clint88 Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 met a girl on a dating site. we chatted for about 2 and a half weeks and then we met..we had a nice time and i asked ehr to go on a date and she said yes....i think i kinda of came on to strong so i apoligized and she said its ok and hugged me couple of weeks later she sent a message saying...i know you want to go on a date but i met someone but we can still get together and hang out when she told me that her status went from single to its complicated but now a week later its back to single. should i give up or explain to her how i feel and give it a shot? i thought about saying this "I know you said you met a guy, but I just wanted to say that I enjoyed getting to know you and chatting with you and I had a real good time when we met.If it felt like I came on to strong. i'm sorry. i was just nervous. I would enjoy taking you on a date and getting to knwo you more if you give me that chance which one sounds better? any advice you have, what you would say? also should I apologize for the coming on strong? I feel like I did a bit by being nervous Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedDress Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 First - stop apologizing. I know you feel you came on too strong, but that is a thought you should have inside your own head (and learn from it). If you keep apologizing it's a turn-off. People like confident people when they are dating... and apologizing constantly for something that the other person has not even expressed anger over is overkill. Have confidence in your actions and stop apologizing. Next - nope! She basically rejected you. That means that the ball is in her court. If she wants you, it's up to her to pursue you. Again - this is a sign of confidence. I don't think you should anything at all. Onto the next girl! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 When someone says "they've met someone," it usually means that they met someone they really clicked with and want to see where it goes. Sometimes it is just the luck of the draw - they clicked in a big way and you and she did not at this time. But what puzzles me is that you said you went out on a date and then "a few weeks later" she told you that she met someone. Does that mean that you went on one date and didn't go out again or that you went out all along? If you went out on only one date and not another, I think its best that you thank her for letting you know. She didn't have to, but its nice to have an explanation if you never go out again. If you go out with her again and believe you really want to date her, and she just wants to go out as friends, then you probably will be trying to win her over and prove that she should date you. From your note, it sounds like you are ignoring the fact that she is dating someone and are trying to win her. I would simply thank her for letting you know. You can choose to tell her that you don't want to hang out. You enjoyed meeting her, but you are looking for someone to date exclusively and will continue in your search. This way, she knows what you are looking for and there are no hard feelings - if at some point she is single, maybe she'll contact you - maybe not. You don't know her well enough to 'wait." Or you can just leave it with no explanation and just say "thanks for letting me know. I am glad you found someone." or maybe just the first part and then don't message her again ever. I think that its important to have stanards and to stick to what you want. If you want to find someone to date don't try to be "friends" with someone you really want to date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 RedDress has a good point also. You really have chatted for a short time, and don't owe her anything. But as far as "coming on too strong" just improve upon at reading a woman's body language. If you are making her uncomfortable physically, back off. But also, don't talk about "forever" on the first date, that is "too strong" - just use a date to have a nice time and get to know someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clint88 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 what if her an dthe guy dont work out? or didnt work out? cant make my move then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 what if her an dthe guy dont work out? or didnt work out? cant make my move then? Did you just go out the one time, or did you date over the couple of weeks? An after your date did you just sort of drop eachother and not go out again? You didn't answer that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeadInClouds Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Are you even sure that she really met another guy? It's not unusual for a woman to bluff by changing her status on a dating or a social site, just to give a guy like you a non confrontational brush off. This is what I think happened She chatted with you out of boredom, felt obligated to go on a date, and then found a way to get out of another one by coming up with the new guy. He might have been real, may not have been, but whatever he was... he was convenient to give her a polite reason to give you the brush off. Next time get in the right state of mind, ask for the date quicker, make a better impression/connection on the date... then there won't be a new guy to get in the way. Don't get hung up on it... Learn from it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LDRohnos Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Don't worry if you came on too strong. Could be you just came on too strong for HER. That said when meeting people on the internet most (especially women) people are very careful in the beginning. There's too many crazies out there and that's why you casually form a relationship first before anything else. Afternoon lunch, coffee, etc. Don't worry about what you did wrong, she just didn't get your vibe. Next time just take it very slowly at first...like they say first impressions are everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ariel85 Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 You did not come on too strong. Asking a girl on a date is not being pushy. Plus, you so over-apologize for things you haven't done, I can't imagine you being that aggressive. Out of curiosity, you said you chatted for a few weeks, met, then you asked her out, but it seems like a real date never materialized. Is that right? If that's the case, she probably lied about their being another guy because you asked her out, then never followed