Thinking about breaking NC - thoughts?

[In The Cold]

I know! DON'T DO IT! right? I struggle with this one because we were in an LDR (4 hours away) and she became depressed at the time of breakup.

 

original thread here &

 

timeline:

Late July - Plans were for me to move back, move-in, and get engaged asap

 

Aug 10 - depression (/last face to face meeting)...though I feel depression may have been caused by LDR

 

Aug 21 - BU

 

Sept - 12 till present ...NC

 

On Sept 12th, I asked if we could see each other at Thanksgiving (this weekend), she said "We'll see". Up until no contact she was always receptive to my txts (she initiated), calls (2), emails (2).

 

 

So my question is: Wisdom on this forum would be to absolutely stick to NC no matter what. My problem being is that I will not be there again until x-mas, and then April after-wards.

 

Since it was an LDR, I seem to think it will be a case of "out-of-sight, out-of-mind" which will make it easy for her to move on. I want her to be able to see me face to face (I have taken advice here on self improvement, lost 35lbs since BU), show her that I am confident, and create a positive last mental image of me (she did the BU over the phone, she couldn't travel at the time etc.).

 

So what should I do? send her a txt on Sat. asking if she wants to grab a coffee?

[chitown9]

Well, I read the previous thread that you posted. She said she loves her ex more than you. I would take my cue from that remark...

[Mr Man]

NO NO NO NO NOOOOO! DON'T DO IT! You sound like you're trying to use the whole no contact thing to get her back - BIG MISTAKE. It's so flippin frustrating hearing about someone's gf/bf breaking up with them and they want them back! Seriously, I know everyone is different but people need to start being more intelligent about this.

 

* She doesn't want you. FULL STOP. No ifs, no buts - if she/he wanted you, they wouldn't have broken up with you. Simple. It hurts. Accept it.

 

Dig deep and work out WHY you don't want to be with him/her either. Rationalise. Don't try to convince yourself of lies like you don't love him/ her, that's stupid and you're only fooling yourself. Accept you love and miss her/him but RATIONALISE why not being together is the best thing for YOU- reach a point where you KNOW even if she/he were to come back BEGGING and PLEADING for you to go back to her, you won't. There's your closure. Never interact with her/him ever again. Walk off into the night.

[In The Cold]

Chi - thanks so much for reading my first thread (I know its a little long haha). My fundamental problem is the fact the she said / did what she did whilst being 10 days into a depression (that she started taking meds for). I really think the whole "ex" thing was a line to push me away so she could deal with her depression, the story just doesnt check out - I mean she hated this guy, along with her entire family and freinds.

 

Mr Man - that is probably just what I needed to hear. Don't get me wrong, NC is for me! I don't think a reconciliation is feasible. I do think that for my own sanity, a face-to-face would allow me to understand her reasons / gauge how she feels (which was not clear at the time of BU and were muddled by a depressed person's emotions).

[mhowe]

Doesn't matter. "We'll see" means -- maybe, unless I get a better offer.

 

Let go. Seeing her will do absolutely nothing to make you feel better; you will feel worse. Nothing she can say will make you understand --- what if she says "I don't know ---- it's just how I feel."

 

Leave it be.

[digdug]

Hey! Long time, no talk to.

 

I say stick to working on yourself. It sounds like you are making progress on finding you, and getting in tune with who YOU are. Don't go through these changes for her, or anyone else, but yourself. You deserve to make yourself better and someone will notice. Write this one off, and grow from it. Allow yourself to mourn, then heal ... then pull up your bootstraps and get on with it. If she's sent you signals, even TOLD you that there isn't a future, it's time to move on. This time you have spent pondering what could be should be used constructively to build upon the very foundation you have built over this time. Looking for "what-ifs" is not healthy for healing, and will give you a false sense of hope. It allows you to rationalize what COULD be, but you forget there is another heart in this. No amount of changing, or self preservation is going to make her want you. You need to want yourself. That confidence will show for that next person that comes along, this I promise. So, instead of looking back, keep your eye on the prize .. with that being the new you. You can't miss on this one AND you have all the control.

[In The Cold]

You guys are awesome! ALRIGHT NO CONTACT! sticking to the guns baby!

 

Thanks Mhowe - very true, she will totally say something like "thats just how I feel"..then what have I accomplished except for feeding her ego?

 

DigDug - my man! always there to help me out - really appreciate it! I actually started to feel really good just thinking about sticking to NC. Why the heck should I be wanting to reach out?

 

Thanks everyone =)

[Little lady]

Awesome, no contact is really the best revenge!

 

 

WRITE HER A NOTE SO IT GETS OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM AND THEN BURN THE PIECE OF PAPER AND PISS OUT THE FIRE.

[DaniArizona]

Dig deep and work out WHY you don't want to be with him/her either. Rationalise. Don't try to convince yourself of lies like you don't love him/ her, that's stupid and you're only fooling yourself. Accept you love and miss her/him but RATIONALISE why not being together is the best thing for YOU- reach a point where you KNOW even if she/he were to come back BEGGING and PLEADING for you to go back to her, you won't. There's your closure. Never interact with her/him ever again. Walk off into the night.

 

You're extremely right....but even if you KNOW why they AREN'T good for you too, it's so hard not to miss the few reasons why they ARE.