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Coming on too strong?


ducklingpond

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I went on a 3rd date with this guy from college. He is nice, good looking and genuine. But at the end of 3rd date I felt he was coming on too strong. For example he indicated that we should see each other once again at the end of our dinner. And he called me very next day, which I didn't answer as I was not too sure. He also sent me text couple of days later to suggest we should go out. I haven't responded him yet. Its been 5 days since last contact. And he hasn't contacted me after that.

 

On previous dates there was gentle touching and brushing of hands, which I found okay. He didn't talk about sex and was not getting too physical on dates, which I found nice. And our dates were great, we had lot of talk and he knows how to take conversation forward.

 

I feel he is coming little strongly. He initiated all the contacts for previous dates and our phone/text/email conversations too. I like him but still not sure about relationship as I'd like to spend more time with this guy and then decide. Part of me says give him another chance and part of me is still ambivalent. What if he wants me to become exclusive with him on next date? Shall I respond to his text?

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I really don't understand how he's coming on too strong? You said that he didn't talk about sex and wasn't getting physical on dates - which you liked. You said your dates went great and you two had a lot to talk about. Do you just think he came on too strong because he called you the next day? I personally think it just sounds like he likes you, and he's trying to move things along.. I don't see a problem with that.

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What if he wants me to become exclusive with him on next date? Shall I respond to his text?

 

From what you've said you either don't want to be exclusive with him or you just don't know yet. Just make it very clear to him (if he keeps coming on strong) that you like him but just want to date right now and aren't ready for an exclusive relationship yet.

 

I think you're handling it just fine...just set the pace of the relationship the way you want it to be for now. If you only want to see him once a week, then only see him once a week!

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There's nothing wrong with wanting to take things slowly... But give the guy a chance and give him a clue what you want and where you are at with things!

 

If he hadn't tried to plan a 4th date, phoned or text after you're 3rd date, would you be wondering if he had changed his mind about dating you? I know I would.

 

He isn't psychic, give him a fighting chance and talk to him

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Just wanted to add... You've had no contact with him for 5 days after you ignored his question about going on a 4th date...?

 

If he is as nice, good looking and genuine as you say, I would be worried that he has taken a hint that you aren't really interested and has decided to leave you alone and move on.

 

If thats what you want, then great...

Otherwise, well I would say the ball is well and truly in your court now

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I feel he is coming little strongly. He initiated all the contacts for previous dates and our phone/text/email conversations too. I like him but still not sure about relationship as I'd like to spend more time with this guy and then decide.

 

You have contradicted yourself. You say he's coming on too strong, but yet you want to spend time with him to get to know him. Please explain how you expect this guy to be acting towards you.

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If it was me I wouldn't think he was coming on too strong, I would just think he was quite interested, but your boundaries are up to you.. I know it's hard to decide but it's been 5 days. If you have to think about it that much then maybe you're not that into him, and shouldn't go on the date.. but you could give him one more try, it won't HURT, just don't lead him to believe there's going to be more than there is if you're not sure. I don't think that's too much of a problem since you guys haven't got physical..

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I don't think he is. If I like a guy and he acted like he did I will love it and answer his call! you didn't answer him? why? that was rude. Is not like he call you the same night. Calling the next day is normal if someone is interested. Maybe is because you don't really want to see him again and have no interest so u might as well tell him that before you lead him to believe that he has a chance. He might be nice and all you say but because of how your acting is shows that you are not attracted.

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Hi duckling,

 

Oh dear,

 

Sound like you're getting a few desperate vibes which has cooled your ardour, somewhat. Too be honest, I wouldn't respond until I was ready and if that day never comes, so be it. No need for quick decisions. Stop looking at the clock.

 

It's funny that two guys can do almost the same thing and one will seem gallant and romantic and the other, desperate and cloying.

 

No need to be rail-roaded into going faster than you feel comfortable with. If you need to take dating break, then tell him you are caught up with something over the next few days. I would give him some sort of reply, even a vague one. No-one likes to be ignored.

 

Then give yourself a chance to catch your breath and see how you feel. There are no points for getting to the "exclusive" point in an all fired rush. You don't want to feel coerced.

 

Slow the pace down, step away sligtly and see how you feel. Maybe you will want to move forward. Maybe you won't. You won't know until you are no longer under pressure.

 

 

Deci

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If you think he is coming on too strong, you should really communicate with him about it, don't put it off if you really do like him. I personally do not think hes coming on too strong, like some of the others have said, he seems like he does like you. But dang give the guy a chance, if he calls you the next day or wants to see you again doesn't mean hes coming on strongly, give him a chance to see where it goes. If he respects you, he will respect that you don't want to move along too fast. I don't really understand how you expect him to act? If I were him and you didn't contact me back within 5 days, I would have ruled out that you were not interested and moved on.

Sounds like you're not interested in him?

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