I'm trying to move on, She's trying to come back... Some Help Please!!!

[MrFrustration]

Ok, I could write a novel about this but I'm going to give the short version. I was with a girl for 4 years, took care of her and her son... house, finances, vacation, necessities, etc. Due to certain differences and habits I wasn't sure I would be able to live with for the rest of my life and needed some more time to figure out when she literally abused me to get married I declined, she told me a whole bunch of things about myself (none of which I can believe to be true till this day... they weren't very nice), I moved out, she took the house for an additional 6 months, we have been out of what was "Our house" for 3 months now with very little conversation and have not seen each other for about 4.5 months.

 

Sidenote: We broke up after throwing me the Ultimatum "Marry me or I'm leaving", I helped her pack. She moved back in with her ex husband... whom she was never legally divorced from, claiming it was the best thing for the kid. Just 1 of the reasons I wouldn't marry her. (Look for a ring when you're not still married, just a tip for the ladies there.)

 

I met someone completely by chance a few days after I moved out. Took it slower then a turtle but whaddaya know, She's growing on me, and pretty fast too. Exudes all the things that my ex didn't. We've been dating she makes me very happy but ummm WHY THE F*&K AM I STILL THINKING ABOUT MY EX?!?!?!

 

Then to make it even better my ex calls the other day and would like to get together because she's no longer mad at me for "Ruining her life" and realizes that the life she had while with me isn't her life anymore. SMH... I coulda told her that. Frankly I know she did me wrong, I know the breakup wasn't my fault, I know she hasn't been baking cookies and playing parcheezy while living with her ex...

 

I'm trying to move on but I can't ignore the ex, I can't commit to the current, and I think my head just spun a complete 360 on my shoulders!!! Some help please!!!

 

Mr Frustration

[LDRohnos]

You have no responsibilities to either of these women...yes?

 

Maybe you should take a bit of a dating vacation (it seems you're just hopping from one relationship to the next) and chill for awhile. If you don't want to do that then just keep the current relationship really on the back burner as long as she's okay with that. You need some time to recharge, imo. Dating is tough, thats usually why you don't go from one relationship to another...it's too much drama/emotion to deal with and you're just going to burn out...which is seems you are doing.

[MrFrustration]

Nope, No responsibility to either woman. One is living with her Ex (Still makes me SMH) and the other is just an amazingly understanding chick who seems to be everything I asked for at the wrong time, LOL.

[Eocsor]

Well you've rebounded with the current. Which is why you should always take some significant time after a breakup to be on your own. But the horse it out of the barn now so theres no going back. Take some time off from dating period. You aren't ready yet and need to sort yourself out before you can commit to another relationship. Just understand that you dated the new girl so you wouldn't have to deal with the ex leaving you. Next time don't start dating until you can absolutely say you wouldn't consider going back with the ex if she called.

[mem4625]

Mr.Frustration, thank you for your reply to my post. I just read yours and here is my two cents

 

Ok, I could write a novel about this but I'm going to give the short version. I was with a girl for 4 years, took care of her and her son... house, finances, vacation, necessities, etc. Due to certain differences and habits I wasn't sure I would be able to live with for the rest of my life and needed some more time to figure out when she literally abused me to get married I declined, she told me a whole bunch of things about myself (none of which I can believe to be true till this day... they weren't very nice), I moved out, she took the house for an additional 6 months, we have been out of what was "Our house" for 3 months now with very little conversation and have not seen each other for about 4.5 months.

 

I think when someone tells you "a whole bunch of things about yourself that you don't believe to be true" it still hurts and you are replaying what she said in your head. And they are making you second guess your decision to let her go? And.....it's only been 4.5 months. I would say try not to let yourself think about what she said or think about her for that matter........easier said than done...I know. Enjoy your new friend, if she's as nice as you say, might want to hang on to her