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Do MEN really like it when a woman approaches them?


25something

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I'm a little confused now, Ever since I started dating in this "awesome" LOL dating world I haven't hardly-if ever really approached a man. I'm not sure what it is but usually when I'm attracted to someone, they would usually already approach me first. I'm so used to men approaching me that only, I think it has crippled my game; not complaining because it is flattering when a man approaches a woman, but there is a problem for me when its the other way around.

My friends suggested that I do the approaching sometimes, instead of waiting. Anyways I feel like ever since I started approaching men, they are turned off by it? Like I'm desperate or something. I'm not sure if I will continue approaching men now, makes me feel like I'm trying too much to get their attention and they don't like it. You know the whole saying, "Men like the chase" well I guess that may be true sometimes. This is the thing, If I try to make a small convo by approaching a man and he seems a little stand-off-ish or he doesn't seem interested then I totally just back away, I won't even try because It will just make me look like a FOOL lol. Anyways, do you guys/gals think that men like it when a woman can approach them or does the old fashioned-chase rule over? I give up, I won't approach A SINGLE MAN FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE.

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Yeah, guys like it - if it's someone they find attractive. Maybe, if approaching isn't working, you can try something equally obvious, but slightly less forward. Like walking by them and without breaking stride, flash a big smile and look down. If they're interested and they have blood coursing through their veins, they'll approach you in short order.

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Now you know what it is like for a man in the dating world. I suppose in a way you are like a teenage boy that has no idea how to approach a stranger that they find attractive and woo them. Of course, you do not have the benefit that a teenage boy would have of those who they are approaching also being teenagers and relatively unjaded/unexperienced. Your description of what is happening is the description of someone who does not know how to approach someone they are interested in effectively yet. It sounds like you are making your interest a bit too overt a bit too early. Start the body language, eye contact, and dialogue off innocuously, if you can find an innocent but genuine excuse to start a conversation then you are on the right track. Approaching is a whole other world from being approached. When you are approached all the impetus is on the other person to keep the conversation going while you can just sit there and "be flattered". You can certainly relax and be yourself when you are approaching someone, but be skeptical of your own interest in that person until you get to know them so you do not convey too much interest too early. I would say 75% of the advice that goes to men on approaching women can be used for women approaching men.

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Yes, of course. I think it's definitely an attractive quality for a woman to take action and sometimes it will actually swing the balance in her favor if I otherwise had little interest in them. Also I very much dislike the chase. If a woman is being evasive and making me jump through hoops then I take that as a sign of low interest and I'll look elsewhere. I think men are genuinely surprised when a woman approaches and may not know how to react since it is strange new territory. Maybe you are interpreting that as stand-offishness.

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Responding is easy. She says hi - say hi back. she starts talking. So Talk. She keeps tlaking, so keep talking. Eventually decide you don't want the conversation to end, but realize talking is becoming inconvienient because you're thirsty, hungry, or oneof you have to leave - at that point, turn it into an invite to go have something [like a drink - incuding coffee, tea, water, hot chocolate! alchohol is unnecessary!! - at which she may be delighted by] or ask her to go out later or make it an excuse to exchange phone numbers!!

 

Seriously, girls, you hold ths cards with this one - the most successful women, I do believe, are those who are proactive. You have the widest screen available, so you get the best pick, and usually that's all it takes...

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Any dating experiences I've had that have worked out have been when the man approached me. When I approach the man, it NEVER works and even if they're initially sort of interested, they seem kind of scared and eventually bail on the whole thing. I think I kind of approach them wrong though, like too bluntly and then because I'm afraid of rejection I get sort of anxious and it's obvious and that's what makes them bail.

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Some men do some don't, kind of obvious but I bet it's true. The more confident guys I'm willing to bet prefer to do the chasing.

 

Maybe they aren't turned off by your approach, your just feeling particularly vulnerable and self-conscious at the moment?

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In my experience they do especially if it's in a situation where people are mingling naturally - not as much in a bar or club but during a shared activity, volunteer work, at a party at a mutual friends' house, at work! In my dating experience (on and off for 24 years until 6 years ago) a woman asking a man out on a date especially more than once wasn't the best idea if she was looking for a long term relationship. Typically it was a turn off even if the man was getting interested in the woman - if he was smitten it also could sort of knock the wind out of his sails. I hope that's changed because I didn't mind asking men out but stopped because of many many experiences (not just me, many many women and men I knew and know) - I didn't mind being rejected but I did mind ruining something with potential -and the beginning is often so fragile as far as interest levels I decided not to risk doing the asking since I was looking for an LTR.

 

I approached my husband first. It was a work situation, he was a new employee, I was supposed to welcome a new employee (I had been there a month!). He was standing alone accross the room so I crossed the room and introduced myself. I don't know if we would have met otherwise since it was a big company and we worked in different departments.

 

Over the years I went up to many men to introduce myself, asked many men to dance, started conversations with many men in natural settings like school/work/activities, contacted many men through on line dating sites and suggested first meets (but let the man ask me out on the first real date). I doubt I'd be married to my (then very shy) husband if I hadn't gone over to him first.

