fromnywithlove Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Hello all! I dated the person who I consider the love of my life for almost two years. We started to make each other unhappy (dealing with a huge move, death in my family, money issues) and just sort of crumbled. We broke up in February but have had limited contact up until about a week ago. Also, I didn't know it but during our relationship, I was suffering from dysthymia (I still am, but it is under control and I am feeling better than I have ever felt in my life). After feeling heartbroken for months, I imposed NC as a way to fully heal and break away from him. I realize there are other fish in the sea and that honestly, I am a great catch. I realize that if a person wants to be in your life, they will make it their business to do so. Nothing would stop a person who really does love you. Immediately before going into NC, I had a sort of meltdown on the phone with him. I asked him point blank why he didn't love me anymore. He said, "I do love you. I love you in such a way that if anyone were to hurt you or to try to upset you, I would kill them. I would never let anyone hurt you." He said that if he hasn't ever been in a relationship with me before and just met me randomly, he would be very attracted to me and very interested, but that knowing our history (by this, I know he meant my depression) he would be leery. Some days he would tell me if I got my dysthymia in check he would be very open to being in a relationship again- other days he says he's very happy being single as he gets to concentrate on work. We've had our ups and downs just like everyone else, but our love for each other was very real. Before we broke up we were looking at homes together, but I had to move back home (many, many miles away) due to the death of a very close family member. His mother thought I was the woman he would marry and so did he along with many other people, but it just fell apart when we tried to maintain our relationship long distance while I waited for him to make the move to be near me and near more job prospects (I come from a very large city). I still have a very soft spot for him in my heart; he was my rock, my strength when I needed him the most and even now I feel a pang of loss when I think about him. Now that I am feeling better I am starting to realize I do not need him. But what if I genuinely liked being around him? If I genuinely adored his company? We would laugh for hours just doing the silliest things. I know there will be others, but what if I still love him? Do they ever reach out to you if their love was real in the first place? I'm not making contact anymore. He knows how I feel. I can't deal with the heartache anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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