two types of reconciliation?

[tacs1895]

Just some thoughts on how reconciliation could happen, and it seems to me that in a lot of ways, things could fall into two types.

 

Either:

 

- the dumper has a change of heart after a certain amount of time, realises they miss the other person after all and changes their mind about wanting to be with them. Presumably the more time that passes, the less likely that they'll just suddenly change their mind, unless perhaps triggered by something important, otherwise presumably the dumper is just continuing with their lives believing they made the right choice to break up and no longer missing their ex or regretting their decision.

 

or:

 

- the dumpee gets over it, works on themselves and changes for the better, which is later seen by the dumper who is attracted to the "new" person that the dumpee has become. Of course those changes have to be for the person themselves, rather than just in order to impress the dumper. And having got over it, it may indeed be that then other factors come into play, such as whether the dumper has also shown signs of change which might now be important for the dumpee to see. In contrast to the first type, it would seem that this could only be possible after a significant amount of time, certainly months, if not years, because those types of changes don't happen quickly. And of course during that period of time, any number of things could happen to both the dumper and dumpee, work, living, new relationships, etc. which would also be factors in whether reconciliation could be possible.

 

I'm not really saying it's as black and white as that, of course in reality not everything will fall as neatly into either one category or the other, and of course there are a myriad of factors involved. But it's just some vague thoughts I've had.

 

In my own situation, having been left my girlfriend 9 months ago, I think I can assume that the former situation doesn't count. While she said she never stopped caring about me, she has also said she's moved on, and has given no indication of wanting to get back together. Instead she appears to be happy in her life currently. So I feel fairly certain that there is little likelihood of her changing her mind, or suddenly thinking that she'd made a mistake after all.

 

In which case, the only way it might ever happen for me, is for me to be truly over it, to improve my own self-confidence, self-esteem and outgoingness (which are my personal issues which I would definitely like to improve for myself!), as well as my creative work and financial situations. And then maybe one day, the possibility will arise where we get to know each other again, and realise there is something there that we both want enough for us to start over, and that we're both in a better place for it to work.

 

Thoughts?

[Eocsor]

How about the dumper gets out there, has a string of relationships, they don't work out, they are feeling lonely, and so they head back to something familiar. It's not that you've changed or are better, it's just that you are the old shoe that will make them comfortable. Whether it lasts or not is open to debate.

[endy]

Yup all three of those happen and CAN happen. The one below being the worst one and have the worst chance of reconciliation being successful.

 

People prefer suffering that is familiar. That's out of fear. Not healthy at all. A reconciliation that has a better chance IMO is when people take time apart, change on both ends... and then get in contact and there's a spark again. That doesn't mean they can't be in other healthy relationships during that time. But going from relationship to relationship does not give you a chance to heal, learn, and grow.