Does anyone else feel frustration after making changes and looking back?

[Aleina2011]

This is exactly what I was thinking about today. My bf of 2 years moved out on Friday night (too much arguing and bickering in our relationship). What makes things worse is that we had got back together a year ago after a first big BU. In the few months between breaking up and getting back together I worked a lot on myself. I moved to his country, found a job, bought a flat. Now I am heartbroken once again and I know that this time I have no chances of reconciliation and although I am aware that it was also his fault that we were constantly bickering, I can't see the point of "going out there and better myself". Becasue at the end of the day it didn't help the first time around. Yes back then I sounded very convincing and this was partly the reason he dicided to give it another go. But at the end of the day I know deep down that if I really wanted to do all these things I would have done them while in the relationship. Instead it feels like taking up activities as a replacement for what I really care and want. Don't get me wrong, I realise that I do not have much of a choice here. But my days are quite busy as they are not, I already work, study towards a masters degree part-time, attend language course and was contemplating doing yoga. By the end of the week I was soo tired! For me I go to a point where I cannot trust my feelings anymore. When he was there, I wished he was't, and now that he's gone, I wish I had shut up and maybe complain less. I don't know what I really want, I feel like my feelings have betrayed me and I can't trust them. I wasn't 100% happy with the situation and I would make it clear. I had well in mind the previous BUs and how I had suffered when he was gone. But I thought it was important to get my message accross. Now I am left with this pain and the realisation that whatever I do 1) is not going to get him back; 2) will not change the way I behave in my next relationshio because it seems I am incapable of learning from previous relationships. I feel really awful.

[Aleina2011]

I didn't really lose attraction to HIM. I still am attracted to him, at least physically. But emotionally, the relationship was no long fulfilling my needs and he wasn't stepping up to help make it happen. After 3.5 years together the relationship hadn't progressed at all, if anything, it went backwards. We had talked about it over and over and over again... and yet nothing ever seemed to change. I just had enough....

 

I had the same problem with my ex, he wasn't ready to take the relationship to another level and this was causing arguments/bickering. In the end though, he had enough and walked out. My problem is that I am not strong enough to say to myself that it was the right thing and that I will be fine without him. While I say that I love him and am willing to work on things, he tells me that because of the way the past months have been he's love is gone and he doesn't want this - us - anymore. I don't know how to get over this because I know that I will be waiting for him, as that's what happened last time we broke up. NC, us being friends, all to prove him that I was worth being with. I am worried I am not able to do things just for myself. I am too scared of even thiking am "on my own".