Ladies, Does This Offend You?

[Lamour detruit]

Something rude and disrespectful is still rude and disrespectful, regardless of whether you do it once or a hundred times. The fact of the matter is that a woman is not a girl, and using the term to someone you don't know well or have rapport with is just asking for trouble.

 

Maybe so, but the woman who took offense to it had no place in writing a furious email about it. It was a mistake, but not that big a mistake.

[TheVP]

Looks like there is enough female consent that I misspoke, so I guess I'm going to "reply to all" to do my Mea culpa.

[wiseoldwoman]

What so many of you chastising the woman who wrote the email seem to be forgetting is that she's not here asking our opinion. Rather, the man who used the word "girl" to refer to adult women is here asking whether that's an inappropriate word to use in reference to a female assistant. How does the manner in which this was called to his attention have to do with anything? Either the word is appropriate in a professional setting or not. Whether it's brought to someone's attention in a positive way or a negative way has no bearing whatsoever on the answer to that question.

 

If there's one professional woman reading this thread who would not object to being referred to as a girl, please speak up. I don't believe men have the right to make the decision, so I - and perhaps the OP - would like to be hearing from those to whom the word refers think of it.

[Fudgie]

I personally wouldn't get offended unless "girl" was said in a derogatory manner.

 

I agree that what she did was WAY over the top. She sounds a bit psycho. I think if she had a problem with it, she should have spoken to you privately.

 

She basically did the digital equivalent of screaming at you in front of a group of people. Real mature on her part. She needs to get over herself.

 

To be safe though, I would refrain calling someone a "girl", "boy", or "guy" unless you know them better. Otherwise, just use professional terms. Don't want to get into trouble

[DN]

OP if you write to this woman you are saying that the action that she took in e-mailing you and everyone else was OK. That serves no one. Writing e-mails like that, particularly as a contract worker could cost her her position and she may find it difficult to get another.

[Tanzi]

What so many of you chastising the woman who wrote the email seem to be forgetting is that she's not here asking our opinion. Rather, the man who used the word "girl" to refer to adult women is here asking whether that's an inappropriate word to use in reference to a female assistant. How does the manner in which this was called to his attention have to do with anything?.

 

Well, I was assuming that the OP wanted to know whether or not the way in which this situation was dealt with was appropriate or justified. Personally, I don't think it was, unless there is a big chunk of information missing and the whole tone of the meeting was derogatory and the email wasn't based on just the misuse of the term "girl".

[RelaxByWater84]

I've had a boss refer to me as girl before. I didn't take offense since I knew he had a daughter my age. He would always apologize as it was difficult for him to think anyone his daughter's age was a young lady. He used the term girl in a non-threatening, non-demeaning way.

 

I think the way the woman handled it was wrong. I would have said something privately.

[Doc Blaze]

Well, I was an assitant to important men several times in my career, and when they called me "girl" I threatened to quite. In the course of my employment years I went to college and earned my AS, BA, and MHD while I was working full time and being a single mother. I was no one's "girl", I was a woman! When I hear this term applied by men to any woman over the age of 25, I just see red. I know of very few "men" who could do what I did. But I digress, yes, I think this woman was well withing her rights to say something. Us female "women" need to stand up for each other and that is exactly what she did. I never call men "boys", that would be totally inappropriate, wouldn't it?

 

^^^^ see i dont understand stuff like this. yea it was probably not right but get the background of everything. Does he do it often, does he put down woman all the time..how was it said and was it in a joking manner to put woman down...why do people feel the need to drag people through the mud to prove that I AM A WOMAN..and or i am this or what..lets CC the whole office...for what ...bring it to his bosses attention or his attention....obviously by his post he feels bad about the situation...

[lostandhurt]

All I can say is WOW!

 

VP,

Although you didn't mean any offense to your former assistant it would be best to referr to her or any woman in the most general of terms in the future. "I had this wonderful woman that used to be my assistant......" The fact that you asked the question shows to me that you are not defending what you did but simply trying to make sure you don't offend anyone in the future.

 

The woman that sent you the email was so far out of line I have a feeling something happened that triggered her wrath. A month has passed and she just now feels the need to scold you? I think she has some deep seeded resentment towards the company or men in general and you were on the recieving end of it. Her email was not professional (which is what she is mad at you for) and over the top. Do not reply to all but simply reply to her thanking her for pointing this out to you. Say nothing more and nothing less. I have a feeling your email back to her will be saved or forwarded to others so do not admit to doing anything wrong just thank her for pointing it out and you appreciate her input.

 

It seems some didn't read the first post carefully. VP admited he has made mistakes in the past and was willing to learn and that is why he asked this question.

 

Lost

[charity]

we are all comparing the words 'girl' to 'boy' and it comes off as sounding bad but what if we were to compare it to the word 'guy'? ie i had this guy who worked for me and he was amazing at his job''. i see this as a more appropriate comparison.

 

anyway whether people agree or disagree with the term thats used i think its fair to say that in this instance the way the lady dealt with the matter was a little over the top, a personal e mail to him would have been fair. i wonder does she not like him for some reason?