solong123 Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 A few days ago, my ex reached out trying to start small talk with me, and brought up the idea of meeting up. Keep in mind, this is the guy that blocked me from every communication possible, was emotionally abusive, and overall just a pessimistic person, always bringing me down. Talking to him again made me realize that he hasn't changed or improved one bit. He told me himself he doesn't need the help of a professional for "anything some person can tell me I can figure out for myself". Him saying that just made it all click. I truly am over him. He will never change, he will never get help, he really has himself convinced that he solved all of his problems himself. My life is great now and I have had the help of a counselor and great support from family and friends, while he is still living in the past and really not dealing with things appropriately. Just have faith. It seems impossible to ever get to this realization but it will come. And sometimes the breaking of NC is enough to make you realize that you're really not missing out on anything afterall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Besides making excellent progress, you dodged a bullet. All the best! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
learning2relax Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I find it amazing how when you do finally hear from them, the validation that they think of you (thus they reach out and contact you) and that they haven't changed can really change how you feel, instantly. I experienced this myself just last week. The mind is very powerful, that is for sure. Nice to hear that you are doing well and feeling better. Kudos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
why do we Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I find it amazing how when you do finally hear from them, the validation that they think of you (thus they reach out and contact you) and that they haven't changed can really change how you feel, instantly. I experienced this myself just last week. The mind is very powerful, that is for sure. Nice to hear that you are doing well and feeling better. Kudos. L2r, really - that one got in touch? I actually had a similar experience last Monday, the man who pretty much could have been reason for my suicide about a year ago (maybe even less, 6 months ago I still was crying) has been trying to call/text again and I didn't even pay attention. It felt good, I was in excellent mood all day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
learning2relax Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Yes, he did. He wrote. Two emails within a few days. And then poof! Just like he showed up, he vanished again. At least for now. But I felt better, validated. Even though I logically and intelligently knew that he did think of me, it was nice to see it in writing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
why do we Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I see, it's hard for them to let go of someone who loved them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
learning2relax Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I see, it's hard for them to let go of someone who loved them. Yes and to give them credit....it is also hard to let go of someone they loved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indigoblue Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I wish that could happen to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
learning2relax Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I wish that could happen to me. Be careful what you wish for...... It is best that if it does happen, that it happens when you are strong enough that when they disappear just as quickly as they appeared, it has no effect on you whatsoever. Otherwise you are simply swirling around in a tide pool of torture. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melting Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 My ex keeps reaching out too me, but his action reflect nothing of his words. He also has not changed one bit and is still on his pity train. My head is all over the place, I feel like I am losing the plot. I think unless they are going to be true to their word and reach out cos they want to get back with you, they should just leave you alone. Mine just keeps me dangling on the end of his hook and I am stupid enough to stay there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EgoJoe Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 To the OP: Wooohoooo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
learning2relax Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 My ex keeps reaching out too me, but his action reflect nothing of his words. He also has not changed one bit and is still on his pity train. My head is all over the place, I feel like I am losing the plot. I think unless they are going to be true to their word and reach out cos they want to get back with you, they should just leave you alone. Mine just keeps me dangling on the end of his hook and I am stupid enough to stay there. Don't forget what we all so often do, you have a choice about the contact as well. You do not have to respond. You don't have to pick up the phone when they call. If they continue you can do other things to get the space from them you need to do what you need to do.....heal. And honestly, what they need to but are not capable yet of disconnecting from you to do. Someone has to get the courage first to make it happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hazelnut321 Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 There must be something in the air. Mine called twice last week as well. It seems that we dumpees are moving forward with our lives, while they stay in the same old ruts. That's why we're doing better than they are. My ex is still not dating, not planning on it- his kids are all encompassing. I'm joining meet-ups, working out and even trying to grow a small business. Everything TRULY does happen for a reason. It's good to have cracks in your life sometimes.... That's how the light gets in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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