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blueidealist24, yeah I know exactly what you're talking about. When I do approach a man, they have this scared vibe towards me. Maybe I'm approaching them the wrong way too? lol

 

Success story on what to do!

 

A former co-worker of mine, a really cool guy, really mellow, an older man and a good guy by all accounts told me a story that was rather interesting. He told me a story where he went on vacation (family reunion) and a niece of his (who was 26 years old at the time) expressed her concern that no guy was really interested in her.

 

Her: "Uncle Joe, I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm friendly, I dress nice, I talk to guys when they approach me and nothing. Nothing. None of them really ask me out and none of them seem serious! What do I do or is there anything I can do that I'm not already doing!

 

Him: Well, Stacy, is there any guy you kind of like that you've seen at work, school, or church? Somebody you kind of got your eye on?

 

Her: Yeah there is a couple guys I kind of like.

 

Him: Well honey pick a guy you like and get in his path and on his road. What I mean by this is, be in the lunch room when he's taking lunch, be in the parking lot when he's there and wherever you can "bump" into him. Make it look like coincidence, an accident - when it really isn't. You are available and approachable but you have to put yourself in an available position and that's only right in his path.

 

She took his advice and one year later my co-worker had to fly out of State to go to her wedding.

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blueidealist24, yeah I know exactly what you're talking about. When I do approach a man, they have this scared vibe towards me. Maybe I'm approaching them the wrong way too? lol

 

 

Yeah, exactly, and i always end up rejected, if not right then then eventually! But OTHER guys pursue me quite often! It's weird..

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I dont hate it or love it. I only get approached in clubs and bars and its usually to dance with them. Only other time was friends friends who I met. Last time some woman just asked me something and I was drunk and just said "yeah I know him" (i dont remember much, lol). One girl was aggressive to me and we hooked up for a short time. I think it would be easier to just shoot a stare toward him and let him do the work, thats how I approach women easier, when I lock eyes with them and they take a good second to look at me and smile back at me from a distance.

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Not all men are the same.

 

Some men just don't have it within them to approach a woman and start chatting her up or to lead and initiate things. In a case like that, a woman could step it up and initiate contact. It's always good to have two swords available in case one breaks, you never know. The problem is most women are one-dimensional, they only know one way and most are not willing to learn any other. Rejection is a part of it, but that comes in every other form of life as well.

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Any dating experiences I've had that have worked out have been when the man approached me. When I approach the man, it NEVER works and even if they're initially sort of interested, they seem kind of scared and eventually bail on the whole thing. I think I kind of approach them wrong though, like too bluntly and then because I'm afraid of rejection I get sort of anxious and it's obvious and that's what makes them bail.

exactly... same here. I've experienced that men feel all excited when I approach them, but they dont' want to pursue me. They get confused about how they are supposed to respond and since I really want a man to pursue me, I'm not interested in doing all the asking out, arranging for dates, and then waiting for the call, etc. One man even told me later "You approached me first. You initiated the contact, so I expect *you* to pursue me, call me back after a date. If I had approached you, I would have pursued you. You never called me back, I took that as lack of interest from your side to continue and I moved on." wow... !

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Not all men are the same.

 

Some men just don't have it within them to approach a woman and start chatting her up or to lead and initiate things. In a case like that, a woman could step it up and initiate contact. It's always good to have two swords available in case one breaks, you never know. The problem is most women are one-dimensional, they only know one way and most are not willing to learn any other. Rejection is a part of it, but that comes in every other form of life as well.

 

 

Yes this is very good advice.

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  • 1 year later...
I'm a little confused now, Ever since I started dating in this "awesome" LOL dating world I haven't hardly-if ever really approached a man. I'm not sure what it is but usually when I'm attracted to someone, they would usually already approach me first. I'm so used to men approaching me that only, I think it has crippled my game; not complaining because it is flattering when a man approaches a woman, but there is a problem for me when its the other way around.

 

I'm the exact same way but with women. And yes, I think it has crippled my game to an extent. It feels so natural to be approached that if someone is interested but wants me to do the work, it's a major undertaking. And I do realize that it's not fair to the women.

 

 

ps I didn't realize this thread was so old, my bad.

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I don't know the number of times but I have tried it as an experiment and every time I have had to force something or chase a guy, it's because he hasn't been interested, and it hasn't worked. If he had been that interested he would have chased/approached me. I've also spoken to male friends who agree- men are biologically programmed to pursue women and they like the chase. I'm sure being chased/approached works for SOME men and it's definitely an ego boost, but in terms of them seeing you as their dream girl I think it doesn't do you a service. I don't believe men are interested ENOUGH if they don't approach a girl/make the first move. I personally wouldn't do it because I believe the man should take the lead, and this has worked for all my friends as well. There is a dating book called The Rules and I really really agree with it. Guys that chase me? Yes, if I like them of course I respond. But if a guy I don't like chases me then of course I don't- however that's not BECAUSE they chased me, it's because I'm not interested.

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