Contrail Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Hello all, I'm been thumbing my way through the pages of threads on here and had my nose in several books, and as of yet I haven't found the answer I'm looking for. I'm almost positive I know the answer but just dont want to accept it yet... A bit of background to set the stage (I'll try to present this in a logical order, but it may just come out, sorry ): We met via an online dating site (something we've kept a secret from our family and friends) shortly I had moved back home to start my job in Seattle and went on several dates and seemed to hit it off right away, but something just never clicked. Looking back I can remember telling on of my friends, "I have a great time with her and really enjoy her company, but I just dont feel that spark". At the time I remember thinking to myself that I'll just play this out for a few months and hope it turns into something. We dated for 3 or 4 months and ended up making it official. Things had been going well, but the spark never grew. At the time be both lived at our parents houses as neither of us could afford to live on our own. She was still finishing up her degree, and while in training for my carer I was being paid less than what I made as a pizza driver in college. I loved her and she was an amazing friend and support system. The training for my career is one of the most intense and emotionally draining things you can imagine. She had/has been there with me for all of it, and I can honestly say I probably owe my career to her support and encouragement. That year was hard on us. We've now lived together for almost two years and are just shy of our three year mark. We definitely enjoy each others company, and are more than comfortable around each other. Throughout our three years we've been to probably ten or so weddings and I can definitely tell she has the bug. She's made tons of comments about rings and even gone so far to send me pictures of ones she likes. Early on I made it clear that I wasn't interested in the thought till we both had our careers and lives set straight, which only now seems to maybe happening. Beyond that there are things about her that annoy and irritate me beyond belief. Her apathy for a stable job really bugs me, although she just got handed a job, it could possibly in 8 months and shes back where she started with nothing. Believe me its not the money aspect, I make more than enough to support us in whatever we want to do, but its the fact that she isn't driven to better herself or improve upon what she has learned that irks me. When she reaches something difficult in her life, she either gives up or runs to me and wants me to solve her problems for her. Which brings me to my next issue, she isn't curious in life. I'm a nerd and a geek, I wont lie, and want to learn everything about anything. I constantly have the news on and am following the latest politics. I'm a huge history buff, and generally just like to learn new things. She couldnt be more different. Her tv viewing consists of reality shows ellen, and the last book I saw her read was a romance novel. I have no problem with watching or reading that stuff every now and then, but this is all she reads watches. She honestly seems clueless about the world and I am constantly explaining fairly simple concepts to her. A social life for me is really hard to keep going with shift work, but I mange as best I can. Most of the time it requires some late night outings on the weekends with friends. But she always (I hate to say that but it really is always) is tried between 8 and 9 pm and is in bed. Going out on the weekend with my GF is virtually impossible. So if you're still with me (im sorry there's just a ton on my mind), I'd like advice on what to do. I'm getting immense pressure from family and friends and her to put a ring on it. But my gut and my head keep telling me no, we have a ton of unresolved issues to work out. We've been dealing with the issues I outlined (and more I just didnt want to keep writing) since we moved in. We usually will work it out, and agree to work on it. A couple months later it seems some issue bubbles back up we have a fight and we work it out again. I guess what I boils down to is that from the very beginning I never felt that spark and I keep waiting to fall madly in love with the girl next to me and I just dont feel it happening. I've been to the weddings and see the look in their eyes, and cant help but think why I dont feel that way about my gf of three years. I look at my friends and their relationships/marriages, and my issues seems small in comparison, are they? Part of me thinks I should end it and move on, but part of me also thinks I'm blowing this way out of whack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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