So Confused

[AnswersPlease]

Ok, this is a pretty long story but please bare with me

 

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for 9 months (almost 10). We work together and we live together. We don't see each other all the time in work so it's not as bad as it sounds. She's 23 and I'm 21.

 

We've known each other for 2 years nearly and were good friends before we started dating. That's the reason things went so quickly.

Anyway, our flatmate is moving out next month so a while ago we decided we'd move out and find our own place. I should point out that I moved in with her in the first place, we didn't move out togther. She had the place already.

Lately we've been fighting and arguing over stupid insignificant things (not all of them have been insignificant, but nothing we couldn't sort out)

This has been going on for a while and it's starting to get me down. It's put me off her physically and we haven't been having regular sex for maybe a month now. That's been stressful enough as it is.

 

I care for her so much, and I really do love her. I wanted to move in togther but when she asked me a couple of days ago I told her I wasn't sure. Things escalated over the course of the conversation that followed and I said I think we should break up. We were both very upset and emotional. We slept in the same bed that night and when I woke up in the morning (before her) I looked at her and couldn't stop crying. I felt so bad and guilty, I love her so much and I don't want to hurt her. I can't imagine not having her around or holding her etc. The thing is, she's overweight. At the start of the relationship that didn't bother me, but now it does. I don't want it to but sometimes I feel very put off by her.

Anyway, when she woke up I told her I wished last night never happen and that I want to try and make things work (I'm not sure if I'm doing that for the right reasons though) so I said we should just take a break. I moved back in with my parents a few days and we haven't talked at all.

 

It's been pretty hard. I don't know what I want to do. I'm not sure whether I should try and make things ok again or just break it off completely. This came as a complete shock to her, besides the lack of sex she didn't think things were this bad. I feel so * * * * for hurting her.

 

I don't know what I want to do. I'm almost sure I don't want to get a place together because that puts us in a situation that's hard to get out of if things go belly-up in the future.

This girl is amazing. She is such a great person. So caring, understanding, funny, smart etc. I'm just not attracted to her physically. I don't think I could find another girl as cool as her and that makes me scared.

 

To make things even more complicated, there's this other girl in work who I've liked for a while. Now before I go on I know people are going to tell me not to get involved with people from work but with my job and life schedule they're the only people I can really socialise with. It's very * * * * .

Anyway, this girl really likes me and I like her too. She seems really great as well, very nice person, she's nicer looking than my girlfriend. We've talked and we've both agreed that nothing can happen given the circumstances. That kind of upset me but really it just makes everything with the other girl harder. I don't know what I should do.

 

Any suggestions would be great. I know I probably didn't explain things very well so please ask any questions and I'll be glad to fill you in.

 

Thanks in advance.

[user007]

If you still care for your girlfriend, and want to make things work, I suggest couples counseling. Often times you might simply need someone to mediate who is objective and can give insight through years of experience working with similar couples. My only hesitation with this route is it can be expensive (100-160 a session, and estimate about min 12 sessions), though often time it's negotiable. Do shop around as not all couple's counseling is the same and can vary quite a bit. I say call them up, chat a bit and see how you feel.

 

As for your co worker, you want to be careful. I say this not because it's a work thing, but because of the term, "emotional cheating." What you lack now from your girlfriend may be leading you away to other ppl to fulfill those needs. Once you realize this, the person whom you're interested in may not be as appealing as before. I'm not saying this is the case for your situation, I'm simply saying to look out for it.

 

I was once in your shoes, and been through something quite similar with a co worker. In the end, we didn't click, but I've moved on to better things and have never been happier. I know it's rough, so hang in there. It will get better, just be honest with yourself and know what you want and have the courage to follow through even if it means a little hurt: whether emotionally or financially.