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Self-destructive and possible depressive ex


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Hi there, just wanted some views/thoughts on that my current ex girlfriend wanted to spilt up about a week ago. Quick background she is German living in germany and im living in london we had been together 4 years, lived together in Germany and i came back for work. However the last weeks/few months she has struggled so much with the distance and speaking in english that her term was all 'too much' for her. The result to distance herself as much as possible and be very short fused and shout at me on a fairly frequent basis. on the back of this i know i was quite silly in that i would contact her more so because i was worried about her self-destructive behaviour. (she has admitted that before we met she had depression in the past) Then after not speaking properly for 3/4 days we speak on skype and she decides its too much and her reasons were based on that i have more energy than her and we are different when we are annoyed. She was very upset on the day as was i though i cant help feel that she doesnt really want this probably just needed time apart. Since breaking up she texted me the following day is ask if i was ok to which i left for 2 days then texted her to which she rang me. we have since texted on the wednesday and i left it until sunday to speak on skype. We chatted calmly for half an hour about what we had been up too. She stated that she slept soo much and had felt ''mentally and physically exhausted''. She then seemed much better and slightly more cheerful, then we spoke about next week, as i have a flight booked and was thinking of going over to actually have a proper conversation and meet with friends. Am not sure if this is a good idea? Also she asked if she would pick me up from the airport and where i would stay. i suggested i would go to a hotel then she came back with i could stay with her on the sofa. we left in there and she suggested that we speak again on wednesday so i could decide and let her know where im going to stay.


Therefore i know i have rambled on like a trooper but would be good to know what others think as my head is not in the right place to think correctly. I have concerns about her mental state and personally i did not want to end the realtionship and am gutted in the way it was done.Especially over the course of this relationship we spoke so often that we thought we were right for each other and the marriage and kids discussion on more than one occasion.

I would of done a lot for this girl and was planning to look at jobs over there now having a good experience/exposure in working.

thoughts and questions greatly recieved


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I am not fortune teller, so I can't tell you about her or the future.


but form the reading, maybe it is too much for her, she can't handle it anymore. Just keep going, try your best to be with her, and see where it takes you.

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Im writing this after spending the weekend together even though we had spilt up. So many confusing/conflicting instances.It started by her picking me up and a bit awkward but soon became relaxed/usual habits cooking, chatting and relaxing. Then the next morning she decided to make breakfast as i watched the rugby and it was if we hadnt spilt up, it was a nice atmosphere and we got on really well - i think she felt guilty for whats happened and alsol i found out that she the weekend after spiliting up she had breakfast with her previous ex in our flat- i was not best pleased but showed i was not too annoyed.

We then had the discussion and she confirmed that it has all been 'too much' for her and she seemed still annoyed at me but couldnt explain why so strongly and felt she needed time for herself to find who she is etc i accepted and understood, then later we agreed to let each other know if we meet other people. i packed my stuff and waited until i had to fly home to which chemistry over came us and she was over affectionate for the remaining hours. since then she has texted me and emailed to see if i am ok and got home safely and i have responded with NC...but obviously want to contact her and stopping myself from doing so.

I am so confused with this behaviour it would be great if anyone can enlighten me (apologises if the story is badly written and condensed)

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i managed 6 days without no contact (since seeing her) until she popped up on facebook - she has hardly ever on this in the last 4 years we been together and changed her profile and added a guy as a friend (i know its not a bad thing but i cant help there is more to the story of her spiltting up, i think she may of cheated on me and feels guilty) She asked me how i am doing, to which i responded saying im ok and asked how she was- she replied saying shes struggling and cant even look at pictures of us together because she misses me. i said i miss her too and that i had thoguht about her and the relationship and have learnt things about myself and said the last months were quite bad. she responded by saying 'its a good thing' and was more concerned what im up to and told her i was going out for mates birthday. I know i have put too much thought into our converstaion though she sends me so many mixed signals its driving me mad. I asked her what she wants?! her response was immediate 'i dont know' then afterwards said she 'still wants the spilt but its not easy' and needs more time and thought i need more time too. i think she is right but i think the more time and space i give her it makes it easier to push me away and to try and get over me. Should i leave it and go NC or as i want her back i want to contact her now and again??


i am even starting to think to give her 3/4 weeks and fly over there to possibly have another converstaion- to show i want her and want this relationship. i am not sure if this gesture wlll help or make it worse. What are your thoughts from my posts? I know i am struggling at the minute and try to focus more on myself but i do tend to have some bad days and just feel bad.

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