Flatmate complaining that she can hear my bed squeak during sex

[smartypants007]

I'm in my early 20s, and share a house with three other girls. We each have separate rooms. Recently, one of my flatmate (who is also my best friend) has been complaining that she can hear my bed squeak when I'm having sex with my boyfriend. She suggested that I should have music playing while having sex, have sex on the floor, or check to make sure no one else is at home before having sex.

 

Is she being unreasonable?

 

My boyfriend and I try to be very respectful to everyone in the house. He only stays over one night a week, we're never screaming or making loud sex noises. We're not overly affectionate in common areas of the house, so I feel that I'm entitled to have private time with my boyfriend in my own bedroom without having to turn the music on, check my flatmates' schedules, or have sex on the floor just because the bed squeaks. (We have a mice problem at the moment, so having sex on the floor is a terrible idea!)

 

She said it makes her uncomfortable that she can hear my bed squeaking when she's watching TV in the living room, because it's "obvious what we're doing." I respect that she wants to feel comfortable in her own house. However, I also want to feel comfortable in my own bedroom.

 

Who's right? This is causing the strain in our friendship.

[DN]

I see her point of view. Why can't you do something to stop the squeak and thus the complaint?

[smartypants007]

It's a metal bed frame. We're all in school, so I don't have money to do buy a new bed. Besides, it's a matter of principle. I would understand her point if we were roommates and she has to hear the bed squeak all the time, but we have separate bedrooms and my boyfriend stays over one night a week.

[agent1607307371]

Do any of the other girls have bf's and do they get the same complaint?

[smartypants007]

I am the only one with a bf at the moment. The other girls have not said anything about the sound.

 

Also, to add an extra layer of complexity, I'm not sure how much of this has to do with the squeaking, and how much has to do with the fact the my best friend (housemate who's complaining) doesn't like my boyfriend.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Figure out how to fix the squeaking problem. I understand your roommate. It is uncomfortable having to hear this. I have lived in apartments where the person upstairs is having sex and you can hear the squeaking bed. It gets very annoying.

 

If you want to have sex then go to his apartment if he has a quieter bed. Your roommates should not have to be sitting in the comfort of their own home thinking "I guess they are having sex now". Also, don't you feel kind of embarrassed that your roommates hear when you are having private intimate moments with your boyfriend?

[annony]

Fix the squeak. It's awkward to have to hear this, and I'm not even sure why you want to continue doing it now that you know she can hear it.

If I knew for a fact (and couldn't pretend) that my housemates could hear my bed squeaking I would be too embarrassed to let that go on.

I've fixed squeaky beds for nothing before, so being a broke student isn't really an excuse IMO. Sometimes all it takes is a piece of cardboard between the mattress and the frame.

[civilservant]

Yeah fix the squeak - really its not that difficult. I have and do now live in shared houses and anything like that is extremely uncomfortable.

 

Also, to add an extra layer of complexity, I'm not sure how much of this has to do with the squeaking, and how much has to do with the fact the my best friend (housemate who's complaining) doesn't like my boyfriend.

 

Thats not even relevant - you said yourself you know it squeaks.

[RelaxByWater84]

Is your room next to the living room?? If it is does your bed border the shared wall?? I would try to rectify the situation. Part of being a roommate or flatmate is realizing that you are sharing a home with someone or someones. There will be times when you do have to compromise. It is roommate/flatmate etiquette to take steps to make sure your roommates/flatmates do not hear things during sex. Insulating the door bottom with towels, putting on music, not banging the bed against the wall, not making obnoxious noises, making sure the bed doesn't squeak.

[blitzkrieged]

metal bed? buy some wd-40 duh!

[DylanNotorious]

Yes I also think it's a bit inconsiderate of you not to try and fix the squeak. Can't your boyfriend fix it?

[fromnywithlove]

I don't think she's being inconsiderate. It's kind of awkward for someone to hear that. Personally, if I were here I wouldn't mind it but I know that most people don't think like me.

[charity]

its once a week people!!!. where is everyone's sense of humour. i don't think her flatmate should be complaining about this at all.

[RelaxByWater84]

its once a week people!!!. where is everyone's sense of humour. i don't think her flatmate should be complaining about this at all.

 

It might not be a consistent once a week day. One week it might be Tuesday another week it might be Friday. It would be embarrassing if any of the housemates had their parents over there that night or friends. It is just a simple case of roommate etiquette to take steps to ensure that your private time stay just that private.

