sea change Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I dont know if I am.. for sure. I was sexually abused on more than one occasion by someone i trusted and when their family found out.. they did nothing they encouraged it. I was abused when i was 9-10. Im a mature adult now, 19, going to school. But as I get older relationships and sexual intimcy is something I cant avoid. Guys want me. And I dont necessarily like it. They want relationships with me and relationships that involve sex and intimacy. I bailed on so many relationships. I bailed on a date today too because the thought was making me have a slight panic attack. I just cannot get involved in a relationship period. Sex is something i can't have. My guy friends try to hook me up ALL the time as if I need a favor. I have carefully explained that sex just doesnt interest me - but I dont tell the entire story - they say "sex is natural you are missing out," Maybe not. Sex is something unhealthy and disgusting a way to control and hurt someone a way to use and abuse another person. I know that guys are out there who are good but even with good guys I cant let them touch me. Not ever. And when they do, I run and never look back.. I am in therapy but this feels very permanent. I have been working with this for 3 years in therapy and nothing has changed. Any form of intimacy is run. It makes me sick to my stomach. Despite feeling lonely and the amount of dates ive turned down.. i just cant go there. I just can't. Its too painful. Its very difficult. I do everything to avoid dating and relationships. I get confused when guys ask me out. I say no or try it out but the anxiety kicks in and I can't handle it because touching leads to sex and I can't go there. Not again. Please help me. Therapy.. is not helping. Come to terms with it but it just wont work. I can't erase what happened to me. Link to comment
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