through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clint88 Posted October 8, 2011 Author Share Posted October 8, 2011 Did you just go out the one time, or did you date over the couple of weeks? An after your date did you just sort of drop eachother and not go out again? You didn't answer that one. We chatted for about 2 and a half weeks then we met. It wasn't a date when we met. More of a meeting each other. Had a great time. I said we should get together again and she agreed and I said let's call it a date and she said yes. We couldn't get together the following week due to our schedules. The following week is when she notifed me about the guy and she said she met him the other week. We did communicate still after out meeting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clint88 Posted October 8, 2011 Author Share Posted October 8, 2011 You did not come on too strong. Asking a girl on a date is not being pushy. Plus, you so over-apologize for things you haven't done, I can't imagine you being that aggressive. Out of curiosity, you said you chatted for a few weeks, met, then you asked her out, but it seems like a real date never materialized. Is that right? If that's the case, she probably lied about their being another guy because you asked her out, then never followed through. The real date never happened due to our schedules didn't work out. Then the next week is when she notified me about the guy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ariel85 Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 The real date never happened due to our schedules didn't work out. Then the next week is when she notified me about the guy Well, if she moved on because she couldn't see you for a week, then she was never interested. I still think she made the other guy up to have you stop pursuing her. I'd do just that, if I were you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clint88 Posted October 8, 2011 Author Share Posted October 8, 2011 Well, if she moved on because she couldn't see you for a week, then she was never interested. I still think she made the other guy up to have you stop pursuing her. I'd do just that, if I were you. you really think so?? why not just tell me that she wasn't interested? why go to all that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ariel85 Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 you really think so?? why not just tell me that she wasn't interested? why go to all that? She pretty much did tell you she's not interested when she told you she met someone else, yet, you're still not letting go. That's one of the reasons people aren't that honest when rejecting someone. Just move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LDRohnos Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Actually the reason people aren't honest when rejecting someone is because they're cowards...but I digress! Let her go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clint88 Posted October 8, 2011 Author Share Posted October 8, 2011 She pretty much did tell you she's not interested when she told you she met someone else, yet, you're still not letting go. That's one of the reasons people aren't that honest when rejecting someone. Just move on. ok but still... if she didnt want to she should have said she would just like ot be friends and not said yes to the date when i asked her or brought it up the day after we met or something..not wait a whole week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LDRohnos Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Generally speaking, clint88, the human race is full of inconsiderate people. You avoid contact with those people as much as possible. Including this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ariel85 Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 ok but still... if she didnt want to she should have said she would just like ot be friends and not said yes to the date when i asked her or brought it up the day after we met or something..not wait a whole week Clint - how many people have you rejected to their face? I'm sure not many. Most people will avoid the confrontation, and feeling that they hurt someone. So, they hope you get the hint otherwise... She doesn't really want to be friends, either. It's just what people SAY. You can't be that literal when it comes to dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I think the big factor is that you met once. She doesn't owe it to you to "break up with you" unless you had been going out for awhile. I think you had been counting the two and a half weeks chatting with her as part of dating, when really that is just the ice rbeaker to get you to a meet up with someone. And maybe all of your thought and building up of this girl influenced you to "come on to strong" rather than treating it really as a first meet. I think really that for whatever reason you guys didn't click. It could be anything and may have nothing to do with your conduct. Sometimes someone is just not the right person. If it is any consolation, I went out with a guy once who I thought was nice (i actually worked with him prior - we both left the company and later reconnected), etc, but when I got to thinking about it, there were things that wouldn't have been perfect but I could either justify trying to work around, oor things that were minor dealbreakers that I thought would be a problem later. Anyways, when I met my boyfriend, everything seemed to fit like a glove. I didn't go out with the other guy again. He would be perfectly awesome for someone else, but when you meet someone who is just the right fit, the guy who you sort of had a good conversation and thought was personable, etc, but just didn't check all the boxes like someone else. I hope you look at it as motivation to keep putting yourself out there. Sometimes its just a numbers game to get to meeting the right one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tuffly Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Whether she really met someone or not, she rejected you. I wouldn't reply, or just a police OK if you must. Let her wonder what she missed out on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tuffly Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Whether she really met someone or not, she rejected you. I wouldn't reply, or just a police OK if you must. Let her wonder what she missed out on. I knew that didn't look right. A POLITE reply. No need to get the police involved. LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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