would mean hardly any contact for a year as he would have to train constantly. the place he is going to train they say that 80% start with girlfriends and at the end 10% still have them. even the strongest relationships are tested so i understand his reasonings a bit. Sounds like his career comes first. Is that what you're looking for in a partner? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LDRohnos Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 It doesn't seem like you knew this man nearly as well as you thought you did. In an LDR things are very lax and "detached" and some people that aren't ready for a daily/semi-daily commitment can maintain those types of relationships simply because they're not tied down or feel like they HAVE to be there. Apparently this was true in your case, once you moved near him he bolted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanzi Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 i think it was a sign that we were settling down and we are both only 21 and this is our first relationship. for him to be an officer it would mean hardly any contact for a year as he would have to train constantly. the place he is going to train they say that 80% start with girlfriends and at the end 10% still have them. even the strongest relationships are tested so i understand his reasonings a bit. Well 21 is still young I agree but its a shame he couldn't have realised all of this (or told you if he already had) before you made the move. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jakdax Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 i dont mean to sound rude .But she s already moved and there and looking for advice about her next move not critizisim for how she got there. i think almost all of us do things for love that seem like a mistake but it helps us grow and she ll be a stronger person. i do agree that ex has some problem but u should take prioity now and even as confused as u are about him your money siduation should take preference .Go back home. It s the right thing to do for you. You can try figure him out then and resolve things but maybe a little blue right he s not able for the day to day stuff in which case i d walk away but thats me. You ve to decide for yourself what you want but do it at home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanzi Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 i dont mean to sound rude .But she s already moved and there and looking for advice about her next move not critizisim for how she got there. i think almost all of us do things for love that seem like a mistake but it helps us grow and she ll be a stronger person. i do agree that ex has some problem but u should take prioity now and even as confused as u are about him your money siduation should take preference .Go back home. It s the right thing to do for you. You can try figure him out then and resolve things but maybe a little blue right he s not able for the day to day stuff in which case i d walk away but thats me. You ve to decide for yourself what you want but do it at home. That was actually LDRohnos that said that Anyway I would just like to point out that I wasn't criticising the OP, her ex maybe but not catron. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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