midnightdeirdre Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 My ex & I broke up on good terms. We are still friendly, although I deleted his number from my cell phone. The only time I ever know what he's up to is what I see on facebook. That is also the only time we ever chat/see what's in each other's lives. But I should delete him and truly move on? (Hey, author Judy Blume still hangs out with her ex husband ~ with her new husband!) Link to comment
italiannmf24 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Depends on how you feel towards him. If he were to get into another relatonship over facebook, would you be able to handle it? That's the type of question you should be asking yourself before making a decision to delete him or not. If you can deal with anything he may throw on facebook and are emotionally stable, you don't need to delete him. If you're still a bit emotionally unstable towards him, then it may be best to temporaily delete him. Link to comment
arwen Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 If this is what will help in making you 'truly' move on as you say yourself, then definitely YES, remove him. I think even in friendly breakups, it can be difficult to see each other in the single post breakup life and read about it on facebook Link to comment
tommytoxen Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Do what you feel is right I guess. Do you mind him seeing what goes on in your life? Is having him on your FB holding you back from moving on, do you find yourself involuntarily stalking him, IE: logging in specifically to go read his wall etc? If yes, then, I'd say delete him. Even if it's just until you get over him fully. If no, and the terms are good, and it causes no friction between other romantic interests etc, then keep him on if it isn't causing any heartache or problems. Link to comment
indigoblue Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I deleted mine because I was stalking him and I could he other girls post on his wall. I kind of regret but at the same time it makes me less depressed/hurt and it's easier to move on. Link to comment
lemsip Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Ask yourself how you would feel if his new profile pic was a pic of him and a new girl, and if the status updates were like "I'm so happy, I'm so in love" blah blah. I certainly couldn't handle it, but everyone's different. Link to comment
symbiot Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I think if you're on here asking this question then you are still emotionally attached to this person. If I'm right then you should block,hide or delete him. I think if you hide him you wont see his posts unless you go looking for them. Link to comment
midnightdeirdre Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 Is having him on your FB holding you back from moving on, do you find yourself involuntarily stalking him, IE: logging in specifically to go read his wall etc? If yes, then, I'd say delete him. Even if it's just until you get over him fully. If no, and the terms are good, and it causes no friction between other romantic interests etc, then keep him on if it isn't causing any heartache or problems. No, I don't involuntarily check his profile to see what he's up to, compulsively check his status updates, etc. I'm definitely not stalking him at all. I guess I just feel that by deleting him, I won't have to worry about what he might think when I update my profile with new statuses & pictures, when they come up. (Then again, we're broken up, so what should he expect?) Link to comment
symbiot Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 No, I don't involuntarily check his profile to see what he's up to, compulsively check his status updates, etc. I'm definitely not stalking him at all. I guess I just feel that by deleting him, I won't have to worry about what he might think when I update my profile with new statuses & pictures, when they come up. (Then again, we're broken up, so what should he expect?) If he has a problem with your life, shouldn't he be deleting you? Link to comment
indigoblue Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Worry about your life not his Link to comment
minimini Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Girl... if you're wondering then you should delete him. One thing you could ask yourself is if you are adapting your status updates/ pictures according to the fact that he will be seeing them? If you are, then delete. Like a previous person wrote, hide him (though I didn't realize that was an option with the new Facebook). The whole thing will just bug you.... out of sight, out of mind. Link to comment
midnightdeirdre Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 If he has a problem with your life, shouldn't he be deleting you? Worry about your life not his Girl... if you're wondering then you should delete him. One thing you could ask yourself is if you are adapting your status updates/ pictures according to the fact that he will be seeing them? If you are, then delete. Like a previous person wrote, hide him (though I didn't realize that was an option with the new Facebook). The whole thing will just bug you.... out of sight, out of mind. lol ok, you are all correct. And no, I have not been adapting my pictures/statuses according to the fact that he will see them. But I think hiding him would be a good idea. Thanks! Link to comment
midnightdeirdre Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 I sent him a message explaining why I was deleting him for a little while. Right after I deleted him I felt like that was a bit too drastic, considering we're still friendly. So I added him again saying it felt too drastic, lol. Link to comment
midnightdeirdre Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 Buyers remorse? Eh...maybe. I mean it always felt good that we were friends & could still talk. Link to comment
thelastsong Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I not only deleted my ex but blocked him. Yes, sometimes I nearly die from curiosity, but it's much better than driving myself crazy looking at his status updates or seeing him pop up on mutual friends' posts. I highly, highly recommend it. Sure, it may seem drastic, but I'm past the point of caring what everyone else thinks. If everyone thinks I'm psycho and overreacting for deleting him, so be it. I'd rather have my peace of mind. Link to comment
