ashley001 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Part of me feels like breaking down into tears and the other part of me feels like strangling someone to death... *sigh* My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months--he's 21, I just turned 20. In a nutshell--I have a job, he doesn't. Thus, he can't afford to take me anywhere, we haven't been on a date in over a month...he can't even pay for an ice cream cone for me. Not saying I want him to pay for everything, but unless I pay--we don't go out! He literally has zero money. Last Saturday was my birthday, my family is big on tradition when it's one of our birthdays--my parents, my sister, and I go out to buffet brunch, spend the day at the beach, etc. My boyfriend knew that, but I invited him to dinner. He shows up at my house at 7pm, hugs me and kisses me and says, "Happy Birthday!" He then proceeds to say, "SO I had a surprise for you, but you kinda ruined it." I'm thinking...how is that possible? He says he was going to make my favorite pancakes for me the morning before my birthday (Friday morning) since neither of us have class on Friday. I then remember a conversation we had Thursday night around 1am, he asked me what I was doing in the morning. I had already made plans with friends. THAT WAS HIS LOGIC FOR ME RUINING HIS 'SURPRISE'. I just want to enjoy dinner so I shrug it off and dinner with my family and him was great! After dinner we come back home and he still has given me nothing. since Saturday I've been waiting for him to do something! Anything! I'm not asking for a diamond ring...not even anything expensive...but would a homemade card have been SO hard? Making me breakfast on Sunday, Monday, or today?? He did NOTHING out of the ordinary to make me feel special. He didn't even save like $10 to buy me flowers or anything. He lives with his dad and money is tight so part of me feels bad for being upset with him, but I know he's spent money on fast food, etc. here and there recently. I don't know what to think... Is it possible to end a relationship because of a lack of money? I need advice, anything... Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 You should have let him know that you would have liked to get something, if it's such a big deal to you. Were you expecting that he would read your mind? People don't do that. The guy's got no money either. You say "Well he could have made a homemade card". Well, paper/supplies cost money! And maybe like most guys, he's not very arts/crafty. I don't see "birthday gifts" as some sort of understood god-given right. If that's something that is important to you, you need to communicate that, perhaps WELL in advance because you knew that he was broke so he could have time to either think of something good that was free or save up his money. I can totally understand his not getting you anything - you said nothing and you are both broke! If getting gifts and going on paid dates is so important to you, then yes, maybe you would be happier if you left him and went with someone who had more spending money. Up to you. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 He literally has zero money.... ^^ If one has ZERO money, then obviously it will be rather difficult to BUY someone a gift, no? So, for you to actually expect him to get you a gift, when you already know for the past six months that he has zero money, is a little difficult for me to understand. No money = not able to buy gifts. That said, yes I agree he could have cooked a dinner for you at his place (I'm assuming there would be groceries in his house), or something similar. As to why he didn't do so AFTER your birthday is probably because he thought "well, her birthday is over now, so there's no point" - (unfortunately some people think that way). On another note: Is he actively looking for a job, or does he just sit at home all day doing nothing? Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 i agree with fudgie, some people are not into the whole birthday giving gifts thing and especially if he has no money i can see where he is coming from and if he was raised in a family that didn't make a big deal about birthdays like my bf was, then he just doesn't think about it, my bf doesn't give gifts for my birthday either, he rather show up unexpected one day with flowers or chocolates and i have accepted that, it's just who he is.....be glad he went to the dinner with you! and indeed he is no mind reader so if gifts are important to you you should let him know and not expect him to read your mind...i would not feel hurt if all else is going well Link to comment
ashley001 Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 On another note: Is he actively looking for a job, or does he just sit at home all day doing nothing? He sits at home all day doing nothing. He doesn't want to get a job because he wants to focus on school...3 classes...and his dad is okay with that. Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Could have made something, borrowed money from a friend or family member, anything really. He's setting the bar pretty low if you ask me. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 He sits at home all day doing nothing. He doesn't want to get a job because he wants to focus on school...3 classes...and his dad is okay with that. Then ask yourself if you are ok with this. If so, then you know what to expect in the future. Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 If he cared about you he would have made an effort. Something....Anything...... And please........saying "he's not a mind reader" doesn't cut it. He knew it was her birthday, and decided to do nothing about it. I've read your posts before and he just sounds very selfish. Link to comment
calichick007 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Just took a look at your post history, and everything you post about this relationship is negative. Everything. It's obvious you're unhappy and have been for awhile, so why are you staying? Afraid to be alone? Link to comment
