I cried on my first date since my break up!!!!

[QSP]

I went out on a date with a co worker at my job. I wanted to move on from the break up so I thought i was a good idea to go on a date. My co worker is great looking, 32 years old and shes an Attorney. Previously we had breakfast together. I think she could be my next girlfriend even though shes a little older than me. She was the girl that said ejaculating on a girl is disrespectful.

 

I wanted to make a good impression. So dinner is going great. Our conversation was going great than the thought of my ex seemed to be the reason I started to cry. I tried holding it in but I just couldn't. I thought to myself how can I be on a date so soon? I totally embarrassed myself in front of her and all the people who were at the restaurant.

 

My co worker understood why i was crying but the look on her face wasn't a good look. She seemed embarrassed. I excused myself and I went to the bathroom to take control of the situation but when I got back to the table I teared up again.

After dinner my co worker said to keep in touch and feel better.

 

I'm embarrassed. I feel like a wimp. I really wanted to get to know my co worker better. She is very sweet and we both work in Law.

 

Did I blow my chance with her?

Is it OK for a man to cry in public?

Will she even consider me?

[AvonRepus]

Woman's point of view:

Yes,you blew it. Not because you cried but because you showed you are emotionally unavailable and having some serious issues.One of the worst thing that a guy can do on the first date is to show his attachment to the ex.Also she probably felt like a reboud,like you are using her.

 

Yes,she did understand how you feel.She tried to be kind.

Don't expect anything at the moment,maybe later on when you both feel good about yourselves and what happened,your paths might cross again. Till then work on your healing,it's not fair and respectful to jump into another relationship if you still feel so bad about the break-up.

 

Good luck.

 

And don't worry -once I cried at the piano bar while singing "Believe" by Cher.:star:

[symbiot]

You aren't ready yet man. Stop. You need to grieve first. Rl hopping is not the way.if you were ready to date you would not have broke down. Stop wondering if it's ok for a man to cry. Crying is a human emotion not a woman's.

[QSP]

The hardest part is that i'm going to see her at work tomorrow and it's going to be awkward.

[lemsip]

Of course it's OK for a man to cry. But not in this situation. Like the others say, you are nowhere near ready yet.

 

It's time to be on your own. It's the only way.

[BlueRose66]

Yes, you have human emotions. If I was dating men, I would be sincerely attracted to a man who cried because his ex meant so much to him but I would know that this person is no where near ready. It actually shows that you do care ever so much. I also agree with the above posters views on a womens view. You may or may not have blown it with her. Who knows down the road what may come of this with her. You cant really know how she thinks and feels about your first date. Please dont beat yourself up about what is done. Whatever.... sh&t happens.

 

You need to be at a point where you can talk about what happened without crying. This may take a long time. Sometimes I think I am really over it and then bam, it hits me unexpectedly.

[Mishmon]

I went out on a date with a co worker at my job. I wanted to move on from the break up

I wanted to make a good impression.

Did I blow my chance with her?

Is it OK for a man to cry in public?

Will she even consider me?

Well good sign is that you are enthusiastic, i guess.

Woman's point of view:

Yes,you blew it. Not because you cried but because you showed you are emotionally unavailable

Absolutely.

You aren't ready yet man. Stop. You need to grieve first. Rl hopping is not the way.if you were ready to date you would not have broke down. Stop wondering if it's ok for a man to cry. Crying is a human emotion not a woman's.

And about men crying, symbiot said it well, wish all men and women would somehow get rid of that ridiculous and destructive stereotype. For me, man that cries is a man, if you get what i'm saying

Next time when you think to do something to move on from break up, pay attention to your general state of mind and emotions, try to act in harmony with them

[BlueRose66]

When you see her at work tomorrow you can just say if its appropriate that you are sorry and you just arent ready yet. Anyone worth their salt would understand and respect that.

[LDRohnos]

Crying itself isn't an issue, but to break down in a public place like that while on a date just means that you haven't grieved nearly enough privately. Take 10 steps back, take some time, then reengage.

 

Yes, it's going to be awkward tomorrow. Just pull her aside and explain what happened and that you're sorry if it embarrassed her. If she's a decent person she'll understand.

[QSP]

I might see her on the elevator but i'm almost certain other people will be there. We work on different floors. Its going to be hard to apologize.

[symbiot]

The send her an email. Tell her the truth. Don't make it long but tell her you're sorry if you caused her embarrassment.

[QSP]

Email is the best way to go.

[AvonRepus]

And another thing- you might wanna add a joke or two,I think she will appreciate it and it might work in your favor.

[QSP]

@ avon good idea. What you think I should say as a joke?

[symbiot]

I'm gonna leave this one alone . A woman would know better how to joke with a woman. My advice to you is to talk to women about how to treat a woman. Men don't know s%}#

[endy]

You have good advice above. You're just not ready... she'll understand with an email. Just appologize and tell her the truth. I'm just not ready to date (if she knows about the breakup). You don't have to explain yourself anymore than that. Just say I don't know what got into me all of a sudden.

 

Read on attraction... something like the way of the superior man. Kinda looks like you need it. How long has it been since the breakup?

[AvonRepus]

I don't know to tell you the truth,I don't know what kind of person she is and that makes it a little bit more complicated.

 

But if I were you I would make fun of myself,just to show how open-minded I am and that I see my flaws.

 

If you are going to talk about the tears you can throw something like "..and if you need a girlfriend to watch chick flicks together,you can always hit me up" . A guy cried in front of me once and then he said something like a women's magazine said it was sexy so he was giving it a shot(kidding of course). I thought that was cute.

[QSP]

@ symbiot. I feel you on that.

[QSP]

@ endy its been close to three weeks since the break up.

[QSP]

@ avon thats a good idea.

[beacon]

Making fun of yourself definitely helps. If I've learned one thing in a relationship, it's that.

 

Keep your head up though and as mentioned, NO DATES for a bit. Get yourself right...

[QSP]

@ beacon I really played myself on this date.

[oO pd Oo]

Tell her that you can't believe she cried in front of you on first date.

Then forgive her.

Then start laughing.

 

Its the ole turn the tables move. (jk btw... please don't. haha)

 

I had a similar scenario with a new girl I was dating a few weeks after BU. It was going okay for awhile, but I just couldn't continue because I wasn't in the right place. I told her straight up what the deal was. I said "Hey. I recently got my heart broken and I'm just not ready for this right now. I think you're a wonderful girl and I totally enjoy hanging out, but I don't want to hurt you."

 

People generally respect honesty.

 

If you have no interest in her... tell her what you are going through and ask if she wants to be friends.

If you are interested in her... tell her you aren't looking for anything serious right now... then see how she responds.

[QSP]

Co worker said it's best to keep a distance for a while. sighs

[endy]

@ endy its been close to three weeks since the break up.

 

Oh man WAY TO SOON. Take 3 months off of dating at all. That doesn't mean you can't go hang out with a bunch of girls and hang out with guy friends. Surrounding yourself with girls is very therapeautic for any guy. However, don't look or get into anything serious. Even looking for dates.

 

I personally don't date for 6-12 months after a breakup. I make the conscious choice not to. I don't even try to attract women during that time and sometimes I do, but don't act on it. Ok... maybe I'll have a few sexual experiences but they mean nothing and I make that clear to the other person.

 

Take this time to grow and examine what you can better about yourself for the next relationship. Figure out what issue you had or what caused the relationship to end on your part. It's never one person's fault.

 

Rebounding is the worst thing that you can do. True happiness comes from within. All that does is use someone else for temporary happiness. Don't be that guy. It's not healthy behavior, and once you start it... get used to it... it's hard to stop it.