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Dating A Stripper. Now She's Pregnant..


TK99

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So I am on here looking for some advice of what to do. This will be a long post because I am going to be explaining everything I can so you get the full story.

 

To tell you a bit about myself so you get an idea... I am 20 years old, lived on my own since I was about 15, been through a lot in my life. I am working now full time now and renting a room in a house. I am not living poorly, but I have bills I have to pay every month like anyone else. Also to note, I've never and never will step foot in a strip club.

 

As far as the girl, she is 18, grew up without parents, is living on her own with roommates and started stripping when she tuned 18 to make enough money to pay for everything. *

 

A couple months ago in mid August I started talking to this girl. I met her online and we started texting and asking each other questions. I asked her what she is doing as far as work and she told me she was a stripper. She thought I would stop talking to her at that point but I am not that type of guy. We kept talking after that and eventually we ended up meeting at a iHop. She lives about 30 minutes away from me.

 

Maybe around the end of August is when I met up with her. We started talking at the iHop and I learned a little more about her, she is amazingly beautiful and we got along great. She texted me that night telling me that she is sorry she isn't the ideal person to hang out with but she had a great time talking to me. I told her that she was amazing to talk to and that we should hang out again soon. The next night we hung out again and went to a Denny's this time. We talked again for an hour or two and then went home. A day later we hung out again an went to Denny's.. We started hanging out very often. We would only go to Denny's because it is the only place open at 3am or 4am which was when we would hang out because that's when she got off work.

 

So a couple more weeks pass of us hanging out every night pretty much and we start connecting really well. We started talking about how I feel about her being a stripper, and I told her I don't have much of a problem with it. A few weeks into hanging out with her I decided I wanted to kiss her so that our relationship would progress. I kissed her on September 9th. After we hung out one night at Denny's we were walking to our cars and were having a good time and laughing and were about to leave but ended up staying by our cars and talking another 5 minutes or so and we ended up saying bye to each other and hugged 2 times and then we hugged a 3rd time and while we were hugging I said something like '3rd times a charm' because we were hugging so much and that made her laugh a little and as soon as we started to stop hugging we both were holding each other and looking at each other and we kissed. We just kissed on the lips the first time but then we started making out after that. Anyway, she was smiling, I was smiling and we said goodbye and we both went home.

 

We kept on hanging out the next couple night and I found out that she had her car leased and she had to give it back so she wouldn't have a ride to work and back. I offered to take her home when she needed a ride so the next few weeks I started picking her up from work around 3 or 4am and we would stop by Denny's before I took her home. A couple times we went to other places, there is this café that is open late we would go to some times but mostly it was Denny's. On September 19th I asked out out officially. I was driving her home when she was telling me that she is getting kicked out of her house because her roommates were fighting so she needed to find a new place to live, she said that she might have to stay with one of her friends that she works with which is another stripper but she doesn't really want to do that. I offered her to stay at my place for a little while so that she could find a place but she refused. She said she was going to go stay at a friends place Scott and Jason which lives 2 hours away for a couple days so that she could relax and figure out where she is going to live. She told me she would need a ride to the train station to get there. So me being me, I offered to take her. It was about 6am at this time and just before I dropped her off at home so she could pack a few things, * I basically asked her where our relationship stands and she said I don't know, so I asked her if we are together and she looked at me and said I don't know, are we? And I told her I wanted to be with her and she said "me too" so I said alright then we are together and we kissed. She went and packed a few bags and then got in my car and we hung out for a long time until her train came. We were up all night and day. Her train came at 4pm so we went to the mall, got something to eat, went to other stores like Starbucks to keep us awake and other places. We were just killing time and then at about 1pm we decided we were too tired so went and parked in the train station parking lot and took a nap in the car. The whole day was great though, we were having a good time but were both pretty tired. When we were in my car napping she would lean over and lay on my lap and fall asleep, we got pretty close that day as far as our relationship since at that point we were officially together so it gave us both more security.

