DaniArizona Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 I'm sorry I know I keep posting....I just have a lot going through my head....I'm not sure if anyone on here can relate....boy meets girl ten years younger while in her town on vacation, boy turns out to be married but lied about it, boy makes girl fall in love with him, boy moved back down to girl's town after leaving wife and kids, girl finds out boy is is married but is too in love and tries to ignore fact. I found out he lied to me about his married status (he told me he was legally separated....they weren't even talking about a separation....they were still in every context of the word: MARRIED) immediately after he had literally left his wife and kids in a whole nother state to come live with me. But by than I was sooo much in love....These past few days I've been a complete emotional wreck, but today I've actually been trying to take sometime to do a bit of soul searching and I realized what an egomaniac I've been....I figured that if he left his wife of 16 years, the mother of his three beautiful children, than I MUST be special and amazing, right? There is something about me that he could not resist because in his eyes I was perfect.... Gah! How could I have been so stupid? Yes, I know he cared for me and I know he loved me to some point, otherwise we would not have been together for a year...but as far as being special? WHY did I not think this whole time, "he left his wife of 16 years for me, what would keep him from leaving his girlfriend of a year for someone else?" In his defense though, that someone else were his kids.... Anyway...point of story....at this point I'm not sure if I'm more depressed over missing him...or if it's because my ego has been shattered in a million pieces? Link to comment
chitown9 Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Just be glad that you did not marry him.... Link to comment
DaniArizona Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 Just be glad that you did not marry him.... We actually did get engaged for a few months until I realized what a mistake it was to be engaged to someone still married (yes, he never filed for a divorce). Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 You cannot move forward with someone who has deceived you so! If there is no trust, there is no relationship! Honestly, he sounds like a real douche bag! If he could do this to his wife and family, he will certainly do it to you. This man has NO character. one is never to much in love to leave, this man has lied and disrespected you; it's time to get your dignity back. Also, what do your friends and family think about this? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 We actually did get engaged for a few months until I realized what a mistake it was to be engaged to someone still married (yes, he never filed for a divorce). You were engaged while he was still married???????? Link to comment
trish1988 Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 OMG!!!that guy is SICK!!!!good thing it was not that late when you realized He wasn't meant for you!!It started as a mistake and you cannot fix it with another mistake!!! just deal properly with the separation anxiety,get busy,play and party...^^ Link to comment
DaniArizona Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 You were engaged while he was still married???????? That's another story in itself...my mom had just passed away and I was feeling an urgency to get married and have kids and all that crap. Got over that one pretty fast though. here's the original thread: Link to comment
DaniArizona Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 Honestly, he sounds like a real douche bag! If he could do this to his wife and family, he will certainly do it to you. This man has NO character. one is never to much in love to leave, this man has lied and disrespected you; it's time to get your dignity back. Also, what do your friends and family think about this? My family and CLOSE friends liked him except for the fact that he was married....he was very charming though and almost able to make it seem like that was just a minor inconvenience. Link to comment
Gracelove Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Hey There DaniArizona! I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I'm sure it's all really painful for you. I think it's good that he left. I know it probably doesn't feel that way to you right now, but you'll see in time that it was for the best. He lied to you from the beginning, so he probably isn't someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. Trust is so important in relationships. Right now you probably feel completely used, and sad for being foolish, but things will be okay. It's natural to be sad over something like this, and it will take time to get over. You had a relationship with him, so you probably shared most of your life with him during that year, and I'm sure you became completely attached. When that connection is suddenly severed it is really painful. I think it's good that you're expressing your feelings in this forum. It will help you in your healing process. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Honey, you truly dodged a bullet. You should thank your lucky stars and celebrate. Link to comment
DaniArizona Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 Thank you...and I may be expressing them a little too much in this forum...lol...I just have soo much to get out...I mean, mostly the same crap...but I just feel like I need to keep talking about it and I feel like I'm over-burdening my friends with it... I was very attached to him...I shared my life with him...I had no other life to worry about like he did...just the one I shared with him. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 This is a mess on so many levels: Married Moving in after knowing you for a few weeks Alcoholism Dependent on others for money i feel very sorry for the children of this man. What an example! I hope the wife has the sense to leave, as this guy is a boatload of drama and pain. He should not have lied to you, but you should have bailed after he told you. This relationship never had a chance! Please get some counseling to understand this 'relationship' and deal with the loss of your mother. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 My family and CLOSE friends liked him except for the fact that he was married....he was very charming though and almost able to make it seem like that was just a minor inconvenience. This is disturbing. Link to comment
DaniArizona Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 Please get some counseling to understand this 'relationship' and deal with the loss of your mother. I know I need to but I don't have insurance At best I bought St. John's Wort yesterday in hopes that may help. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 There should be some free bereavement groups in your area-unless you are in Tucson. I don't know what your mother died of, but I know that some orgs. that focus on cancer have some options. I lost my brother last year-parents live in Tucson-and there were few options for group counseling. Go online, you may find some free support groups. Link to comment
DaniArizona Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 I'm an hour away from Tucson...my grandmother goes to a bereavement group every week I guess I just never thought about going with her. I don't know if that would help though...I think I'd benefit more from a one on one session than in a group session...but I guess it wouldn't hurt to try. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 I did it. It is good to be with others who understand. I would also check out CODA. You sound like you are co-dependent, and they have free groups all over the world. Link to comment
DaniArizona Posted October 8, 2011 Author Share Posted October 8, 2011 Today was a pretty good day....I was able to feel more anger towards him than depression towards him being gone...I think that's a step in the right direction.... At least I took him down a few notches on the pedastool I had (have?) him on. Link to comment
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