mhowe Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 okay ----- but no game playing!!! Being your authentic self is the best way to go --- wouldn't hurt if the guy sitting next to you was a hunk! Link to comment
fromnywithlove Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 Unfortunately, I don't know many hunks! Hahah. He was probably the hunkiest of them all. I don't want to play games though. I'm just going to have fun with him. I still make him laugh (the last time we spoke and I wasn't actually upset about us not being together, that is). What does that mean though when he told me, "I love you in the way that if anyone hurt you, I would kill them. I would never let anyone hurt you" when I asked him point blank, "why don't you love me anymore?" Is that a good sign? Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Don't think so -- he loves you in a "protecter" kind of way ----like, I have a couple of guy friends who would literally kick someone's butt for me if I asked them to. It doesn't sound like romantic love....but it's only one sentence. Link to comment
fromnywithlove Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 Meh. I wish I could just turn off my feelings for him like a faucet. Of course he doesn't have romantic love for me anymore. He's the one who broke up with me. Man, I really want to call him right now. Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 no, no, no. If you did, you would most likely sound emotional and needy. You want him to see the confident, secure, emotionally stable person you once were and will be again. That is the woman he fell in love with --- romantic love can reignite (not promising it will), but you've got to present the right you!! Link to comment
lemonhaze Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 I haven't heard from my ex in 41 days now, it gets easier after a while Link to comment
fromnywithlove Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 Yeah, I'm not calling. I just had a moment of weakness. I really plan on being vivacious, fun and easygoing when we next see each other. Link to comment
madine Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 I don't know. I can only say I know my ex will never ever reach out. I am never going to get a call, text or mail from her. I'd easily bet a 1000 $ on that. I know her too well. Unfortunately it seems I'm going to have to put up with seeing me ex about once or twice a month. If I was healed properly I wouldn't mind, she'd be able to see what an awesome guy I am (not to be arrogant, but clearly she once thought of me like that) and second guess her decision - if only a little. But as long as I haven't come to terms with the break up the best thing would be not to see or hear from her at all. Link to comment
aminaSa Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 I dont know about my ex.He is very proud and stubborn and he also is scared of my reaction,so the chances he will reach out are like 5% ..not promising But i wont reach out either,if he can be proud i can be just as proud as he Link to comment
fromnywithlove Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 My ex, too, is very proud. He never admitted when he was wrong. That was his worst quality. Link to comment
aminaSa Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 My guy wasn't in those small details ,but when it comes to this....im much sure he will not try to reach out.Even if he wanted me back he wouldn't do anything about it,so im kinda loosing hope Link to comment
fromnywithlove Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 How long has it been? How long were you two together? Why did you breakup? My ex and I never had a blow out fight. We never really fought bad, just some little squabbles. We just stopped being happy with each other, I guess. There were never any issues like cheating or jealousy there. Link to comment
mecastillo1987 Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 I closed the door and actually said "Goodbye" via e-mail just three days ago... (It had been 1 month already after the break-up) I was initially planning No Contact for 3 months immediately after, but I'd have these really bad depression attacks. I wonder if saying "Goodbye" and not just -disappearing- ruined my already little chances of having a future reconciliation with him. Link to comment
aminaSa Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 How long has it been? How long were you two together? Why did you breakup? My ex and I never had a blow out fight. We never really fought bad, just some little squabbles. We just stopped being happy with each other, I guess. There were never any issues like cheating or jealousy there. 11 months...and its been 8 weeks(7 weeks NC).We ended in a bad way,we argued and he said all kind of mean stuff to me too.But i read its actually a good sign if he is angry an mean after the breakup.How about you? Link to comment
mecastillo1987 Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 its actually a good sign if he is angry an mean after the breakup. AminaSa, how so? Shows he still cares? (Mine was REALLY, REALLT ANGRY when I went to his - I mean, "cornered" him at his house.) Link to comment
fromnywithlove Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 I'm not sure if anger is the best emotion to have if you want to reconcile. My ex, for example, is still very angry at his ex before me. That anger would prevent him 100% from ever seeing her again. He doesn't have anger towards me and he doesn't hate me. Reconciliation, imo, is more possible in a situation where anger isn't involved. But it's just my opinion. Link to comment
aminaSa Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 No it all depends why is there anger,,did his ex hurt him? my ex is angry for NO reason,,he just is angry,actually im not sure if he is still we haven't had any contact. Anyway i read indifference is the worst sign,since it means the guy is probably over you ,,all emotions can mean he has still some feelings,but when he just simply does not care its different Link to comment