 

So she came back from that trip a couple days later, I picked her up from the train station and took her home when she got back which was on the 22nd of September I believe. The week after that I kept taking her to work when I could and picking her up from work every night. *

 

Now just last week on September 30th we hung out all day. She was going back to her friends Scott and Jasons place for a few days to hang out again. This time she was being picked up by them and they drove down to our area to pick her up. That whole night we connected at our best and we talked about so much. We went to her house again so she could pack her bags and she had me come in her room while she packed. This was the first time I'd been in her room. She started changing her shirt and pants in front of me but was in her underwear and bra. I guess she is used to that considering what she does but I was pretty amazed. I was just laying on her bed while she was getting ready and she went and took off her shirt again to change and while her shirt was off she came and laid next to me. I got over her and we started making out. I am not the guy to make moves so fast and I feel dumb for not doing anything else but I didn't. We just made out, that's it. I know she wanted to do more, and so did I but it just didn't happen because I didn't do anything about it.

 

Anyway later that night I took her and dropped her off somewhere that her friends Scott and Jason would meet her. She told me that Scott had a thing for her but she doesn't like him so I shouldn't worry about it. She told me that he was upset that I was driving her and dropping her off because he was jealous of me and she said that I should just drop her off. I told her I didn't want drama so I just dropped her off and went home.

 

She stayed there until October 3rd which was yesterday for me now. While she was out there she wasn't replying to her texts often and was acting a little weird. I was texting her and I all of a sudden got a text back later that night that read "we had her drink a lil' so shed pass out. She was way upset.". I was furious because I knew it was her friends who sent that text from her phone obviously. I didn't know what to think and started freaking out. I was just trying to calm myself down for the next few hours until she texted me at 2am saying "hey. Sorry I fell asleep". I asked her how she was feeling and she said "bad" and I asked why but she never replied to that. The next day I texted her saying "hey" and we started talking and she texted me saying "I'm always treated like * * * * " I asked why what's going on and she didn't reply to that. I told her I can pick her up and take her home and she said it's 3 hours away and didn't want me to. The next day which was yesterday for me, the 3rd of October she texted me in the morning saying "i want to go home". I told her I don't have a problem driving out there to pick her up and not to worry about it and she finally gave in and said ok. So I talked to her and figured out what time I would come get her and where to pick her up. I told her I'd be there around 2am because I get off work at 11. She said that's fine and sent me an address of a gas station to pick her up at. Later that night while I was still at work I got a text from her saying "I think we should b friends". I was confused and pissed and every other emotion all at the same time. I didn't know what to do or say. This is how our convo went... *

 

Her - * I think we should b friends *

 

Me - * Talk to me. What's going on?

 

Her - * Just something that happened a long time ago showed up now. I need to figure out my life and what I am doing before I get into anything *

 

Me - * That's fine. Can you call me and we can talk about it? *

 

Me - * I really don't want this. Can we just talk on the phone?

 

After that she called me and we talked. I asked her what's going on and she didn't want to tell me details about anything. She said she had to go to the doctors and that it had to do with someone else. I was trying to figure everything out for the whole night because she wouldn't tell me. I told her we can talk about it when I go to pick her up that night. She texted me later saying "U will stop talking to me or Ull get mad". I assured her I would not get mad and I would understand. I told her I've been through a lot in my life and I'm more understanding than most people. She told me she couldn't tell me in person and that she would text it to me. She said... "The guy scotty before u and I went out had a thing. Right before u. I had sex with him.... Fill in the blank". I asked her what she is going to do and she said "I'm pregnant and I don't believe in abortion". I just told her we would talk about it when I got out there to pick her up. When I picked her up she came walking from down the street with this Scotty guy.. It killed me to see him because he is some older guy who is 28 years old who looks like he has taken some harsh drugs in his time and drinks a lot. He looks like white trash in my view. Maybe I'm biased.. He was carrying her bags for her and I took them from him and put them in my car. She said bye to him and we left. So me and her started talking about everything of course. As soon as she got in the car she started telling me how she doesn't like him and said "he even walks like a douche" as he was walking away. I didn't say anything to that but when we started driving I talked to her a lot of course.

