Anyone realized they don't want their ex back?

[gluestick]

Tonight I'm feeling quite down and need to hear inspirations. Anyone here realized you didn't want your ex back after you've healed and moved on? I want to get rid of the hope that lingers in the back of my mind and know that I'd want to share my new SELF with someone who deserves all my love.

[LDRohnos]

99.999999999998% (rounded up) of the people who have broken up with someone got over it eventually. the other .0000000000000000002% got back with their ex'es.

 

You'll get there!

[tommytoxen]

I found it very difficult for the first few months. I missed her like crazy. I regretted everything that went wrong, I regret the silly arguments over nothing and ironically my fear of being cheated on is what drove her to cheat on me in the end.

 

However, I learned from my mistakes and one night just decided that she was merely a stepping stone towards a happy relationship, she showed me my faults and I realized what I needed to work on so I wouldn't make the same mistakes again.

 

I don't even want to speak to her again, nevermind want her back.

[QSP]

I broke up with her 2 weeks ago and i'm fine!!!! The healing process is different for everyone

[Fudgie]

I wanted my ex back for a month. After a month, I started to not to. I loved him dearly but I began to see that I wanted a relationship with someone who I didn't have to worry about all the time, about their health that is. I also wanted someone who would be able to travel with me, as I value that very much.

 

It's very difficult being in a relationship with someone, when you're in your prime (20s) and they are on the downhill (late 50s). It's very emotionally exhausting. I think it's that way for people when they retire and see each other age so quickly and that's fine but at this point, it was getting hard for me to deal with considering that my ex wasn't really doing anything to improve his state of mind. and I saw that he wasn't going to. Why should he? He's much older and set in his ways. It's downright stupid of me to think that I can just come in and be like "CHANGE WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING FOR THE PAST 50+ YEARS FOR ME"

 

That's when I realised that it was time to move on.

[offplanet]

It's possible to want your ex to WANT you back, but not actually want to be back with them. Nobody likes to be rejected, full stop.

[Thorshammer]

Every ex gf I had tried to get back with me, and every single one I dropped cold. I lost interest, they were no longer attractive to me, I still kept a grudge, and that was going backwards to even associate with them. All those women helped me to create the archetype of the women I want for forever, they set the foundation of what i want and dont want, so that is going backwards. Besides, I have too much pride and respect for myself to take someone back who left and broke up with me.

 

I have an ex of 5 years ago who didnt even tell me its over. I had to stalk her for her to tell me in her coldest way that she was done with me. Shes been chasing me for 5 years and I just raise her hopes up, but then say I am too busy to go outside to see her. Yes this is immature, and no, I dont care what people think. She looks sloppy to me now. This is the same course for many of my ex's. One ex hit me up out of the blue, and i tried to talk to her sister behind her back when she did, I didnt care. They both had a fight over me, it was hilarious. I dont think they listen when I tell them I never take ex's back.

 

My current ex was my sweetest and the one I truly loved. But i consider myself a alpha-male type character, and I told her, you only get one chance with me. How ridiculous that you all my ex's bfs left her for other women, and/or used her, and here I come along, way better than they were, and she leaves me out of the blue? REALLY? REALLY? Complaining about not meeting good guys, and she met me and fell hard, to leave without a reason? I focus on this, and yes, it does have some cold hatred, but regardless, I wont take her back unless she chases me to the end of the earth. I am 3 months into BU and I am already am disgusted with her and all her flaws, in a few more months she will be a complete stranger to me (and yes, I am healed and got over it).

[BlueRose66]

I am getting well over it too. It is going on 4 months. I was actually the one who asked for time and space and then it turned into a break up. Thanks Thorshammer for reminding me that it would take a 360 on my part to be able to work with her non communicative issues. I would rather move on to healthier pastures so to speak.

 

After the pain and grief, shock and anger pass, one can clearly see things a bit better. At least I have.

[lemonhaze]

My current ex was my sweetest and the one I truly loved. But i consider myself a alpha-male type character, and I told her, you only get one chance with me. How ridiculous that you all my ex's bfs left her for other women, and/or used her, and here I come along, way better than they were, and she leaves me out of the blue? REALLY? REALLY? Complaining about not meeting good guys, and she met me and fell hard, to leave without a reason? I focus on this, and yes, it does have some cold hatred, but regardless, I wont take her back unless she chases me to the end of the earth.

 

I'm going through the same thing right now, very inspiring words here, thanks.

[Generation]

I'd accept her friendship, that's what I truly miss.

[offplanet]

I like your attitude Thorshammer. It's harsh but good. Don't take any ..... That's really good to hear.

