separated..............

[plt]

My wife and I have been married for 5 years, known each other 5 years prior. 3 weeks ago my wife moved out of the house and yesterday signed a lease agreement(she has the option of a 1 or 6 month and i don't know which she took yet). We have attended 5 counseling sessions together and still do.

 

Her reasons for 'separating' was for many reasons, no cheating or physical abuse by either of us! When we go to counseling she gets very emotional when she says "she has lost herself". When asked she can't really give a answer as to what she has 'lost'.

 

I am very hopeful that we might be able to heal our marriage because: She still wants to attend counseling, she wants to meet with my family members, we are always texting.

 

I know she is in a lot of emotional pain and i have asked if there is anything i can do to help her. she doesn't know what i can do! It is tearing me up inside knowing what she is feeling and that i can't help!

 

Does anyone have any guidance or advice to offer??? Please feel free to ask more questions because i know i have left out many things.

[avman]

Any chance she's with someone else? How long have there been problems?

[endy]

Buy the book reconciliation by Thich Nhat Hahn. Read it, use the knowledge and insight you get from it. Have her read it as well if she's willing. It should help, and it may even save your marriage if applied right.

[catfeeder]

The harder you try to hang on, the worse you'll make this and the more you'll push her away.

 

Take the pressure out of that cooker by pulling back. Let her get her bearings alone and allow her to learn what life would look like without you in it.

 

She can't miss you if you don't allow her to go away.

 

I'd meet for counseling but nothing else, or I'd stall the counseling for a few weeks until she decides she's ready to pick it up again. I'd let her know that I need to drop off her radar for a while and can't be available to her for anything that doesn't impact you both. I'd also see a lawyer for advice about whether filing for legal separation offers you protections from any debt she may incur during this time. (All locations are different.)

 

Not everyone who separates divorces, so trust that and give her room to breathe, to think, and to work out her stuff solo. The only away you can both trust that any reconciliation is solid is for it to come voluntarily from her, and if you attempt to influence that at all, you will never feel free of the fear that another break isn't right around the corner. So be smart.

 

We're here for you, and head high.