 

She doesn't know what to do with everything. She told me she doesn't want to be with Scott because he is a * * * * at times. I guess their relationship is back and forth where he can be a * * * * some times but is nice other times. She said she had already went and told Scotts family about it and everything. She is a couple or few months pregnant. I asked her if she still has feelings for me and she said she does but she doesn't know what to do right now. I asked her why she told me she wanted to be friends if she still has feelings for me and she said it's because she thought I wouldn't talk to her anymore after she told me. I am a very understanding person and things happen. I really care for this girl. She is amazing. I got a rose for her before I found out she was pregnant and I had thrown it under her seat in my car when I picked her up because I didn't want Scott to see it. I wanted to give her the rose anyway so while we were driving I told her I had something for her under her said and she looked confused so I went and grabbed it and gave it to her. She started looking away from me because she didn't want me to see her crying. She said she was going to cry. She came and hugged me and I nearly cried as well.

 

While we were talking I asked her if she would still want to be with me and she said yes but she is just confused and needs to figure things out first. I understood that. I honestly don't know what to do in this situation. I really like this girl, I can see myself being with her forever and want to help her with everything so that she is happy. She doesn't want to strip her whole life, she wants to be a model, but who knows how that will go now and she is thinking of that too I'm sure which is why she is so confused on what to do. I told her I'd be there for her when she decides and that I still want to be with her.. After I dropped her off at home and we were saying good bye I gave her a hug and asked her for a kiss and she said she didn't want to. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and then we leaned our foreheads on each others and we ended up kissing. I think she didn't want to kiss me because she was afraid it would be our last.

 

I started driving back home after dropping her off and noticed she left the rose I gave her. I texted her saying..

 

Me - You forgot your rose

 

Her - * Im sorry this happened and I honestly don't know what to do.but for now I hope you work hard and do your best in everything you Do. Good Luck.

 

Okay so after I read that text I had to pull over in a parking lot because I was crying so hard I could barely see the road. While I was crying I managed to send this text back to her. *

 

Me - * Well I am here once you decide what to do. You're such an amazing person and I'd be so grateful to have someone like you. Things will work out for you and if its not me, I hope another great guy will take care of you and the little one. * I know you'll need time to figure things out but in the mean time it would be nice to keep in touch. It'd be weird not going to Denny's anymore

 

I ended up crying the rest of the way home which was 30 minutes away. It takes a lot for me to cry and the text she sent me just made me break down finally. So I slept ok last night and am writing this at work now to ease my mind about it all I guess. She texted me this morning saying "Hey" which is a good sign that she is still wanting to talk to me. Our conversation was short today. I just asked her if she was still going to work today and she said yeah if she finds a ride. So if you are reading this shorty after I posted it you are now current for what's going on.

 

So I am just trying to figure out what to do with this whole situation. I really like her, I can go as far as saying I love her because I care about her so much. I am so emotionally attached to her and really can see good things if it all works out. Maybe it's just me fantasizing about it all, I don't know. But like I said I am living on my own, I make enough money to be able to support both of us and if she worked still we would definitely have enough money. The thing is, I don't know what to do. Today I was thinking about it and I am just a big mess. I don't want us to end. It would kill me. I know I am young but I think something like a kid and an amazing girl in my life would help me out so much. I don't do good when I'm by myself. I've been alone for over a year now after breaking up with my ex when I was 18 or 19. I need someone to take care of, that's what I live for. I enjoy caring or someone and taking care of them. I want to come home to a family. I don't know what to do. She is talking about moving 3 hours away so she is closer to Scott. I am hoping she would want to move in with me and I can help support her but I have a feeling she will go live with Scott because he is the dad after all. Anyway I'm confused and just need some advice on this entire situation. Anything would be appreciated.

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Why does she have to give back her leased car if she is stripping? Why did she have to leave her place and live far away with guys? These things don't add up. I have know people who work at strip clubs....sorry to say, but many of them will have sex with guys/go home with them for $200.

 

Ive seen many strippers at the bank I work at-- these ladies are full of cash- drive Benz's, and have no money problems.

 

It sounds to me like you want what you can't have. BTW, Scott is her boyfriend- now they are common-law since they will be having a kid. This girl has way too many issues.

 

Please don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like she is using you for your kindness.

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Oh, and I meant to add - you're not dating her. Meeting her at Denny's when she gets off shift isn't a date. It's you buying her breakfast before she goes back to her real life.

 

You have to remember - strippers make money off guys in a variety of ways. They also use guys in a variety of ways. Every guy they grind on for $50 thinks he's special and that she has feelings for him. Every guy she takes home for $100 thinks he's special and she has feelings for him.

