Will it get better? Is this normal?

[soundlessvoice]

Today marks one month since my BU and NC (I e-mailed him once, but he never replied) and I still feel an almost soul crushing pain. Sometimes if I am occupied I won't really think about it and I'll get on with my day, but then a memory clicks and it's like I'm right back at day 1. This is my first break up, my first love, my first everything (we were living together for 5 years) and I just don't know how I'm going to get through this. I'm not sure if after 30 days I should be well on my way to moving on or if this feeling of being constantly punched in the chest and crying is normal. Will it really get better?

[Carus]

The bad news is that 30 days is but a drop in the ocean of recovering from heartbreak....

 

The good news is that yes, everything you are feeling is totally normal, everyone here has felt it and it will get better as the poison drains away*

 

Try to stick to NIC as best you can. My ex ran off with someone else and continued to sporadically contact me for over a year. I stupidly let it continue in a vain hope that she would come back...Unfortunately she never did and it wasnt until I'd finally got strong enough to not pick up her calls anymore that I started to actually heal...

 

Dont let this be you*

 

Stay Strong

Ever Forward

Carus* 8-)

[Tuffly]

In the first 30 days, if you're able to be occupied and not think of it sometimes, then you're doing great. I understand the pain hits you, and it physicaly hurts, but to be able to be occupied like that in the first month is a good sign. Yes, it will get better.

[fortune]

In the first 30 days, if you're able to be occupied and not think of it sometimes, then you're doing great. I understand the pain hits you, and it physicaly hurts, but to be able to be occupied like that in the first month is a good sign. Yes, it will get better.

 

I was going to reply exactly the same thing ! I am 3 1/2 months post BU NC (on my part) and a month later he was still in my thoughts almost every minute. I was exhausted. So if you have moments where you are not thinking about it that is fantastic after only a month !

 

It will absolutely get better (if there is no contact).There is a bit of a delay sometimes, I started going to the gym, and taking drawing classes, and the last couple of weeks I have moments of looking forward to things, and being happy. And I thought that would never happen again...

 

Also I read ''The Secret'' because of a thread and it helped A LOT. And I am really not the type for new age stuff. But for some reason it gave me a sense of control. I think it can be helpfull once the real shock of the BU has passed.

 

You just realize at some point that you are not playing the events leading to the BU in your head anymore. And later you realize that you are not sad all the time anymore. And it just gets easier. And if you are busy, you create new experiences that occupy your thoughts and you realize that the other person is taking up less and less space in your thoughts.

 

Seriously, the minute you are ready, cram in as much as you can i.e. socializing, exercising, classes, parachuting whatever floats your boat !! It really helps, even when you don't feel like it, make yourself do it.

 

Before you know it you won't be single anymore, because you will have met someone else or you will be back together with him. So cram in as much as you can !! Soon you will find you are looking forward to your bed even though he is not in it.

[symbiot]

Don't try to deny you feelings. Many people make the mistake of trying to distract themselves so they don't feel the pain. Loss is part of the human experience. Your parents will die. Your best friends will move away. You will loss contact with people you thought would always be there. And in the end you will die , leaving others behind. Take the time to grieve your loss properly so you can heal thoroughly. You will be ok.I takes time, but more importantly it takes the willingness to accept the loss and learn from it.