Getting away from a group of toxic friends

[MrCoffeeman]

Hey guys im hoping somebody can give me some solid advice! I'm in my second year of college and last year i met this really awesome group of people. We got along pretty well and ended up hanging out and everything. As time went on they started to tease me a little here and there but i didn't really mind and just brushed it off. But it got worse and worse to the point where i started asking myself why i was hanging out with them. It finally reached a breaking point one day ago. It was like i was suddenly thrown into a pit of poisonous vipers, one by one all of them just kept on verbally attacking me calling me out on my appearance or my inability to ask a girl out on a date among other things. I finally built up some courage and told them to cut it out with the insults but they ignored me completely. I have never felt so humiliated and angry before, it was the worst feeling i ever had. All this considering i spent most of my life alone with no type of friends or even casual acquaintances.

 

So yeah that's my story and i really hope someone could point me in the right direction. I really don't want to hang around these people anymore but i have absolutely no other friends to fall back on nor do i have anybody close that i can discuss this with. Thanks in advance for taking time and reading this!

[Tanzi]

Hey MrCoffeeman. Welcome to eNA. I'm sorry to hear what these so-called friends have been doing. Can I ask how long you are at college for?

[indigoblue]

Sometimes people will just walk all over you when you let them, but I don't blame you for come accross such leeches. I've had the same experiences, you should just distance yourself from them and improve yourself to become the person you want to be. Ignore them, gain new friends... you will always be exposed to different people who don't agree with you for various reasons (probably ones that don't even matter) but you will also find out who is true to you. Best of luck, college life can be fun sometimes lonely but it's what you make of it.

[MrCoffeeman]

Thank you, and to answer your question im at college here pretty much from the morning well into the afternoon. Or if you were asking how many years i plan to transfer by next year hopefully since its a community college.

[pinkelephant]

start standing up for yourself. you'll be surprised at the result. most people just have that tendency. esp people in groups, they just like to pick on one person and if you don't stand up for yourself, they start to lose respect for you and then before you know it, you become the group's punching bag. just start taking back some confidence and self-respect by telling them off.

[guynextdoor]

They put you down so they can look and feel better. My advice is avoid them. When they ask you to come hang out just tell them you are busy. They will get the hint.

[MrCoffeeman]

As i said before i did stand up to them and all that happened is they just started getting defensive and then proceeded to tell me that i'am too insecure.

[Hollyj]

If you feel bad that should be enough. I say it's time to move on, you should never feel disrespected when you are with your friends, it should be supportive.

 

It may be time to check out new interests: school clubs, volunteering, link removed etc... It's time to look for more options re. your social activities!

[LDRohnos]

Stand up to them. You'll be surprised how quickly someone backs down when you show you have a spine.

[Tanzi]

Thank you, and to answer your question im at college here pretty much from the morning well into the afternoon. Or if you were asking how many years i plan to transfer by next year hopefully since its a community college.

 

Yes I meant in years. Well in the grand scheme of things that isn't too far away if you're planning on transferring to another college. My daughter is hoping to do the same. In the meantime continue to stand up to them even if they continue to disrespect you. I would just smile and say thank you whenever they say something negative then go back to ignoring them. They will eventually tire of it if they aren't getting the desired reaction. Don't give them the satisfaction of knowing you care. In fact DON'T care. They are little people with little minds!

[Hollyj]

Yes I meant in years. Well in the grand scheme of things that isn't too far away if you're planning on transferring to another college. My daughter is hoping to do the same. In the meantime continue to stand up to them even if they continue to disrespect you. I would just smile and say thank you whenever they say something negative then go back to ignoring them. They will eventually tire of it if they aren't getting the desired reaction. Don't give them the satisfaction of knowing you care. In fact DON'T care. c

 

Why would you recommend he continue to hang out with people who are disrespectful? i don't get it? "They are little people with little minds!"

[Tanzi]

Why would you recommend he continue to hang out with people who are disrespectful? i don't get it? "They are little people with little minds!"

 

I wasn't aware that I did. Can you please tell me where I said that?

[Hollyj]

"In the meantime continue to stand up to them even if they continue to disrespect you. I would just smile and say thank you whenever they say something negative then go back to ignoring them. They will eventually tire of it if they aren't getting the desired reaction."

 

I interpreted this as continuing to associate with them, because if I removed myself from this group, it would not be necessary.

[Tanzi]

I meant if he couldn't avoid them. I'm assuming that it may not always be easy to do so if their paths cross during the course of the day.

[Hollyj]

I meant if he couldn't avoid them. I'm assuming that it may not always be easy to do so if their paths cross during the course of the day.

 

Sorry! I misunderstood.

[Tanzi]

Sorry! I misunderstood.

 

S'ok Perhaps I should have made it clearer.

[gluestick]

They're not your real friends. These people put others down to make themselves look/feel better. It's immature and pathetic, but it's what people do. I suggest you dump them and go out and meet new people. You're better off alone than with people who make you feel bad about yourself.

[vickyylove]

Politely start to freeze them out. I don't think you need to have a big speech where you tell them how you feel etc. Basically if they invite you to hang out make excuses, if you see them keep it distant. Hopefully they'll lose interest. Wish you the best of luck!!

I HATE BULLIES.

[Angel Irulan]

As i said before i did stand up to them and all that happened is they just started getting defensive and then proceeded to tell me that i'am too insecure.

 

That was your clue by four that you are either going to conform to their standards or get dumped from their group. I'd just leave them alone. If you are at a community college and leaving next year, don't hang out with them much. Find a new group of pals. One thing about college friends, is that if you ever see you are in trouble with them, you know it's self limiting: you graduate and move on, and so do they!

 

Angel