RitaTrue Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I sent him a message explaining why I was deleting him for a little while. Right after I deleted him I felt like that was a bit too drastic, considering we're still friendly. So I added him again saying it felt too drastic, lol. OP, 2 months ago, I was in your EXACT shoes: being friends with the ex, needing NC, and not knowing if I should delete him or not. My ex and I were together for 9 months. Broke up. Did the "friends" thing directly afterward (BAD, BAD idea!). This is what happened: For a while, we stayed friends. I wanted to move on, but was too concerned with "hurting" him. But I eventually found ENA. Looked at people's stories. And what people did who successfully moved on. NC was a big part of the success stories. They deleted and blocked their exes. And started working on themselves. I wanted to do that too, but was too scared on somehow offending my ex, and ruining our friendship. It wasn't until I got some advice on here: from DramaLlama (look her up. She's ENA's apostle of NC) and Benville, about cutting contact and putting myself first. That I was able to do it. During the last time my ex and I talked, he told me he preferred us being "friends" after our break up. I thought it could be done. But, after taking a hard look, I realized I wasn't healing, and talking to him, was only making my feelings worse. So, a week later, I finally decide to do the hard thing: block and delete him from all my social media: messengers, facebook, emails, all that. Next, I deleted all his family and friends off my page, sent him an NC email, and blocked him. When you block your ex, you'll have to man up for the first 48 hours. During those first 48 hours, you'll feel like the world's biggest fool. Like you made the worst decision Ever. But after those 48 hours, you'll get unbelieveable peace that you did the BEST THING FOR YOURSELF IN MOVING ON! You cracked during those 48 hours. It wasn't because it was the wrong decision, it was because you lost sight of moving on. Today is Day #60 of NC for me! And I'm INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL THAT I WENT NO CONTACT AND BLOCKED MY EX! There's NO WAY I could've healed otherwise. Although I'm not completely over him. I'm about 70-80% there. Whereas, if I had done what was best for him--staying friends--I would've been living under some grand illusion, while HE no doubt, was living his life, guilt free, talking to other women and putting me on the backburner. NC has allowed me to take control of my life. NC has allowed me to move on. NC has put me in the driver's seat. OP, if you're scared that NC will rob you of friendship with your ex, I thought the same thing. And I'd ask you to think about this instead: if your ex is REALLY your friend. And I mean a good, sincere, friend, he will understand your needs right now and respect that. Not like it, but respect it. If he's really your friend, and the break up ended on a respectful note, then you will talk again, and your friendship will resurface. NC doesnt tear anything down. On the opposite, it's giving you an opportunity to be a better friend, because you'll be able to talk to him honestly, without needing to cyberstalk him on Facebook, or needing to see what he's up to anymore. OP, do what's best for you. Finally, someone told me this while I was still friends with my ex (I ignored it then, but I realize its 100% true now): Staying friends with the ex directly after break up (if they dumped you), only HELPS the EX, NOT YOU! It eases their guilt. It gives THEM the ego boost, and lets them know that even if they can't get someone else right then, they can always fall back on at least one person who will tell how good they are. If they've chosen to be without you, let them live with that. I not only deleted my ex but blocked him. Yes, sometimes I nearly die from curiosity, but it's much better than driving myself crazy looking at his status updates or seeing him pop up on mutual friends' posts. I highly, highly recommend it. Sure, it may seem drastic, but I'm past the point of caring what everyone else thinks. If everyone thinks I'm psycho and overreacting for deleting him, so be it. [/u]I'd rather have my peace of mind. I had to block my ex too. It was the best choice I ever made, second to NC itself. Moving on is 3 times harder, without blocking the ex. Link to comment
dontlookback23 Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I blocked and deleted my ex the night we broke up. Granted, there were other motivations behind me doing in but I sincerely believe that having that constant reminder that your ex is enjoying life without you is way worse than not knowing what he or she is doing! I agree with RitaTrue that NC won't destroy a true friendship or relationship but instead, give you more perspective and time to heal. When the time is ready and the dust has settled, he or she might reach out to you or vice versa. There are other ways of doing that besides facebook so do what is necessary to help you move on. Link to comment
dabears23 Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 you don't necessarily need to delete them.. if you go to their profile page, theres a tab that says "subscribe" on the upper right.. click on that and there's things that you can choose not to see from your ex.. I decided not to see any of my ex's statuses or pictures she is tagged in.. i think that's the best way if you guys still want to have some sort of contact Link to comment
The Man Who Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 One of the best things that I've done was de-activate facebook - she had blocked me first but kept on logging on her Mum's profile to see what I was up to. Plus her friends used to ask what I was doing at the weekends etc, they barely spoke to me if I was face to face with them. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 I think deleting him can help with moving on. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 Yes. And do it without a word. Just delete and move on. Link to comment
midnightdeirdre Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 Staying friends with the ex directly after break up (if they dumped you), only HELPS the EX, NOT YOU! It eases their guilt. It gives THEM the ego boost, and lets them know that even if they can't get someone else right then, they can always fall back on at least one person who will tell how good they are. If they've chosen to be without you, let them live with that I broke it off with him because our goals became too different. And I decided to unsuscribe from his posts, but thanks for your input. I will admit, deleting people on facebook can be a good thing. I was friends on facebook with people I knew from high school; looking at their pix/profiles made me sad, as it only brought back unhappy memories from my teen years. So I deleted them, and that HELPED IMMENSELY. Link to comment
midnightdeirdre Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 After reading this again, and chatting with my ex a few minutes ago, I'm beginning to realize deleting him may be the best thing to do after all. Thanks! Link to comment
Allipie Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 yea...DELETE DELETE DELETE!! I've been waking up with panic attacks for the past few nights because of seeing things on his facebook. Even though we're no longer FB friends, I could still see when he added people. I've since blocked him, but I still think about it. hang in there. Link to comment
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