Is this relationship falling apart? How can we both try to fix it?

[oasisrob22]

Good morning all,

 

I'm currently in a relationship that has caused me to worry and stress for the past several weeks. I'll give you guys a quick background:

 

We met in November 2009, became good friends, started dating in January 2010 and were officially together in February 2010. Broke up in September 2010 because of my alcohol problem (during June - August, we weren't technically together because we had a falling out over my alcohol problem initially). We didn't speak or see each other at all for a good 6 months after that -- I went to counseling for my alcohol abuse problem, cleaned up my act, graduated college, got a new car, dated several girls but nothing big, and got my first new post-grad job all within that 6 month period. She had gotten a new boyfriend a month after we broke up in October 2010 and dated him for several months. During this 6 month period, she would text/drunk dial/butt dial me on average once a week, almost all of which I ignored. We re-connected in the spring after I finally gave in and we reconciled our differences. We gradually started hanging out again, going out on dates, hooking up, texting throughout the day, and our feelings came back stronger than ever. We discussed for a while the pros and cons of getting back together, and we finally decided to give it another shot. We officially got back together in July of this year.

 

So we've been together for about 3 months, with the intentions of both seeing this through long-term. I work 45-50 hours a week in the financial industry, while she is a senior undergraduate at the university in town, with three more years of grad school coming up at the same university. The first 2 months of the relationship were great; however, it faltered last month, when I got super-busy with work and I would not make time to call her on my breaks or text her much during the day. Then I would come home grumpy and tired from work and not really be that much fun to hang out with in the evening. She eventually sat me down and had a talk about how she was unhappy at the lack of effort I had been putting in. She understood that my job was important but I would have to put in more effort if we were going to make this work.

 

I listened to her, and started putting in a considerable amount of effort after that talk. We started going out on weekly lunch dates, I would call her twice during my work day, and we would hang out almost every evening, spending the night with each other about 3-4 times a week.

 

Everything sounds like it's improving from the talk right? Wrong. I feel as if she has pulled back and is not putting in much effort anymore. She never initiates affection, rarely says "I love you" first, very hot then cold, etc. etc.

 

Another issue that may be contributing directly to all this is our sex life. We have always had a great sex life, and would have sex at least 3 times a week. Now? We have had sex twice in the past 3-4 weeks. I can't even remember the last time we had sex, honestly. She said that the last few times we've had sex, it felt good at first then it started hurting. Ever since, the sexual intimacy in our relationship has disappeared. We talked about it recently and she wants me to be more aggressive in trying to turn her on. I hadn't tried to make much of a move because I knew it hurt to have sex and she was going to see her doctor about it next week, so I wanted to be respectful and wait. Miscommunication on both of our ends, I suppose.

 

She told me two nights ago that that was the only problem in our relationship, that there is a lack of sexual intimacy. She has a very high sex drive, but she told me whenever she thinks of sex, it doesn't turn her on at all.

 

I guess I reached my breaking point and needed to post on here after what happened last night. Maybe I'm overreacting, but she is out of town this weekend visiting her girlfriends in a different state. Last night, she went out and got really drunk and fell, tweeting a picture of her bloody knee. All while ignoring my texts when I asked her if how she was doing, if she was having a good time, etc. etc. It was almost as if I was a bother to her. She ended up tweeting at a guy who she was friends with and he had confessed earlier that he had feelings for her, and she said that she told him she couldn't talk to him anymore because she had a boyfriend and would be inappropriate. Yet she tweets at him? How does that add up? I was out last night and I left early because I was tired, and I told her twice she can call if she wants to because I was going to bed. No call. I texted her before I went to sleep and told her to have fun and be safe and that I love her. I got a missed call from her at 2AM last night but that was it. This morning, she texted me saying she fractured her foot because she fell last night, citing that she was really drunk. Sweet.

 

I need some advice. I don't know if this relationship is faltering, or if it's just a phase we're going through. I have no idea what the next step needs to be. I welcome any realistic advice, and I apologize if this point was long. Thanks!

[oasisrob22]

Perhaps I should further clarify...

 

Last night when I saw a picture of her hurting herself, I texted her and asked if I could call because I knew she was out. She said she wouldn't be able to hear because she was at a bar. So naturally I texted her asking if she was okay and if she was safe, etc. etc. Clearly, I do care.

 

Also, with the whole sex issue, I was trying to be respectful and not force anything upon her, which was a miscommunication on my part because she did tell me later that she wanted me to try more and make more moves.