I have discovered why i'm terrified of rejection...

[sv722]

.... and why i hate women. I'm 20 years old and its all because of my sister. She always rebukes and verbally abuses me. I've had enough and i disowned her a few weeks ago and im no longer talking to her. Whenever i go to talk to her she is always in a bad mood and answers with abusive retorts. She hates me for no reason.

 

She's always been like this ever since we were kids.

 

Therefore whenever i see girls my own age and would like to talk to them, i just see my sister being rude and abusive to me and hurling insults and i assume that this is what will happen to me if i try to go and talk to those girls.

 

I am absolutely cripplingly terrified. Girls look at me all the time on campus and when i walk past them they look down or look away. I can talk to guys alright once they come over and im very comfortable and can be myself but i avoid girls like hell.

 

I'd like to get into a relationship but i somehow dont feel as if i'll ever be good enough or worthy of one. In lectures i just sit all by myself and avoid people especially girls. I only talk with a few people that i know.

I'm on medication for anxiety and depression. The depression is almost gone, its just the anxiety that's a massive pain right now.

 

I've had tons of opportunities to hook up with girls and lose my virginity with them but i just cant because i'm scared of them.

What should i do?

I'm going out tonight and there will be lots of girls at our school disco and they'll try and get with me and i'll feel really awful and pressured.

[indigoblue]

Do you think there's anyway to increase your confidence by talking to a therapist or taking up a hobby you're good at? That would really help, why not try to make friends with girls in a platonic way and approach one who isn't so intimidating. Baby steps help a lot.

[lukeb]

It looks like you have figured it out on an intellectual level to get there emotionally is going to take a lot more time and effort. To get there you are going to have to make a conscious effort to change your perception.

[sidehop]

I'm very sorry to hear about your past. It does sound like your sister was jealous of something while girls at the college are attracted to you (or why would they look down?). I agree with indigo it may be a great step to see a therapist to find steps in overcoming the past and the current fears. There could be more in-depth reasons as to why you are feeling the way you are.

 

It's natural in a sense that because you saw someone you were supposed to look up to was hostile and learned to reject or avoid any contact with women while deep down you're wanting that attention you never had from your own sister.

[oldenoughtoknow]

I agree with indigoblue. Think baby steps. You said you've had lots of opportunities to hook up with girls. Change your thinking. Don't call it that. Think of it as talking and getting to know each other. There's a dance tonight. Set a goal for yourself. You're fearful of going up and talking to girls. So if one walks up and talks to you, decide that you're going to talk with her and get to know her. You're NOT, under any circumstances, going to hook up with her. Take that pressure off of yourself and the situation. You're just going to talk. That's a doable baby step, isn't it? I think you'll be amazed at how well it goes.

[sv722]

Do you think there's anyway to increase your confidence by talking to a therapist or taking up a hobby you're good at? That would really help, why not try to make friends with girls in a platonic way and approach one who isn't so intimidating. Baby steps help a lot.

 

I saw a therapsit and it helped a little and i'll be going back again.

I'm on the rowing team. I have practise virtually everyday and it still doesnt get my mind off it. I also do Archery which is on Wednesday's.

I've tried making friends with girls in a totall platonic way but i cant, I literall just stand there frozen and too terrified to say or do anything

[sv722]

I'm very sorry to hear about your past. It does sound like your sister was jealous of something while girls at the college are attracted to you (or why would they look down?). I agree with indigo it may be a great step to see a therapist to find steps in overcoming the past and the current fears. There could be more in-depth reasons as to why you are feeling the way you are.

 

It's natural in a sense that because you saw someone you were supposed to look up to was hostile and learned to reject or avoid any contact with women while deep down you're wanting that attention you never had from your own sister.

 

Yeah she said that she was jealous of me because apparently i've had it easy and knew what i wanted to do with my life. I got help and that's how i know what decisions i was going to make for my future. She was offered help by my mum but she also refused that as well.

Now both me and my mum dont even speak to her anymore as she's always been very rude and is now paying the price for it.

[shikashika]

Don't blame your sister for your problems!

 

Nowadays everyone wants to blame the relationhsip with their father or mother or teacher, instead of focusing on improving yourself. You can't get better if you have hate towards someone. I know that relationships in our life DO affect us, but we can't sit and point the finger at others.

 

Everyone goes through crap, has had unhealthy relationhsips, but i think blaming others is very dnagerous. It takes all the blame off ourselves.

 

I can't remember where it was, but I read a post on here the other day about rejection, and basically people were saying that "When someone rejects you, they dont' know what they are missing!"

 

I think this is very wrong. If we think that nothing is wrong with us, then we'll just keep making the same mistakes over and over again.

 

so anyway, even if your sister has been a horrible person, you have to get rid of that and focus on improvign yourself.