Madamdiva007 Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 Hey guys, so basically I just want your opinions on this, and I want to know how you would handle a situation where you felt this way. What would you do if you felt you were giving more than getting in a relationship? What would you do if you felt like the relationship meant much more to you than it did your SO? Link to comment
somethngwrng Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 It did to me, I gave a lot more than I received in return. It wasn't always like that, it became that way. I don't know if there's anything you can do about it - giving it your all just becomes expected and you will continue to be taken for granted. The only thing I can imagine you can do is pull back, but to me that feels like game playing. Link to comment
Madamdiva007 Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 What did you end up doing? I think about pulling back all the time, I just worry it will backfire on me. He will notice me pulling back, and he will do the same, or start becoming more distant, or he will think my feelings for him are changing and I don't love him anymore. Link to comment
marriage girl Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 I believe that in a relationship you can never expect to give and receive just as much. But it is very important to decide whether the relationship is worth the investment. Even if the relation means more to you than it does to him, if he makes you happy, you can talk to him and he's good in bed, perhaps you should live every moment to the full and forget about the future. But if you feel that it isn't going nowhere and he's not the man for you, leave him. Whatever you do, make sure you won't regret it later, because there are no turning backs. I hope it helps. Goodluck! Link to comment
somethngwrng Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 We broke up. It wasn't even over that, it was just a symptom. Link to comment
piruru Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 I feel this way sometimes. My solution is to stop keeping a scorecard of how much I give, and start being forcing myself to recognise, acknowledge and be thankful for the things that he does do for me (which is a lot). When I get stuck in the mindset that I give more than I get, I usually forget all the good things that he does do and start taking those things for granted, which in turn makes him feel like he gives more than he gets. It can turn into a very vicious cycle. Sometimes you really do give more than you get, but sometimes the problem is within you, that you forget and actually start taking your partner for granted without realising it. It is up to you to decide which is true for your relationship. Link to comment
Madamdiva007 Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 It's funny you say that... because I feel like he's totally taking me for granted. Link to comment
TriColors Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 It feels pretty awful, right? I noticed this was happening in my last relationship, I'd do thoughtful things for him, he'd do nothing. I actually have a journal entry where I discuss how I wanted to bring it up with him. I didn't have the chance, because he broke up with me a week or so later. If something it bothering you, you should discuss it with him. He's not going to know if you are disappointed in something that is going on unless you communicate it to him. Link to comment
fromnywithlove Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 That was my last relationship. It was awful for me because I felt like I put much more effort into things than he did. You know what they say, right? He who cares least controls the relationship... and boy, was it ever true. We ended up breaking up. I am thinking that it was one of the causes as him not putting in much effort made me feel inadequate, clingy and sad all the time. I deserved more though. Bottom line. Link to comment
somethngwrng Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 him not putting in much effort made me feel inadequate, clingy and sad all the time. I deserved more though. Bottom line. Yep. It's a spiral because these feelings cause your partner to lose attraction to you even more and put even less effort in. Causing you to be even more inadequate, clingy and sad. Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 You don't need to pull back per se, but just live your own life --- get involved in some things outside of the relationship so that isn't your sole focus. Link to comment
Madamdiva007 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 Yep. It's a spiral because these feelings cause your partner to lose attraction to you even more and put even less effort in. Causing you to be even more inadequate, clingy and sad. And this is what I'm afraid of. I don't want this to happen, I don't want to start acting this way. Is there any advice you guys can give to help me keep this from happening? Is there anything I can do to stop him from taking me for granted? To change things around a little bit without ruining anything? Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Read Al Turtle --- if you pull away, he will not pull away. He will wonder and subconsciously push toward you. Link to comment
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