xyzzzz Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 i actually wouldnt be upset if i were you cuz he already said he was gonna make you pancakes it's just you had plans and afterwards it;s not your birthday anymore so why bother? HOWEVER i would be bothered that a guy sits at home all day..and sounds like he doesnt really do anything for you? i mean if you constantly give him little gifts here and there and pay for his ice creams but he just sits back and enjoy your effort...that would bother me Link to comment
d24 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 if he can afford to buy a burger and fries, but not his girlfriend a card even, he does not have zero money, he has zero intelligence. Things like this really show you how people are - I would be very upset if I were you, he has shown how thoughtless (or clueless?) he is. Give him hell! Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 It's not so much as him having no money, it's the fact that he didn't bother to make an effort. I'm sure he has access to a computer, even at the library or school. He could have sent you an ecard, handwritten a letter on plain paper, gave you a massage - anything. Secondly, he should seriously start looking for some sort of means to make money. He can't be sitting home all the time and expecting his gf to constantly pay for things. If he was trying, that's one thing, if he chooses not to do anything, it's another. I would have a serious talk with him, otherwise, you're just going to start to resent him. Link to comment
ashley001 Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 Just took a look at your post history, and everything you post about this relationship is negative. Everything. It's obvious you're unhappy and have been for awhile, so why are you staying? Afraid to be alone? Slightly, yes. Also,when I think of all the bad I try to think of the good to make up for it....I know that's terrible. I just don't know what to do, I feel like jumping to breakup with be wrong? I feel like there are so many more issues and I don't know where to start. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Erm.....I would have at least done a rose bush robbery or something along those lines and wrote something sweet with something (even a crayon) and a piece of paper to put it on and place it somewhere as a surprise. But then I believe if you truly love someone you WILL be resourceful in anyway possible to show you love them. Link to comment
loveincoffee Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 If he did care.. he would have a found a way out!! I suggest you move on asap to avoid future disappointments. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 My mother made the mistake of reading The Hobbit to me when I was young. Tolkien embodied a brilliant concept. Instead of receiving gifts on their birthdays, Hobbits give gifts - to as many or as few people as they like. It's a powerful concept...I don't know if he's worth this, though... Link to comment
Tanzi Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 It's not so much as him having no money, it's the fact that he didn't bother to make an effort. I'm sure he has access to a computer, even at the library or school. He could have sent you an ecard, handwritten a letter on plain paper, gave you a massage - anything. Secondly, he should seriously start looking for some sort of means to make money. He can't be sitting home all the time and expecting his gf to constantly pay for things. If he was trying, that's one thing, if he chooses not to do anything, it's another. I would have a serious talk with him, otherwise, you're just going to start to resent him. Erm.....I would have at least done a rose bush robbery or something along those lines and wrote something sweet with something (even a crayon) and a piece of paper to put it on and place it somewhere as a surprise. But then I believe if you truly love someone you WILL be resourceful in anyway possible to show you love them. Yep, agree with both of these. I simply DO NOT believe you have to be a mind reader to know that your partner would dearly appreciate the fact that you are thinking of them on their birthday. To tell the OP that she spoilt his plans is an obvious cop out and I'm not sure what he was trying to achieve by saying that. Link to comment
DN Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 You expected this and now it's happened. Since it meant so much to you why didn't you say something beforehand? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I think it was thoughtless of him not to do something for your birthday like an e-card or something that cost no money, only his time, which he apparently has. As far as a romantic relationship or close friendship I wouldn't be able to relate to someone who was content to take only 3 classes and not work or do volunteer work or work on something like art -an important hobby/outside interest. I don't think the break up would be over money, it would be over a lack of a work ethic/ambition/passion. Link to comment
petite Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 E-card is free. A printed card or home made card is less than $1 and he could have made your those pancakes another day or picked flowers from the garden, even asked a neighbor to pick some of her flowers for his girlfriends birthday. He could have put in some effort and he didn't, no excuse. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 This seems to have more to do with his level of maturity, rather than the lack of a birthday gift. After reading your previous thread, he doesn't sound ready for an adult relationship. Maybe it's time to re-think where this relationship is going? Link to comment
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