[DN]

This won't be an issue if the suggestion about WD40 works. Graphite might be a good option too.

[catfeeder]

I've actually heard of girls who agree upon going in to no opposite sex sleepovers--period.

 

While I'd never agree to such a home, it's reasonable to consider that having a guy over disrupts everyone else--from working around sharing a bathroom with a man who you never volunteered to accommodate to not feeling all that comfortable walking around your own home in your bedclothes. Nobody's asking you to stop inviting him over, are they?

 

I'd attempt to fix the bed and possibly pull it to the center of the room. I'd also consider the music and trying out less noisy positions. I'd do what it takes to not alienate the people I live with, and if that means sleeping at BFs place, I'd even take it that far.

[Mesemene]

A sheet of plywood over the springs, if they're the issue, usually works as well.

 

Fix the bed hon - roommate doesn't want to hear your bed hollering "Whoopeee!!!!"

[Fudgie]

I don't think she's asking much at all. I think you're being rather inconsiderate if you're saying "well it's only once a week, so you should put up with it". No, it doesn't matter how infrequent it is, it's sort of uncomfortable to hear and it's ANNOYING. I'm sure if you were in her position, you'd want to say something.

 

I say fix the bed. If that doesn't work, have sex on the floor. If the squeaking isn't that loud, I would definitely just put on music before you get it on.

 

Opposite sex sleepovers can be a little awkward. I've brought my boyfriend over before. My roommates are kind of weird about guys (none of them date) so we don't even talk to them and try to minimise all our interactions. Most of the time - my roommates don't even know he's here! He won't use the shower unless they are all out/asleep and we won't use the kitchen or living room until they are gone out or asleep. And they can't hear my bed or anything like that.

 

One time they asked me "Hey, were you gone all this weekend?" No, my boyfriend spent 2 nights here! Stealthy!

[greywolf]

Ok, imagine this: You're having sex with your boyfriend, your friend hears the squeek, and comes to knock on your door to tell you to quiet down. How would you feel about that? Wouldn't that be even more uncomfortable for you than what she has to listen to? If I was your friend, that's what I'd do, and I'm sure you'd fix the squeek very soon after that, or at least be considerate enough to play music.

 

Or I'd probably joke very loudly outside your door about how I was getting to listen to free porn and make comments on how big your boyfriend's penis is.

[tommytoxen]

Who says you have to do it on the bed?

 

Do it on the floor. Against the wall. Bent over a desk. Take him out and do it in a field, back of his car, bent over the bonnet of his car, down an alleyway, in a nightclub, in changing rooms of a clothes shop, public toilets. There's millions of places you can do it, and it'll fix the strain in your r/ship too because you're being more exciting than just in a bed!

[capilot]

its once a week people!!!. where is everyone's sense of humour. i don't think her flatmate should be complaining about this at all.

 

People who aren't getting any themselves tend not to have a sense of humor about situations like this.

[MakeItCount]

People who aren't getting any themselves tend not to have a sense of humor about situations like this.

 

No, I think people without a sense of humor just don't have a sense of humor hahaha. Obvious MIC is obvious..

 

Anyhoo, I think there's a lot of uptight people in this thread. Pretty much all my friends just laugh and joke when girls are over. Same with girls who live with all girls. Boyfriends, one night stands, freakish all night long sex rallies..it's all good. Buddy's gf broke our shower at 3am and woke us up. She isn't ever hearing the end of that one. And it's okay.

 

But I digress, just puzzled I guess. If she has a big problem, respect that it's her home too, and get your bf to bring out some WD-40 and a screwdriver. That usually fixes the problem. If that fails, grab some duct tape and strap the living crap out of any hinges/joints in the bed. My ex and I broke my wooden frame, so me and a buddy got creative .. I'm sure your bf can do the same. I don't envy you living with this chick though..omg people are having sex..must be creeped out.

[pinkelephant]

oh geez, my bf's bed squeaks too and even though we only have sex once a month, we try not to do it if his roommate is home or if she is, we do it else where.

[greywolf]

I don't envy you living with this chick though..omg people are having sex..must be creeped out.

 

It's not about being creeped out. It's about being polite and considerate. There's nothing wrong with sex, but no one should have to listen to your intimate moments either, unless they like it. It'd probably make me horny and I'd be sure to tell me roommate about how I got off to the sounds of their lovemaking.

[DN]

WD40

 

The answer, previously expressed, is so short you have to type extra words.