Should I contact him or just move on?

[Boink]

I've been seeing this guy for 4 months and we've been texting and talking everyday. Initially , we do have a mutual understanding saying we're after long term relationship. However, we stay quite far away each other and I always make an effort to see him every 2 weeks time. He even told me that I have a very big potential to be his boy friend.

 

Everything were great until recently I asked him did he bring someone home/if he's dating someone else/ sleep with others while we are seeing other, initially he said he don't remember but later on he admitted it, I was surprise that he said he still having non string fun around for three times while we are seeing each other.

 

I didn't know how to react on that, and then he started telling me about all his histories about non string fun. I didn't blame him for that because we are just seeing other and I don't have the right to control him. Then, I made fun around asking him what's my number then? He said I'm not a number and I'm just me. I was assured by his words that he seems serious about me yet at the same time I was thinking if he's really into me, why would he still have non string fun around?

 

Later on, I convinced myself that I should be careful to avoid any heartbreak or disappointment. On the last date, he told me I'm fun, loveable, cute and everything were good except that he don't find me attractive anymore. From that moment onwards, I had a very bad feeling about it and I think no matter how careful I am, I fall for him already. He said he got a feeling that I'll never contact him anymore, and he also stresses that if I stop contacting him, I'll become a number.

 

We haven't seen each other for almost 3 weeks already but we still keep in touch by texting and talking on phone. I want to keep in touch with him because I know I like him. However, I can feel that he's not into me already after the words he said to me and also the conversation we had. He said at the current moment we are just friend but he don't know what will happen if we continue to be friends and he might fall for me later on? which I can't really deal with it. So last week I decided not to contact him and back off and think of the whole situation again. He did message me once but I didn't reply him because I'm really scared of facing any disappointment again and it really bothers me a lot.

 

Ever since then, he never message me anymore, and we stop talking for a week already. If he really likes me and treasure me, he would have make an effort to contact me again?

 

Thank you for reading such a long post and excuse my bad English

Should I stop contacting this person and move on? or should I just text him back again ? But what should I say I were to text him?

[lukeb]

But what should I say I were to text him?

 

That is a good question. I would say you are probably not compatible as boyfriends. Some believe it is OK to have no string fun with others while as you say you are still seeing each other. Your concept of seeing someone is probably also different from his concept of seeing each other. Initially clearly he thought that the two of you had potential, but it seems that he doesn't think as far ahead as you do. He kind of takes the we'll see how this develops kind of view, it seems you're the type of fellow who imagines a white picket fence and having his babies, and feel betrayed when you hear he is actually "cheating" on you.

 

As far as he was concerned he hadn't invested as much emotionally into you so it is not going to take that much to say we're probably not right for one another. I tend to think he is probably right.

[Boink]

Thanks for replying.

 

Yes, he said that he don't find me physically attractive and don't feel like having sex with me any more. And I do agree that our concept of seeing each other is different.I didn't feel betrayed too much because really we are not in a relationship yet, so I'm not so concern about the "cheating" part as it doesn't apply to this situation.

 

I'm just thinking, should I remain as friend with him and see how things develop. However, at the same time, I'm afraid I'll face any disappointment again because I know I like him a lot.

[lukeb]

There are a lot of gay friendships around where one has feelings for another and they somehow manage. It really is difficult to say one way or another. There are a lot of issues that could come up like for example what if you are friends and he finds someone, are you prepared for that? What is your agenda exactly? If the reason why you would want to keep in touch is you are hoping that it would develop into something more then I would say probably best to move on since he has said that he is not interested and you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

[Boink]

Really appreciate your response to this. I'm still in dilemma

[indigoblue]

You can still keep him as a friend, but I would not count on something developing into a relationship or an exclusive thing with him. You should start seeing other men especially ones who are willing to give you the time.

[Boink]

You can still keep him as a friend, but I would not count on something developing into a relationship or an exclusive thing with him. You should start seeing other men especially ones who are willing to give you the time.

 

Thank you for replying. We are not talking any more and it seems like it's really difficult to text him again and say hey we are still friends. It looks like a simple situation but I just can't get over it