XxJustMexX Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 OK, I've written about my current boyfriend in the past in the shy guy section back when I was having trouble figuring him out because of his shyness. Now I come for something a little different. Just a recap if you don't know my story... I was questioning the signals I was getting from my now boyfriend because his shyness was causing a lot of mixed signals... I'd known he was in love with me for months but he never made a move so I took initiative and opened up first to assure him that the feelings were reciprocated... Anyway... Since my last posts, we've been officially dating and in a relationship and he's opened up a lot more and is definitely comfortable with me now. I'm no longer questioning his feelings because he's definitely been more affectionate and the shyness is going away. He has no problem calling me his girlfriend now and we're definitely headed in the right direction. Here's the thing, because of his shyness and a little low self-esteem, he has a lot of trouble verbally opening up. He shows his love to me in many other ways, and I don't doubt how he feels for me... No doubts at all. We actually make our friends sick with how great we are together and how madly in love we are with each other. Sooooo, the other night he and a couple friends and I were drinking and very unexpectedly, he tells me he loves me. To be honest I wasn't expecting it to be this soon because of how shy and reserved he is. I mean, I KNOW he loves me. I can see it... my friends can see it. He's the sweetest most wonderful guy I've ever dated and he does everything in his power to make me happy. I too am madly in love with him. And yes, I said it back. Now, two days later I'm wondering if he even remembers saying it. I think he does. I'm just wondering though, because how special those three words are, how to take it. I mean, I don't need to hear the words, I see it in his actions every day. But as a human being, I do want to know if he meant it. I guess I'm asking if it would be a good idea to bring it up and ask him, or just let it fly and wait for him to say it again...? Again... I don't need to hear the words. There's not an hour in my day that goes by that he doesn't show it to me... But I guess it would be nice to hear it and give me a little extra security. He's extremely shy so he shows me a lot how much he cares, rarely with words so that's really why I'm pondering this... Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 I mean, I don't need to hear the words, I see it in his actions every day. But as a human being, I do want to know if he meant it. What??? This makes no sense. If you don't need to hear it, then why are you going to ask him again? If he's so shy, your just going to make him feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. Let it go. Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 I don't think you should bring it up.. if he doesn't remember saying it it might weird him out.. just wait until he says it again. If you see it in his actions anyway, then you know anyway.. Link to comment
arrakis77 Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 I mean, I don't need to hear the words, I see it in his actions every day. But as a human being, I do want to know if he meant it. I guess I'm asking if it would be a good idea to bring it up and ask him, or just let it fly and wait for him to say it again...? He was uninhibited when he said it, so even he probably doesn't know whether he fully meant it or not at the time. He is thinking about it for sure, so I suggest you wait silently and not mention it in any way. For it to have the substance you want, it will need to come when he's ready mentally and emotionally to say it. Link to comment
DN Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 People often say things when they are drunk they wish they could say when they are sober. Link to comment
XxJustMexX Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 What??? This makes no sense. If you don't need to hear it, then why are you going to ask him again? If he's so shy, your just going to make him feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. Let it go. It's not again, I never asked a first time. He said it on his own... I know about the uncomfortability, which is the main reason I never brought it up, and also the reason I'm here asking for opinions... There would be no need for him to be embarassed because we assure each other every day how much we do love each other, we just haven't said it yet. He's been in love with me for months now, so I know he feels it, he's just too shy to say it. I personally haven't been waiting for it because I know he does by his actions. And I actually didn't expect it for months, I was just surprised he said it so fast because of how shy he is... My main concern is that he does remember saying it, and he's already embarassed and is pondering it himself... And my asking and talking about it would assure him that I feel the same way. Know what I'm saying? I don't think you should bring it up.. if he doesn't remember saying it it might weird him out.. just wait until he says it again. If you see it in his actions anyway, then you know anyway.. That's the direction I'm leaning towards. I'm happy just the way things are. With or without the words. He was uninhibited when he said it, so even he probably doesn't know whether he fully meant it or not at the time. He is thinking about it for sure, so I suggest you wait silently and not mention it in any way. For it to have the substance you want, it will need to come when he's ready mentally and emotionally to say it. Of course. I haven't pressured him at all. I'm already very proud of his progress since we've been dating. When we started out he was so over the top shy that even touching me was too much of an anxiety attack for him. A lot of his feelings would come out to me when we're