stillsadtoday

[stillsadtoday]

Over 3 years ago I lost my boyfriend, John to postrate cancer.I visited him everyday in the hospital. He went through surgery because of a tumor on his spine, he then had radiation and cemo treatments. I brought him home on weekends then back for therpy. Then the cancer went through his body and he never walked again. I still cry everyday. If I didn't have my cat I think I would have lost it because I live alone. It helps to be with friends but when you come home your alone. I thought that I could date but when I did I couldn't have a real reltionship.John and I lived together for 12 years. Sometimes I feel I need professional help but I can't get myself there.

[fromnywithlove]

I am so, so, so sorry for your loss. I cannot even begin to imagine the profound sense of loss that you felt and still are feeling.

 

Please do not take this the wrong way, but I think the best option for you would be to find someone to speak to. You don't have to go out and start dating until you are ready, and even if that takes you three more years it's totally okay. But it is not fair to you nor to the memory of John to spend the rest of your life under a cloud of darkness. I am sure he would have wanted you to be happy, to celebrate his life, and celebrate yours.

 

I sincerely hope you find peace. If you ever feel like talking, we're all here for you.

[thejigsup]

I know the pain you are feeling. My bf died in April from a heart attack. I grieved, and am still grieving, but I have not stopped living or enjoying life. He would NOT have wanted that and neither do I. I am not ready to date by any means, but I do make plans with my friends or just by myself, to go out on weekends to places I love. Every weekend I go to Disneyland, the beach, the zoo, a museum, out to dinner with a friend, SOMETHING that reminds me that life is still liveable and enjoyable. I have also continued with my education and go to school. I have my sad moments and I still cry often, but I laugh and smile just as much. Your bf died, so it is your job to LIVE for the both of you. I agree that you need to talk to someone. This kind of pain will eat you alive if you let it.

[snowhermit]

I lost my wife after a there year battle with breast cancer. We actually talked about my carrying on after she was gone. The very thought of any form of relationship with anyone is repellant to me. I hope that eventually I will feel like I have a reason to celebrate again and truly enjoy life, but I believe that you need time to be alone, to scream sat the walls, to cry while curled in a ball to let the overpowering grief to vent. People generally don't seem to know how to cope with the widows and widowers because it's something that most of our peers have not experienced. I talk to her picture, I think of her every day and I cry over my own pain at not having her by my side. She was the best thing that ever happened to me with the exception of my sons. I will never forget her, I don't want to. All I really hope for is that the pain will recede to the point that I can enjoy being with other people. I am writing this so that you can know and anyone else that stumbles over it can know. You are not alone, there is nothing wrong with you. It takes a long time to deal with loosing someone who you love with all your heart. It may well take years before you feel normal for the most part. Go and talk with hospice, therapist, clergy, whomever you feel comfortable with. And if you are a friend to someone suffering this kind of loss, the best thing you can do for them is to just sit and listen, don't offer platitudes, they feel insulting. Just listen to the same tale of misery over and over again. We that have these losses feel alone, misunderstood, frustrated and awkward because we know that we can be depressing to be around. A patient ear is so appreciated.