fromnywithlove Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 His ex was an all around nasty person to him. She was his first real serious relationship, I suspect, and she burned a lot of bridges for him when it comes to women. She was VERY jealous and very controlling towards him. They were together for three years and it really burnt him out. He would never in a million years get back together with her. Our issues were very different. We never screamed at each other or hated each other... our issues were a bit more of a long, slow simmer whereas theirs were a spectacular, scalding boil. Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 I always play nice. It's my character. But he's going to sit accross from me at dinner and pine for me. I'll make sure of it! haha Dont push it, if the guy is experienced he will know what you are trying to do. Last thing you want is for him to slip into your bed, and then after all the music and candy is done, go back to how you were before the get together. I am sure there are many gestures that you shot his way during the relationship, he will look for that if you come out looking for attention. If it were me, yeah, I would wear new clothes, but I would mingle and focus on others. I wouldnt show needy and clingy behavior toward my ex, especially since that was one of the reasons i believe she left me for, so, in order to not show this I would give my ex less attention and focus. Just dont go there expecting something to happen. Dont ruin your own fun. Link to comment
fromnywithlove Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 Hey Thor. Um.. hello muscles? Who knew you were so buff? Holla! haha No, but back to the issue at hand... I just want to have fun with him like I used to. We'll have a good time. I know this because every day I miss being with him a little bit less, even though overall I still do miss him. I am slowly learning to be without him. In a month's time, I'll feel even better. As a man, can I ask you a question though? Not that I want to have sex with him again, but how easy is it really for a girl to get a guy to sleep with her? On the one hand, I think if I wear something revealing and/or look good (he was always very attracted to me and not that I am boasting, but I am considered attractive by a lot of people) he could fall for it, but on the other hand he is very resolute and can easily distance himself from his emotions. Disclaimer though... I don't want to have sex with him! I want to reconcile and having sex with him now would ruin everything. I was just debating this with my female friends. They say it's easy to get a guy to sleep with you. I don't think it is. Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 "Holla"- Oh word? You from new york I see. Then I am coming to this trip with you then, and lets get him jealous when I come through with you around my arm. Then I'll have you posting about our breakup in 2 months, lol. Just kidding, I am playing!! I would be careful with this game you seem to want to play. I dont know you, but its easy to have this game backfire, things like this hit you hard when all of a sudden you catch feelings. Unless you are strong of mind, it might not be a good idea. And it is easy to get a guy to sleep with you. But it means nothing. I have slept with women at a party and then ignored them the next morning. I have slept with women who I would marry, and i slept with women that would not go past that day. And I wont lie and say that my ex has been chasing me for 5 years and I have thought about inviting her to my house just for lust, and then maybe stretching that for a few weeks until I find a girlfriend to be with (this was an ex of 5 years who broke up with me). Personally, I am hard to get, and I never chase women unless they make it obvious they like me. I dont fall for games, and I never give a girl a free ego-boost, and if it was an ex, I would see right through that (my ex i just mentioned did try that when we met up 3 years after our break up, and i told her to sit right because she looks like a bird. When she stopped looking like an idiot, i talked to her like a human being. When she left i kissed her, but I never called her or picked up her calls- i did this for my ego, and yes, its messed up, but I was an angel to this girl, actually, her hero when she was down and out). Just be careful with these games. If you want to play these games, then you would give him nothing and just let him chase, build the sexual tension. Sort of like he has it, but doesnt, push and pull. He wont miss what he has, and he wont value something that is easy. But I wouldnt bother unless you can take the rejection and not slip into chasing him and getting back those old feelings. Link to comment
fromnywithlove Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 I am from NYC, yep. Born and raised. As I said, the only thing I plan on doing is looking really cute when we see each other. It shouldn't be a shock to him or seem desperate as I always continually looked nice for him. I always dressed up and he always complimented me for that. I take care of myself in that regard very well. But as I said, I'm not going to sleep with him. I might shoot him a few lingering glances, but that's it. I want to reconcile with him but I realize in order to do that I need to a) NOT have sex with him and b) NOT come on too strong, especially since the last time we spoke I put my heart and soul on the line and told him how I felt. Now that I am gone out of his life, he must be wondering where I went. I'd reckon he's pretty curious. We went from talking all the time to absolutely nothing. The next time he sees me, I'm sure he will have missed me at some point during the time from the start of NC until then. He'd be heartless not to, considering we were friends first and he told me he felt he lost a best friend when we broke up as I was the only one besides his mom who actively cared for him. I know he's not heartless. But I'm not going to sleep with him. No games, just me protecting my heart. Link to comment
fromnywithlove Posted October 8, 2011 Author Share Posted October 8, 2011 Just want to update that as of today we are still in NC mode. I wonder if he misses me. Or if he's wondering why I'm not calling or where I am. Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Just want to update that as of today we are still in NC mode. I wonder if he misses me. Or if he's wondering why I'm not calling or where I am. Do you intend to heal at all? This can lead to anxiety, and it can stunt your ability to move on. I dont doubt many ex's miss their ex's, the question is if they want you for that role of their one and only- thats the major issue for many of us. If you start to move on a bit, you will be in a far stronger position of power. Link to comment
fromnywithlove Posted October 8, 2011 Author Share Posted October 8, 2011 I'm trying. Of course I want to heal, but ultimately at this point I want to reconcile. I'm specifically going NC so that I can put this behind me and be in a stable position one day when/if he wants to reconcile. Of course, it's totally possible by then I will have 100% moved on. You know? Link to comment
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