[loulou37]

Tonight I'm feeling quite down and need to hear inspirations. Anyone here realized you didn't want your ex back after you've healed and moved on? I want to get rid of the hope that lingers in the back of my mind and know that I'd want to share my new SELF with someone who deserves all my love.

 

I'm sort of n the middle at the moment...my ex broke up with me a month ago, i've still got a little hope inside me but on the other hand i think, i don't want him...he's hurt me too much, i don't trust him anymore..how could i ever take him back.

 

loulou x

[jeepman41]

I've read several of your posts and one thing that's always a constant is you say you would never take an ex back. In other words you don't believe in second chances? Is that just the only option for yourself or is that a generalisation.?

[Thorshammer]

I've read several of your posts and one thing that's always a constant is you say you would never take an ex back. In other words you don't believe in second chances? Is that just the only option for yourself or is that a generalisation.?

 

Its based on my ex's and the way they broke up with me. Its funny you asked that because i was arguing with my friend over this (who is a female, who actually broke up with someone who she regretted breaking up with, her break up was similar to mines, but far more respectful and less suspicious). There is no such thing as a proper to way to break up with someone, but there is a proper way to show respect and care for someone you once loved and still say claim was your "everything".

[tommytoxen]

I've read several of your posts and one thing that's always a constant is you say you would never take an ex back. In other words you don't believe in second chances? Is that just the only option for yourself or is that a generalisation.?

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I don't even talk to ex's, I'd certainly never take one back! Problem with second chances is it's never just a second chance. Once someone thinks they can treat you like crap and you forgive them and take them back they'll do it again because they know you're weak and they have the control.

[jeepman41]

Its based on my ex's and the way they broke up with me. Its funny you asked that because i was arguing with my friend over this (who is a female, who actually broke up with someone who she regretted breaking up with, her break up was similar to mines, but far more respectful and less suspicious). There is no such thing as a proper to way to break up with someone, but there is a proper way to show respect and care for someone you once loved and still say claim was your "everything".

 

 

Thanks for the explanation. It just seems that since this is the "Getting Back Together" forum, it appears that there are more stories of the exact opposite and I was wondering is this the norm or the exception. I've never gotten back with an ex but I haven't ruled it out either. I guess you're right about it being the person with whom you broke up with and the situation surrounding the breakup.

[EgoJoe]

I don't want who she was at the end of the relationship back and I wouldn't make it easy on her. Not because she broke up with me but because of how she handled it. I'll always miss the moments we had because it still feels as if they are unrepeatable.

 

But, I'm not interested in her or other women right now. I'm going to be the best man I can be for me.

[Fudgie]

There are no "second chances" when the reason that you broke up is not because of a "mistake" that someone made, but rather, they are set in their ways and not open to change. It just means you're incompatible. What are you going to do? You move on.

[Mesemene]

I wouldn't have mine back if you offered to set me up in a mansion for the rest of my life. And not just because I've since moved on and remarried.

 

I realized (today, oddly enough) that while I'm well over him, there's still some residual anger there and negative feelings towards him. Since my children were involved, I had to keep the high ground, and never express just how much he hurt me, or for that matter, how freaking angry he made me and how miserable of a person I really thought he was most of the time.

 

And realizing that I spent years telling other people "oh he's a good guy, just not suited to me," now makes me pretty darn mad. Even when he was denigrating me, I was defending his "honor" such as it were. He lost that particular quality a long time ago.

 

Not for millions of bucks, and not in a million years.

[EgoJoe]

That was might big of you to still say positive things about him and I respect you for it. The bitterness while justifiable will only drag us down. I for one can't (one of the few times I'm ok with this word) even bring my whole "self" to work. I have to section off who I am before I go so I only have positivity to share.

 

When I start my own business, oh man my employees are so fuuuuuuucked, hahaha.

[tommytoxen]

Nice one Mes, sounds like you're doing well!

 

And haha, I feel exactly the same way.

 

My ex fiancee could knock on my door right now, be down on her knees with a bag full of millions in cash, completely naked and be BEGGING for me take her back and I'd slam the door in her face. Or just call my girlfriend and have her knock the ten bells of smelly stuff out of her haha.

 

Admittedly my girlfriend is much younger than my ex, but she's smarter; prettier; funnier; sexier; more adventerous; more mature and twice the woman my ex ever will be.

[1guygirl]

i wouldnt have my ex ex ex threw at me

 

i wouldnt take my ex ex back either

 

and im starting to not want my ex back the way things are going....but if he man'ed up, stopped hiding behind himself, and truly loved and valued me, there would be that chance...but then him suddenly doing all of that is highly unlikey after 4 months of wishy washyness and selfish breacrumb contacting ...its weird when you find yourself falling out of love with them.

