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How do you tell someone what you want out of a relationship without being harsh


pennyloafer2

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Or demanding?

 

Im trying to express what I want: a more loving relationship, i want to feel special, i want things to be more romantic

 

I don't know how to start this conversation. I want to express that I want these things without sounding angry or needy. Maybe someone can help me phrase it better?

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Penny speak from your heart, breaking up is not easy. Say all the things you want to say.

 

But the trick is, not to initiate this important conversation, without being very clear to yourself, that no matter what happens you will follow through with your words.

 

You only want to have this conversation once - so make it count.

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Here's a quick list that might help you:

 

 

1 - Put everything you want to say out on paper.

2 - Sleep on it.

3 - Edit/Add what you already wrote.

4 - Sleep on it.

5 - Find a relaxed time in his day and sit him down and just go through what you wrote very calmly and assertively. Finish *everything* you want to say at once. Do not let him jump in and if he does tell him that you need to finish.

6 - When done be prepared to answer questions. Do not get emotional. Answer the questions as honestly as you can.

 

Good luck!

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I don't necessarily want out. If I was happy and things would be better I'd stay. This is why I think I owe him to tell him what I want ahead of time. Thank you LDRohnos, I will follow your structured method (maybe add a couple more "sleep on it")

 

I'm trying to be the best girlfriend I can be right now and say things right and not argue. Ultimately if things are still not good (In a few weeks after I explain what I want) I will do what I need to do and what people have been telling me to do on this forum for ages. (Thanks by the way, sorry for not listening) But all things happen in their own time.

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I will throw this out there. Not all guys are like but a lot are, including myself. If a girl lets you walk all over her and doesn't stand up to her mate then the guy will do just that. Whats even more of an issue is its boring being with someone who doesn't tell you how wrong you are sometimes. I already have a mom who loves me unconditionally, I want a partner who challenges me to be the best person I can be. But that's just my insane analysis.

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I will throw this out there. Not all guys are like but a lot are, including myself. If a girl lets you walk all over her and doesn't stand up to her mate then the guy will do just that. Whats even more of an issue is its boring being with someone who doesn't tell you how wrong you are sometimes. I already have a mom who loves me unconditionally, I want a partner who challenges me to be the best person I can be. But that's just my insane analysis.
Thanks for the insight. I think he is a guy that wants a strong woman, but he also gets defensive and can be very protective of his ego. I have to walk a fine line to not seem weak without seeming like I want to walk all over him.
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Or demanding?

 

Im trying to express what I want: a more loving relationship, i want to feel special, i want things to be more romantic

 

In the shoes of someone hearing this, I'd want to know specifically what these things mean to you and what, exactly, you'd expect of me. These are abstractions that can be interpreted in different ways by different people. What would you want me to do, specifically?

 

If the answer is that I'm supposed to intuitively know what you want, then I'd be pretty resentful about that--especially the part where you're putting me in charge of how you feel.

 

I'd ask for behaviors that would help me feel more satisfied, and I'd offer up some behaviors he would like from me in exchange. Negotiation is a two way street.

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