Why do women go out with men who have girlfriends/wives?

[Allyo]

I don't understand why so many women go out with men knowing that those men are taken and have a girlfriend or wife.

 

I once went out with a man who had a long distance girlfriend, but he told me that he was in the "process" of breaking up with her. Nevertheless I was young, and I feel like I have learned my lesson. I would now never go out with a taken man, no matter what he told me about his girlfriend. It has nothing to do with the man, but it is out of respect for the other woman.

 

The most recent case is with a good girl friend of mine. She has quite high moral standards, or at least preaches them, and has always been so critical of men who go out with a ton of women or only look for superficial relationships. But now, all of a sudden, that she has found a guy (with a long distance girlfriend) that she really likes she has no problem sleeping with him every weekend. She is a friend so I find it really hard to be critical of her, but it just completely amazes me! Apart from that, she keeps looking for reasons or evidence that this guy is about to break up with his girlfriend...

 

Maybe this is more of a rant, but this behavior really depresses me. I feel like relationships have become so superficial... Everyone only thinks about their own best interests...

 

Us women should protect and support each other.

 

What do you guys (and girls) think?

[LDRohnos]

In a word? Loneliness.

[Stay_home]

In another word? Desperation.

[hurtinhouston]

not loneliness. Its the same reason that head hunters for a corporate go after execs from another company rather than some entry level kid out of college. They know that that guy already can be in a relationship. And they see themselves being a better gf to them than his current love.

And some women (just like some men) are just jerks who want to see if they can make someone betray their significant other as sort of a notch on their belt.

Then there's always the case of falling for the wrong person and it just sucks but usually those people are respectful enough to honor the persons status as taken.

[HeartGoesOn]

They're living in the moment, and refusing to see the long term consequences. While wearing those rose colored glasses, they fail to see that there is no prize to be had.

[Generation]

Maybe they both just want a discreet relationship, free of labels, and get their sexual needs met. They enjoy each other's company too.

[Allyo]

In a word? Loneliness.

 

Well, this is a really practical answer. Although I would say that loneliness has nothing to do with being alone but rather how you feel about yourself.

[Allyo]

Maybe they both just want a discreet relationship, free of labels, and get their sexual needs met. They enjoy each other's company too.

 

I'm all for this if both parties agree, but I feel like in the many cases the "other woman" has no idea what is going on. That seems dishonest to me.

[LDRohnos]

All of these (outside of the one where someone is just doing it for kicks (which is usually not the case)) mostly has to do with self-esteem problems such as loneliness or desperation. They see the immediate cure for their problem and disregard the consequences of them...like Heartgoeson said.

 

 

Basically you are correct. It comes down to selfishness.

[sadchick83]

I am not a fan of married/taken men, but I have seen married guys come on to women VERY aggressively.

[CMS]

Its mostly about the challenge, a man's perceived value raises when other girls find them attractive. Being taken or married also raises the challenge level of that man therefore a lot of women go for them for the thrill and adventure of stealing another girl's partner to show they are better.

 

Also the mentality that if someone finds him good enough to date him or marry him, then he must be alright, and I want some of that too also applicable

[Allyo]

I am not a fan of married/taken men, but I have seen married guys come on to women VERY aggressively.

 

This is a really good point! I sort of blamed the women here... but yeah, men who do this certainly are at fault too.

[FathomFear]

Well, I'm not sure this is a great mystery per se. Hot people are still hot regardless of their relationship status, and some people enjoy casual sex/flings or believe the other person will leave the relationship and flock to them instead. I'm sure that's what goes on the majority of the time.

[sadchick83]

Im not so sure I would blame the woman. I had a married guy hit on me very aggressively. I'm not married, nor am I interested in married men. But, I have seen these guys go nuts for women--especially in the work place. Sometime the guy is hot, an executive, and the girl is single and minding her own business. The guy makes all the moves--hooks up hotel rooms (yes on the company credit card), sends sexy emails, pulls through with promotions etc. It might be hard to say no in a recession and if the girl hasn't had much action lately.

 

It's not right, but only the guy is cheating.

[oldenoughtoknow]

My armchair diagnosis: the guy's a jerk and your friend has major commitment issues she needs to explore.

[king6]

The only person at fault in this is your friend because shes the one hurting her self.

 

Even if they broke up, and she and him got together.. He'd do it to her also. He has no respect for either of the women.

 

You cant blame the other parties because none of them are Forcing her to do anything.

[Ms Darcy]

I agree with you Ally. And Loneliness, although a likely answer, is a pretty sad excuse. It means there is something missing in them.

[rustyskyline]

Well, I'm not sure this is a great mystery per se. Hot people are still hot regardless of their relationship status, and some people enjoy casual sex/flings or believe the other person will leave the relationship and flock to them instead. I'm sure that's what goes on the majority of the time.

 

Agreed, it's not a mystery at all. We live to consume and when an opportunity presents itself and the offer seems better than the one we've got, we pursue.

 

Besides it's not always known. In the example the OP gave, she knew he was seeing someone else but most of the time when you meet someone you just don't know if they are or not. One thing you do know though, "I'd be way better for him/her, we're perfect for each other."

 

I do think the headline needs to be adjusted though. The is not something that is only done by men or women but rather people in general.

[Blue Spiral]

1. Women can be just as horny as men.

 

2. Human beings are innately selfish.

 

3. Moreso than men, women care about social cache and group approval. Taken guy = pre-approved by another woman and clearly capable of a serious relationship. (Except for the whole cheating part.) He's already got the house, the job, the lifestyle, and all the other things the woman wants, it's just a matter of dealing with her rival. I know women that would rather deal with that than deal with a guy who doesn't have his life together yet.

 

4. Human beings are extremely good at rationalizing. There really are situations where someone is technically still in the relationship, but the relationship is over, and both parties are acting as if it's over. So it's easy to project that scenario onto a situation where we want someone else's relationship to be over, so we can have them for ourselves. My ex-girlfriend basically left me for a guy that was still married, and they were engaged for about a year until he finally got his then-wife to sign divorce papers. They've been married for almost ten years. Things like this are common; the line between committed and not committed can be pretty fuzzy in certain situations, and it's easy for us to read into it and see what we want.