 

Sorry to burst the bubble here, hon, but you're just another character in her game. Walk away, because there is nothing here for you.

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Yeah, I have to agree with Ariel85 and Capricorn3. What is your problem here? I got to the part where you called Scott white trash and thought: "Gee, he's calling this guy white trash, but this girl isn't?" The money issues she's having simply don't add up. Stripping is a cash business, she can make 200 bucks a night easy. I've met a few strippers and former strippers and many of them have narcissistic personalities and histrionic personalities. These personality types aren't easy to deal with. Personally I think you are dealing with a liar! Some of the things you said just don't make sense, for any reasonable person.

She's stringing you along with her story, but some of the facts she puts out sound strange. She has to move because of someone else's problem? Why can't she make them move? Just little things like that don't sound right. She either has money or is giving it to someone. But, really in all honesty, money is not the issue: your friendship with her is. If it were me I'd be out of there with bells on. Not only is she pregnant, but she lives part time with baby daddy. What does that say to you? She still has a thing with him.

 

Jump off this disaster train before you wreck!

 

Angel

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Ok that was super long and I only really skimmed it but I got the gist of it.

 

She was using you for a ride and someone to talk to to sort out her daddy issues.

 

What is so worth it about her?

 

I'm not typically one to say "Oh she's a stripper, she's bad news" but occupation or not, she has way too many issues for her to be involved with anyone level-headed.

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Why does she have to give back her leased car if she is stripping? Why did she have to leave her place and live far away with guys? These things don't add up. I have know people who work at strip clubs....sorry to say, but many of them will have sex with guys/go home with them for $200.

 

Ive seen many strippers at the bank I work at-- these ladies are full of cash- drive Benz's, and have no money problems.

 

It sounds to me like you want what you can't have. BTW, Scott is her boyfriend- now they are common-law since they will be having a kid. This girl has way too many issues.

 

Please don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like she is using you for your kindness.

 

 

She had to get rid of the car because her lease was up. She had to wait a little while to get a new car because she was getting one of the brand new ones that came out for the year. Yeah, she does have money, of course. She makes a lot of money. The reason that she was staying at her friends is because she was because she didn't want to stay at he current place because there was drama with her roommates at the time. As far as her stripping and what she does. She has been very honest with me about everything. She was even telling me that one of the girls that works there would do exactly what you said and have sex with the guys for an extra amount when she got off work. She told me that and she was calling her friend a * * * * * now because she would never do that. Some girls do that, some don't.

 

I understand that this girl has a lot of issues. And maybe that's why I'm attracted to her. It sounds dumb but that's who I get along with. And like I said, I enjoy taking care of people. Aside from her issues she is such a great person, we have had many intelligent conversations about life and everything. She just ended up getting in the wrong situations and she wants to change that and I am willing to help her change and become a better person if she is going to let me do that. I still don't know what to do, I appreciate your honesty though, it brought some things into perspective but it's still really difficult for me to just drop everything because I care a lot for her and know she's a better person than she may portray herself to be.

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Wow..

 

You sound lovely and i'm so sorry to say this but it sounds like she's using you BIGTIME.

 

From an outsiders perspective she's in love with Scott (her telling you that he "had a thing for her" was her way of planting the seeds for when she would reveal the truth later.. and to ease her own guilt about what she was clearly doing with him during her visits).

 

It's obvious that you're her second choice, as obviously Scott is standing in the way of them being together. I would go so far as to say she cried at the rose because she WISHED it had been from Scott himself. Crying at the frustration of loving someone who didn't love her, and not loving the one who lives for her (you).

 

Please stop contacting her, you're coming accross as super needy and it would be easy for her to lose respect for you if you carry on in this way.

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Okay, I've got to point out some things here because I've had many, many stripper friends.

 

Not all dancers have sex for money. A lot don't. Why would they need to? On a BAD night, one of my friends makes $1,000 cash.

 

Even when you are a stripper, you can have car/ living issues. She probably liked living with friends until all the drama, and it's impossible to get an apartment the same day you get kicked out of a place. These things take time.

