berry15 Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I am going to try and make a long story short, although it may be difficult. I have been dating a man for the past 2 years, 1 year of which has been long distance. We fell in love and made plans for a beautiful future and the first year was wonderful but things have gone down hill since then. I broke up with him about 1 year ago because of the constant fighting and turmoil, he says he was unhappy with my behavior, outburts and controlling facets of my personality. We were apart for about 2 months during which I met another man and dated him for a while but I soon realized I missed my ex and I came running back to him. He took me back and we had a string of break up's during this time. I knew he was speaking to other women and it really brought out an immense amount of jealousy and bitter feelings within me. For about 5 months I was acting out, being very aggressive, controlling, checking his phone records and being extremely possessive. Although neither of us is perfect I would like to stay out of the realm of blaming him and take the blame for my own actions which in retrospect I realize were completely overboard and lead to him not wanting to be with me. A few weeks ago, I had another outburst and he broke up with me. I went NC for a few days, but then he started calling me with a friendly undertone. I let it go on for a few days until I asked where we stand and he said he doesn't believe I will ever change and he doesn't think we could work things out. I promised him up and down that I will change and do the things he has asked from me in terms of my behavior towards him because I truly do love him and want a future with him. He says he's heard the same promises over and over and nothing has changed the last 20 times. I guess I just always thought I would let time take its course and things would work themselves out. However, this strategy failed me and now when I really am willing to change, it seems it's too late. He invited me out for dinner last night which was a really nice time but when we got back to his place he was texting another woman who I know he turns to whenever we break up. I can go NC, but he calls or texts me anyway so I don't know what to do at this point. I am in this awful circle where the same thing keeps happening. I mess up, beg him, please and promise to change ... he takes me back and we end up having another fight somewhere down the line which leads to a break up. He says this time he doesn't think I will change and doesn't trust that I will change and he feels he's put my happiness before his for way too long. I really do want to change for him but I'm not sure how much is too much before I just quit on the whole relationship. I love him with all my heart but I don't know how to make him see that I really am willing to change this time around and I am being serious about working things out. It's different this time because I feel as though I am losing him and that thought alone breaks me down into tears and heartache. Also, right now I have a whole lot going on at work which could determine my future and I need his support the most because he is my best friend but we keep fighting and it's bringing down my work which could have a drastic impact on my future. I don't know how to make him realize that I will truly change for him and be a better person towards him, he just doesn't believe it and nothing I say seems to make the light bulb click in his heart and mind. I do know that he loves me, that is not a question in my mind but he says how much of this can he take. He says he is hurt and since I keep doing the same things over and over to him it's emotinally abusive towards him and he doesn't think it'll stop if he takes me back again. I really can't live without him and want him back, how to make him see that I mean it this time is the question ... Link to comment
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