drinking, but now it's starting to come out while sober too, so his comfortability level with me is definitely getting better. That was part of one of my last posts, about how he was only able to be comfortable with me when drinking. We're past that stage thank God and he's able to be comfortable with me out of a shy guy's comfort level... He's just struggling with being more verbal with me... But he's like this with everyone. People often say things when they are drunk they wish they could say when they are sober. This is why I question it. He's definitely one of these people. Ever since we've met, he's a very shy and quiet reserved guy. A lot of our "beginning relationship" occurred while drinking. I've basically chalked it up to him using alcohol as a way to open up with me and do the things he wants to do and say the things he wants to say that he can't when he's sober. He's no alcoholic by any means, but I can tell when he's sober that he wants to get closer, but is definitely too scared to so he waits until he's had a beer. He has no problem physically and emotionally showing me how much he cares when he's sober, it's the verbal part that he has an issue with. Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 I don't think it's a big issue. He said it, and you said it back. That's all that matters. You can always say it again and gage his reaction. You don't need to wait for him to say it first. Link to comment
jakdax Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 What i think is yer all being to hard on xxjustmexx . of course she want s to hear it again . so ease up will ye ? He probably does remember but is too shy to say. they others are right though u should wait for him to say it again. What goes in sober comes out drunk ! Relax ur on the right path Link to comment
XxJustMexX Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 What i think is yer all being to hard on xxjustmexx . of course she want s to hear it again . so ease up will ye ? He probably does remember but is too shy to say. they others are right though u should wait for him to say it again. What goes in sober comes out drunk ! Relax ur on the right path No worries jak. No one's being hard on me, I take it with stride and am open for any and all suggestions. I do honestly think he knew what he was saying. I just don't want to make him worry about it, because he's kind of that type of person. That's why I thought about bringing it up and then telling him how I felt too to assure him that what what he feels is reciprocated. But I think I'll just let it go... Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 I have pretended to be drunker than I am to tell the girl I love them, or want us to be taken serious. It helps me measure a reaction, and step it up next time I am sober. Yes, I used to be really shy, so this was my corney game back then. My ex one time blurted out she loved me, it caught me really off-guard. That set me up to tell her I loved her a few weeks later. Link to comment
XxJustMexX Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 I have pretended to be drunker than I am to tell the girl I love them, or want us to be taken serious. It helps me measure a reaction, and step it up next time I am sober. Yes, I used to be really shy, so this was my corney game back then. My ex one time blurted out she loved me, it caught me really off-guard. That set me up to tell her I loved her a few weeks later. I think he does this a lot, which is why I do think he knew what he was saying. I know him well enough to know that no matter how wasted he gets, he's still the same person, just less shy and more prone to say things I know he wants to say when he's sober because of his shyness. I do find that even after one beer he's A LOT more open so I do really think it's a psychological thing with him and he uses booze to crawl out of his shell... Ya he caught me off guard too. I just didn't expect him to say that for months. I always figured I'd be the first to say it anyway because of how shy he is. To be honest with you, I do love him and I do badly want to let him know so this eases a lot of my nervousness from telling him any time in the future... Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Thats why beer is called liquid courage. Shy guys drink it and dont care about rejection or what people think. And if my ex asked if i meant what i said when i was drunk, depending on her reaction that night and when she asked, I might deny it to avoid having the spotlight on me. I remember one date I was witty, funny, and confident, the next date I didnt drink, I was quiet and reserved, it was hilarious, I made sure I let this girl know I am way more open when I am drunk so she doesnt get a hit to her self-esteem. Just take is step by step and dont pressure him, and dont be impatient. I wouldnt be surprised that once he gets out of his shell he will be a little goofy and talkative. Link to comment
XxJustMexX Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 Well... we were a little tipsy last night and I ended up asking him if he remembered what he said the other night. He said no I don't remember and asked me what he said. I couldn't tell him but he and our friend started saying come on, what'd he say... then our friend starts teasing and said awwww, he said the L word didn't he! And my boyfriend looks at me and says I'm not drunk right now, and this isn't drunk talk, but yes... I do... I love you. So since he really wasn't all that drunk, I think I got my answer. Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Yeah, figTrust he wanted that out of his chest. He was waiting for you to be eager to ask it and think about it. You wouldnt have asked a second time if you didnt want to hear it, as opposed to asking once and nodding with relief when he said he didnt remember (which would show you didnt want to hear it). Link to comment
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