 

On the other hand, many dancers get this... Mentality. They are so used to men taking advantage of them (yes, they are strippers by choice, but it's hard not to feel that way after awhile) and dealing with the attitude their sex appeal is the only thing worthwhile about them. So the girls who feel that way often get kind, caring boyfriends and take advantage of them. Payback, in a way.

 

OPs girl, though, has been stripping for less than a year. I doubt she's that jaded already.

 

OP, if you truly love her, and you are willing to grow, give up your youth to be a father figure to the baby, then stay by her side. Comfort her.

 

But you MUST realize how much of your life you will be leaving behind. Just make sure five years from now, married with a child, you don't regret your choice.

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Got to disagree with most of this, sorry.

 

I've also known a lot of strippers, and most will have sex for cash. They just don't tell people. Be realistic - if she's bending over winking the brown eye for a group of strangers, do you think she cares about taking $25 for a handjob? Nope.

 

And strippers don't have a mentality that men use them. Most have a bitter attitude towards men because they see men at their worst, and the stripper is used to using men. She's used to being objectified as a piece of meat, but it's different.

 

The OP doesn't have a choice to be with her and father her child. She is moving to be with her baby daddy.

 

Back to you, OP...

 

You are very young, so you're not quite seeing this in the large scope of life. You are still in that mindset that you can save people. What you're not getting, is that she doesn't want your help or to be saved. She's living her life just as she wants. She got pregnant after she met you, remember, so don't kid yourself that she's in love with you or that you have a future.

 

Just prepare yourself, because she's going to move back with baby daddy, and that's the end of it. You were a friend to take her to Denny's when she got out of work and wasn't out of town with her boyfriend.

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I noticed how you said you could support her twice. It's not just her... she is having a baby... baby makes 3 people total you have to take care of. Babies are expensive. I assume since she is a stripper she will be out of work for the next few months, plus the months after the baby is born.

 

Reality check: link removed

Include not getting any sleep and hearing a baby cry at all hours of the night.

 

Model? I'm sorry but if she wants to keep the child... she needs a much more stable job. I mean who would care for the child? Day care is expensive.

 

Your only 20... you seem like a sweet and caring person but it's not your kid or your responsibility. She isn't your responsibility. Caring for another mans baby is not your responsibility.

 

Okay so Scott is the guy who got her pregnant right? So she decided to live with him when she had no home? When exactly did she get pregnant... she also said they had an off and on again thing... was this while she was with you as well? Clearly she's not over him...

 

I do commend her for not staying at your house and staying at a friends. ALTHOUGH if one of those guy friends was her ex? Or same name? I'm a little confused. Anyways just bad in general something seems rather off.

 

I take it strippers don't have health insurance? Yikes! She is in for a TOUGH road ahead! Her health insurance+baby will need health insurance too. You stick with her and you may be footing some of these bills.

 

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Oh my..........

 

I agree with the others that you need to just move on. She has some massive issues in her life - stripping, pregnant, getting back with that dude. (and sorry, she won't be able to strip anymore - she'll be showing soon!!)

 

Unfortunately, I agree with the others - seems that she was using you. And I think you need to get over this thing of trying to rescue "wounded birds." She has some major issues she has to sort through on her own, you can't help her. you offered to help and she pushed you away. I would just try to move on and focus on women who have their lives together.

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The OP doesn't have a choice to be with her and father her child. She is moving to be with her baby daddy.

 

How the heck did I miss that? Huh. Well... It sounds like she's a very lost and confused girl, and if you are strong enough to be there for her emotionally, OP, I think she would probably appreciate that because it doesn't sound like she has any really good friends.

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Disagree. I'm sorry.

 

She's a stripper. It sounds like she has a lot of emotional baggage and stuff to work through. Now she's pregnant with some guy's kid. Do you really want to have to deal with all that? True fact: Even if you were to assume a father figure for this kid, do you really think that the ex will be 100% out of the picture? I don't think so.

 

Many strippers will do some sexual favours for cash on the side. As she gets older, she may have to to get the money that she needs because let's face it, youth doesn't last forever. It doesn't sound like she is doing much to advance herself ...does she plan on being a stripper her whole life? How in the hay is she going to raise a kid?

 

Don't get involved, trust me, you'll regret it. This is her mess, she needs to pick it up.

