annony Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I had a meltdown this morning because I had been up at the crack of dawn with my kids after having worked until 1am last night. My son loves to eat, he's two, he's growing, and he's discovered how wonderful flavour is. I made the kids oatmeal for breakfast, and sat with my son helping him eat, all while my tummy was growling. I had turned on my coffee maker in hopes of having coffee by the time I was done feeding my toddler, but in my tired zombie mind, I forgot to put the grounds in, so when I went to pour a cup, I had only hot water. I reset the machine and moved on to cleaning up the oatmeal shrapnel that my son had strewn all over the dining room. I finished cleaning up, while nagging my daughter to get herself dressed, and texting my bf reminding him that it's his close friends birthday. Finnaly, coffee? No, I return to the smell of burning and an empty pot. Crap, forgot the water this time. I coach myself to remain calm as I pour the water into the machine getting ready for Mama vs. Coffee round three. This time while waiting for hopefully coffee, I run around the house cleaning up kid debris and trying to find all the components of my daughters uniform for her impending dance lesson. Turns out, neither she nor I can locate her bag. I refrain from taking out my frustrations on her (REALLY! HOW CAN YOU LOSE YOUR DANCE BAG? WHY WOULD YOU HIDE SUCH A THING?) and search any and every unlikely place for her gear, eventually finding it in the bathroom cupboard. (WHY? HOW DID IT GET THERE?) Now, finally, coffee? YES!!! The coffee is ready, but I can no longer ignore the fact that I am starving. Since having my son, I have not eaten regular meals. Sometimes the first meal of the day is at 8pm after he's gone to bed. I know this is wrong, but when I find myself stretched too thin, my own needs are the first one's I cut. Yesterday, a need I cut was my dinner. I go for something quick, because soon we have to pile on the bus and go to dance, and because I want to eat it before my son sees me. I grab a bagel, I'm not even going to toast it, I'm just going to slap some cream cheese on it and eat it as fast as possible. I made too much noise in cutting the bagel. My son heard me and came to see the fact that I had food. He wants it. This is the last bagel. I tell him "No baby, Mama gets this, you already ate breakfast, Mama's hungry." He frantically reaches for the bagel with tears in his eyes. I try and turn my back and not look at him as I spread my cream cheese, but his teary eye'd stare is shooting guilt beams in the back of my head. I cave in and give him half my bagel. I scarf my remaining half as fast as I can, but I realize I'm still starving. My son however, is not starving. He's now too full, but at least he's happy. He spins around in circles in excited delight, getting dizzy and.....vomiting. I start to cry. I'm hungry, I gave up my food for my son who just ralphed it up all over the floor. My daughter comes in and takes one look at me, and the puke, and her brother who is laughing hysterically. She asks what's going on. My response.... "Mommy really wanted to eat her whole bagel." I have a blind toddler, as well as an active busy daughter, and my own business. I am sleep deprived and malnourished. My mental state has gotten to the point where I'm having meltdowns over bagels. Someone save me? Link to comment
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