[Thorshammer]

Thanks for the explanation. It just seems that since this is the "Getting Back Together" forum, it appears that there are more stories of the exact opposite and I was wondering is this the norm or the exception. I've never gotten back with an ex but I haven't ruled it out either. I guess you're right about it being the person with whom you broke up with and the situation surrounding the breakup.

 

I told my friend that I would give her maybe 2 months. Within that time-frame I personally felt she would realize her mistake, and I wouldnt think she was testing the waters with someone else, or thinking about someone else. Anything more than that will make me feel like an option, a plan b. Yes, this is assumption, but since its coming from my head, and my head is the one that will sort this stuff out, I will think I cant love her and watch my back at the same time.

 

But, there are other possibilities. If she had depression and I speak to a therapist to confirm, her mother talks to me and explains everything, something like that would make sense enough for me to take her back. Just hitting me up wit a "hey, how are you?" and, "are you single now?" Will just get tossed away.

[fortune]

Tonight I'm feeling quite down and need to hear inspirations. Anyone here realized you didn't want your ex back after you've healed and moved on? I want to get rid of the hope that lingers in the back of my mind and know that I'd want to share my new SELF with someone who deserves all my love.

 

Oh dear ! I know that feeling and I have always eventually realized that I did not want them back !

 

Don't worry about it too much, these things take time, it is natural to have hope and after all he might come back it happens a lot, you just have to make an effort to not dwell, not to put all of your eggs in one basket, keep busy.

 

In my case:

 

First was an 8 year relationship from 18 to 26 years old. I WAS DEVASTATED. It is ten years later and I mostly only have happy thoughts about us, and I do not want him back I am affectionately detached. It probably took about 2 years before I realized that I would not want him back anyway. (he never really tried to reconcile but he had a very hard time after the BU)

 

The next one was a 2 month relationship that I was somewhat upset about and it took a couple of months to realize I did not want him back. ( He continued to contact me afterwards and we became friends, dodged that bullet he is a serial cheater, good friend very bad boyfriend)

 

After that a three month relationship, but we had been intense friends for a year before we started dating, I was terribly upset when it ended and it took me maybe 5-6 months to not want a reconciliation...after that I was mostly angry, and now I don't care, I see him occasionally at social gatherings and he seems to have extreme fond memories of us LOL ! Litterally gushes over me when I am around paying for drinks and behaving jealously) Really don't know why I was so upset, Once we started dating all I remember is that he slept, ate, drank, and slept some more.

 

The most recent one I dated for two years (good relationship, we were supposed to move in together and he got cold feet), it ended 3 1/2 months ago and I still have some hope, but this too shall pass...I was very upset, but it truly does get better with time and effort, and the more effort you put in the sooner it gets better.

 

I went no contact right away and he sent me an email a few days ago congratulating me for something he read in the newspaper and unfortunetely it has set me back a little (as in, rereading the email a few times, analyzing, watching a romantic comedy and tearing up a little , thet type of thing). But no biggie really, just a little ouch factor, and new hope.

 

It is a strange feeling to look behind and remember the pain when it is non existent in the present.

 

Keep in mind that if you are low today, it is just today. You might not feel the same way tomorrow. And certainly not in a month. At least not consistently.

 

You might wake up next to a new boyfriend in a few weeks and think ''wow I am so happy to be waking up next to this one and not the other''. Or the one you want might have come back.

 

Point is these feelings will go away THERE IS NO DOUBT. Sometimes all it takes is one night and a cute guy who flashes you a smile.

 

Hang in there.

[donpeel83]

i wouldnt have my ex ex ex threw at me

 

i wouldnt take my ex ex back either

 

and im starting to not want my ex back the way things are going....but if he man'ed up, stopped hiding behind himself, and truly loved and valued me, there would be that chance...but then him suddenly doing all of that is highly unlikey after 4 months of wishy washyness and selfish breacrumb contacting ...its weird when you find yourself falling out of love with them.

 

 

Boo

 

Well like you, my ex ex......I wouldnt want in my life in any shape or form. She was a lying cheating nasty piece of **insert generic naughty word here**

 

With my current ex, the one that im still hung up on slightly its a 50/50 affair. Yes I miss what we had and i miss the life we had and the future we talked about, but at the same time i look at her pictures from time to time and dont see her in the same light. I dont think she was that attractive looking back and was clearly too emotionally and mentally complicated and im happy knowing i tried to make the relationship work and put 110% into it!! 1GG i wont bore you with more detail as well.....you know more than I do lol But I do understand your point about if the ex were just to face their demons and accept their faults and be willing to work at things then who knows??