Significance of the Behaviour of your Ex & Questions

[PseudoAxiom]

Greetings to all who read this,

 

It now has been a month since my ex and I have broken-up. I for one, did not want this, and she felt it was a necessary measure to allow herself time to find herself, deal with clinical depression, and try to determine what makes her happy in life. At first, conversation was maintained to a minimum and even non-existent. As time passed-by, more and more we began speaking to each other, which sometimes ends well and other times it ends with her crying.

 

Recently, in the past week or so, she admits to constantly thinking about me, dreaming about me, and admits to being fond of when I contact her to see how she's doing. It seems there is difficulty not only on my end in allowing the relationship to end, but on her's as well.

 

During conversations held within the past few days, she's referred to herself as a fool, and seems to be finding it increasingly difficult to go on without me, and that she is questioning whether she has made the right decision or not. Now this is a my interpretation of our dialogue, as she has not directly said so, which means I could be seeing things in this manner to delude myself and to maintain a false sense of hope, but there seems to be clear evidence of this.

 

Could anyone comment from similar experience on;

1) Communication is increasing with the ex as time progresses since the break-up?

2) An ex-partner having constant thoughts, dreams about you?

3) An ex-partner referring to herself/himself as a fool, and appearing as having doubts about her/his decision to end the relationship?

4) An ex-partner not wanting you to come over yet to empty the apartment of your personal belongings? (And no its not because she wants to keep the Xbox)

5) Any other pertinent information that would be relevant from experience with a similar experience.

 

 

Your comments are much appreciated, and often useful for assessing situations and basically making the next move. Which is crucial at the moment because I am constantly going back and fourth between the idea of hope and waiting for her to think things through or getting my stuff from the apartment and telling her its now over, and there will be no more communication between us.

 

Thanks

[Mr Man]

Hi there,

 

Well, I can't comment with regards to experiencing my former partner behaving in that way, but I'll still attempt to give you some food for thought.

 

Remember some (most?) people behave really stupidly when it comes to break ups, whether they are the initiator or not.

 

Most importantly, she broke up with you. When someone breaks up with someone else, it means they don't want to be in a deep relationship with that person anymore. When in a 'stable' and 'healthy' relationship, people don't usually make such a decision at a whim; a lot of thought has gone into it. Having said that, as I said, some (most?) people are stupid and, in particular, don't prepare for or properly consider the more subtle consequences of their actions. Mixed signals can occur for different reasons - from trying to let someone down gently (which it doesn't), to alleviating their guilt, or due to genuine confusion.

 

It is also important that you don't just see what you want to see. What you have said could be hopeful if you want her back, but don't blind yourself to other signs. Actions speak louder than words, don't ignore the elephant in the room - she broke up with you.

 

If I were you and if I wanted her back: I'd talk to her and be prepared for it to be the last interaction I ever have with her. I'd explain that I care for her, but that I need to move on because being in touch is not healthy for either of us. I'd be honest and say that I'd like to work through this with her, but if she is unable to that I need to walk away, and walk away forever.

 

If she is unable to do this (which will probably be the case), leave it on a positive note and tell her how much she means to you. Kindly articulate why you cannot contact her ever again and allow her to compassionately understand why you will not respond if she ever reaches out again.

 

Best wishes.