lanaa Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I have been in NC for almost 7 weeks now.No contact from him.We ended it in a bad way and he deleted me off facebook.Right now he has a girlfriend. I want only our friendship back(later on maybe more) So should I contact him? what could i say? im still thinking maybe he is still angry or maybe he will think im desperate but ididnt contact him in all theese weeks Link to comment
Wutdo Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 No~ You're still thinking of having something later on. You've obviously not moved on. I'd say it'll still be hard for you to talk to him knowing his new situation, etc. Do you really want to put yourself through that? I'm weak. 7 weeks seems too much. So I'm already contemplating breaking NC again in a week-ish, as I've now accepted the situation and some things that led to it. These forums seem to be a gold mine for different perspectives. Makes you realize a few things after soaking it in for a day and seeing responses to different situations that actually may mirror some aspects of your relationship. Quite frankly it's up to you. You both are probably thinking different things at the moment. Especially if he is dating someone else. When i didn't contact my ex for 2 weeks, she thought it was because I moved on, not because I was actually hoping she cared enough to talk to me and waiting patiently for that. People handle NC differently, and different relationships are affected by it differently. It seems like you aren't in the right mind for it I'd say. But the heart wants what it wants. Link to comment
wiseoldwoman Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 No, do not contact him. He's moved on and you need to do the same. Making contact with him will only extend and increase the pain. Wallow through the pain you're dealing with now, rather than having the pain of the last 7 weeks be for nothing. Link to comment
symbiot Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Don't worry. He won't forget you. I don't know your story but I don't think you should reach out to him. Wunds need time to heal and so do you. I think you are tricking yourself by saying you just want to be friends right now. Link to comment
endy Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 You need to read a bit on this forum IMO. You are very opinionated on what you should do or think you should do. We all are trying to help other people. Although it's ok you are young... I can see that you have a lot to learn. That is not a bad thing, it's what we are put here for to a point. You're 22 years old. Go out and have fun. You shouldn't worry right now about this guy and who he's with. You should just be out enjoying your life and working towards your goals. I know at that age I was just like you so you're probably going to do what you "feel" is best for you anyways... I know I did. Why would you want to be with someone or break NC for someone that left you for someone else? There's a lot to understand about what happens at a breakup to us physically, and mentally. You actually go through withdrawal. It takes awhile to heal and move on. How long was the relationship? What was the reason that it ended, and the issues in it? What you need right now is to work on those, and where you were wrong. I'm going to put this simple. When we get dumped or a breakup occurs... Mutual trust is broken, there's a lot of other damage done. Now add that to the fact that he jumped to someone else. More damage. So what you would be going back to is a relationship that didn't work the first time, and then all that damage that will resurface unless you heal. Ideally if you would want to reconcile you would want to heal and change. Work on the things that didn't work, and hopefully he would do the same. That takes a significant amount of time. Link to comment
lanaa Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 I really do miss him as a friend because we were friends for far longer time than couple.So its not possible to become friends again? Link to comment
Allipie Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I really do miss him as a friend because we were friends for far longer time than couple.So its not possible to become friends again? maybe some time down the line but not right now...especially since he has a girlfriend. Link to comment
Lithp Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 You shouldn't contact him right now. Perhaps one day when you're both at a point where you can handle seeing each other moving on with your lives - but he has a girlfriend and you're holding out hope that someday you can be together again. Now isn't a good time to try and get him back in your life. Stay No Contact and when you've moved on and you can honestly say you don't want anything more with him, then check in and see how he's doing. Link to comment
SorrowandPain Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Stay No Contact and when you've moved on and you can honestly say you don't want anything more with him, then check in and see how he's doing. What's the point of checking in then when you want nothing to do with the ex? It's kind of a catch-22. Link to comment
lanaa Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 Right now im not sure what i want.I guess I need some kind of closure.We are not friends,we ended in a bad way.The last thing we said to eachother were very bad things,,stuff that hurt.Its more his fault than mine and he should be the one to apoligize ,but he hasnt done it.And im stuck in this,thinknig what went wrong anf why did he say what he said Link to comment
endy Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Right now im not sure what i want.I guess I need some kind of closure.We are not friends,we ended in a bad way.The last thing we said to eachother were very bad things,,stuff that hurt.Its more his fault than mine and he should be the one to apoligize ,but he hasnt done it.And im stuck in this,thinknig what went wrong anf why did he say what he said Friends with ex's don't usually work. You can say you're friends, but its less than a true friendship. If you don't know what you want, then it's not time to break NC. Uncertainty is a sign that you shouldn't break NC. Right now honestly deep down inside you are probably using this as an excuse to break NC. I've seen all of them. It's ok to appologize to anyone if you are truly sorry for things. Also, I understand you're hurt. I understand you think that it's more his fault than yours. That's a problem right there. Don't worry about his actions. Worry about yours and learn from them so you can do better with the next relationship. A reaction to hurt or pain and suffering to cause the other person to suffer only creates more suffering and anger. People think it will make you feel better, but all it really does is create more pain and anger. It builds and builds. When you love someone you want to end that pain and suffering, not create more Link to comment
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