Springs Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I've had a long drawn out two month break up. It's been gut wrenchingly painful and I've been broken down to nothing from it. I finally decided to find myself, think about what I need and end this torture. My ex has been contacting me for the past 3 weeks or so, being very friendly and affectionate. He has been texting every day, nice messages. We met 2 weeks ago for dinner and I thought we were going to get back together. It was so wonderful and it brought all the feelings of love and belonging back. But since then, I cannot ask when we are meeting again or I get shouted at. I can't ring him, even though he texts lovely messages. I can't ask what is going on with us, because I need to know..and it's not fair to leave me hanging on..then I was being ignored and felt so crap over and over again. Then he would turn around and start treating me like he loves me again. I've been walking on eggshells, feeling so low, feeling so unworthy, feeling so guilty, so punished, so controlled. I called him tonight and said I need an answer, and if he won't give it to me then I have made a decision. It's me over him. I have a life too, and there are two of us in this. I asked him why he kept texting me like everything is ok, and does he really see us getting back together. He just said 'because I miss you'. He's been using me because he's lonely but doesn't really have any intention of us getting together again. He cried and said he is sorry and he loves me so much but it's not enough because the problems we had are unfixable. (Only because he won't change). I know he's right. I moved to this country for him. I told him I'm moving home when I get a job there and not to contact me again. That I should have had this closure two months ago. I told him I love him so much, thanked him for the best years of my life, and wished him all the best in everything he does. And left with my head held high. I knew it had to be over at some stage, even though I was racked with this empty hope. I need to accept it now and move on. It's going to be so hard. I regret that we ended up this way. But maybe this is just how it needs to be. I know it is. It just doesn't make it any easier. How do I learn to truly accept this for what it is and move on Link to comment
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