Expectations VS Reality

[makayla]

Hey everyone. I don't know if this is the right place to post this but I guess it's semi-related.

I am in Mexico on exchange and have been planning for it for one year, expecting everything to be really fun.. I guess I have expected too much.

I just feel a bit discontented because:

 

1) I was in love with my best friend (who's also on exchange with me)who doesn't feel the same, and that was a major blow because we made out and I got so attached. But I walked away to get my head straight and to get over him. I really miss his friendship but the distance really did me good. Now we're sort of becoming closer again though I'm not sure if it's a good idea.

 

2) I guess lots of people have been telling me that there will be lots of guys hitting on me in Mexico, whether that idea come from the fact that I'm Asian, I don't know. But it just haven't been like what I expected, I have been here for 2 and half months and yes, I hooked up with one guy, and two or three guys have asked me out but it's nothing like I expected. The encounters were utterly random and I don't really have other male friends at uni.

 

3) I expected to have lots of friends but I've only got like two, three friends and even they are not getting along with each other so I don't really have a group anymore.

 

4) Just haven't been making enough mexican friends and my Spanish hasn't really improved.

 

I know that the common suggestion would be to go out more, the relax and meet more friends.. but my question is, how can I not be so affected with my expectations? I expected everything to be crazy, travelling, parties etc etc.. but turns out that I'm usually alone doing my own stuff and on weekends sometimes I go and have a good time but I guess it was nothing like I expected. And small things get me down like especially with guys. A couple of weeks ago I was thinking 'whatever! I don't wnat a boyfriend and I like to be single and flirt to whoever', but right now I feel like there's no one to flirt with even when I go out.. And I suddenly want a boyfriend and start having a relationship

 

For this I feel discontented.. and I can't believe it because I'm finally in Mexico.

[Celadon]

That sounds really disappointing, makayla. I tend to have too-high expectations as well, and for you, with going to another country and culture, there's probably added disappointment because things don't happen there like they do back home. Meaning, people respond differently and all the ways that maybe you learned to interact socially aren't working like you thought they would. Maybe -- I'm just supposing based on my own experience abroad.

 

Anyway, what you want is to make things happen. What you're going through is that things AREN'T happening. So ... you have to put aside your disappointment and make a plan. What are some of the fun places that you haven't been to? Are there places that other people know about that maybe you don't? Who would know where the hot spots are?

 

It takes awhile to make friends, especially in different cultures. I would keep trying to meet people. Make plans to go do something with someone new for an afternoon and see if you hit it off or not. Be bold.

 

Also, there's nothing wrong with being by yourself part of the time. What kinds of activities could you do, even without friends to do it with? What do you want to try? What do you love -- sightseeing, hiking, water sports, learning how to make a craft, or learning how to cook real Mexican food? There are some memories you'll cherish the rest of your life if you go do something you love, or might love. And who knows who you'll meet when you're out doing your thing?

 

Eh, those are my random thoughts. Hope some of it helps...