tacs1895 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Just some thoughts on how reconciliation could happen, and it seems to me that in a lot of ways, things could fall into two types. Either: - the dumper has a change of heart after a certain amount of time, realises they miss the other person after all and changes their mind about wanting to be with them. Presumably the more time that passes, the less likely that they'll just suddenly change their mind, unless perhaps triggered by something important, otherwise presumably the dumper is just continuing with their lives believing they made the right choice to break up and no longer missing their ex or regretting their decision. or: - the dumpee gets over it, works on themselves and changes for the better, which is later seen by the dumper who is attracted to the "new" person that the dumpee has become. Of course those changes have to be for the person themselves, rather than just in order to impress the dumper. And having got over it, it may indeed be that then other factors come into play, such as whether the dumper has also shown signs of change which might now be important for the dumpee to see. In contrast to the first type, it would seem that this could only be possible after a significant amount of time, certainly months, if not years, because those types of changes don't happen quickly. And of course during that period of time, any number of things could happen to both the dumper and dumpee, work, living, new relationships, etc. which would also be factors in whether reconciliation could be possible. I'm not really saying it's as black and white as that, of course in reality not everything will fall as neatly into either one category or the other, and of course there are a myriad of factors involved. But it's just some vague thoughts I've had. In my own situation, having been left my girlfriend 9 months ago, I think I can assume that the former situation doesn't count. While she said she never stopped caring about me, she has also said she's moved on, and has given no indication of wanting to get back together. Instead she appears to be happy in her life currently. So I feel fairly certain that there is little likelihood of her changing her mind, or suddenly thinking that she'd made a mistake after all. In which case, the only way it might ever happen for me, is for me to be truly over it, to improve my own self-confidence, self-esteem and outgoingness (which are my personal issues which I would definitely like to improve for myself!), as well as my creative work and financial situations. And then maybe one day, the possibility will arise where we get to know each other again, and realise there is something there that we both want enough for us to start over, and that we're both in a better place for it to work. Thoughts? Link to comment
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