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How the heck did I miss that? Huh. Well... It sounds like she's a very lost and confused girl, and if you are strong enough to be there for her emotionally, OP, I think she would probably appreciate that because it doesn't sound like she has any really good friends.

 

She isn't moving to go live with him. I never said that. She said she may move down in that area becaus that's where her doctor is right now. She is definitely lost and confused. She obviously wasn't expecting this to happen. She was pregnant since the day I met her, she just didn't know yet.

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You are very young, so you're not quite seeing this in the large scope of life. You are still in that mindset that you can save people. What you're not getting, is that she doesn't want your help or to be saved. She's living her life just as she wants. She got pregnant after she met you, remember, so don't kid yourself that she's in love with you or that you have a future.

 

Just prepare yourself, because she's going to move back with baby daddy, and that's the end of it. You were a friend to take her to Denny's when she got out of work and wasn't out of town with her boyfriend.

 

This is real talk right here.

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She isn't moving to go live with him. I never said that. She said she may move down in that area becaus that's where her doctor is right now. She is definitely lost and confused. She obviously wasn't expecting this to happen. She was pregnant since the day I met her, she just didn't know yet.

 

Sweetie, she knew within weeks of meeting you that she was pregnant. lol. It didn't take her two months to figure that out. Or, more likely, she got pregnant well after she met you, since she's been banging baby daddy all this time anyhow.

 

You're also missing how much this girl lies.

 

She is not lost, and she is not confused. You, however, are blind to what's going on. She's not moving to be near her doctor. She's moving to be with baby daddy.

 

I wish I could cyber shake you, because you're really the one who is lost and confused her. You are acting so naively, and this girl has every potential to really wreck your life. Be warned.

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Scott is just one guy. He got her pregnant. She got pregnant with him before she met me. She wasn't cheating on me when she was with me. According to her she got drunk and had sex with him when they were dating and they just never talked about it again. She was oblivious about the fact that she was pregnant when she was talking to me. She had good intentions with our relationship. Things just happened and she found out she was pregnant and decided she didn't want to hurt me so she mentioned we should just be friends. When I talked to her about it she said she would want to be with me still. She was going out and hanging out with Scott to figure things out I'm sure and not to start a relationship with him. She actually doesn't want a relationship with Scott. She told me that herself. So that's where I am just confused and trying to gather what I should do. I still care for this girl. And I am more than positive she hasn't been using me which is what most of these posts are about.

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She is talking about moving 3 hours away so she is closer to Scott. I have a feeling she will go live with Scott because he is the dad after all.

 

OP - this is what you said about her moving. This new revelation that she's moving to be near her doctor doesn't seem to compute. You said yourself she's going to be living with baby daddy.

 

And, now that I've re-read the lengthy OP, it seems that she's already ended it and wished you well, so it doesn't really seem like there is much for you to do but move on. And find someone not quite so, um, complicated.

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OP - this is what you said about her moving. This new revelation that she's moving to be near her doctor doesn't seem to compute. You said yourself she's going to be living with baby daddy.

 

And, now that I've re-read the lengthy OP, it seems that she's already ended it and wished you well, so it doesn't really seem like there is much for you to do but move on. And find someone not quite so, um, complicated.

 

Well I types that out because that's what I feel she is going to do. It may not be why. Read my post above, she doesn't want a life with Scott. She told me herself she wants to be with me but was worried I would take it all wrong and stop talking to her. I am typing this all on my phone so it's hard to keep up but someone said earlier that she was going out there to be with her boyfriend and whatnot. That's not the case. She is way over him and when she did have sex with him it was before she met me

 

Also, 2 months into being pregnant isn't far in so it would be hard to notice. She was randomly throwing up and she more than likely missed her period so she was confused and went there to talk to him about it probably. Then she went back again the last time to go see a doctor and confirm that she is pregnant.

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She actually doesn't want a relationship with Scott. She told me that herself.

 

It sounds like she lied to you. Everything she's said is just completely fishy and not adding up. You're completely unwilling to consider that that may even be a distinct possibility??

 

Add to that the way she was talking in that last message is her trying to let you down gently.

 

And I agree.. most cluey sexually active girls would figure out they're pregnant after missing one period, which happens on average every 28 days, so maximum a month.

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