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Family has a huge impact on your relationships


gluestick

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Every family has its share of problems and drama. The environment in which you're raised has a huge effect on how you view and handle relationships.

 

I come from a family where my parents have been married for 30 years. While they've had their share of fights, they are now happy and content with everything we have today. My ex, on the other hand, comes from a family that are very loving and close, but dysfunctional. His mother suffered from years of severe depression. His dad has been working overseas for approx. the last 10 years to get away from the wife and has also been having affairs, though unbeknownst to my ex and his younger sister. My family and myself have always suspected this and confirmed it one night when I accidentally overheard my ex's mom on the phone.

 

Anyway, long story short, a lot of people say that a marriage is never between two people. When you marry someone, you marry their family and their problems too. My parents always tell me to pick guys with normal families because it's just messier if they have a lot of family drama and burdens. While I agree with this, I can't help who I fall in love with, especially when you only witness their family drama after dating for a while. Throughout the last 4 years of dating my ex, I've come to accept and love his family, but I can see where my parents are coming from. My belief in marriage is that it's forever because I have my parents as example. My ex didn't believe in marriage when we first started dating and we would constantly argue as a result of that. His dad's way of resolving conflict is by running away, so to a certain degree that sets an example for my ex. He also witnessed years of his mom's depression, so he hates any kind of drama and believes a relationship should be perfect.

 

For those of you who've dated people with dysfunctional family situations, would you agree with what my parents believe? That a relationship or marriage is between two families. How someone is raised and the family he/she is raised in can greatly influence that person's relationships. It's better to be with someone who come from a similar family because your fundamental beliefs are the same, although that's not to say that two people from two entirely different families can't make it work b/c so many couples do.

 

Please feel free give your opinions and thoughts or experiences. Thanks!

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Here's my take. Yes your parents are correct but on multiple fronts.

 

A) Yes when you marry someone who is still in contact with their family you inherit at least a portion of their problems that is directly affected by how close your spouse is to their family. If they have a dysfunctional family more than likely that is going to affect your wife and your marriage at some point if you're in contact with them.

 

B) Generally speaking a person's personality derives directly from his or her experiences while growing up. If a family is very cold or doesn't show emotion, chances are that person will inherit those traits as a result. If a family hits one another and gets into fights very often, more than likely you're going to notice that your wife/husband will pick up those traits as well.

 

This isn't a rule by any means but every girlfriend I've ever had I can tell a lot from how she grew up and how their family members treat one another. In almost every case she showed the same behaviors.

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Although my ex's family situation is a little short of desirable, that's not to say he's not a good person with good morals. Actually he's a really really great guy who would do anything for his family. It's just his family is too important in his life that he has little room for anything else. While after 4 years I've come to accept it, it still irks me when he wants to take his mom along with us on our valentines day celebration b/c he doesn't want to leave her alone in the house.

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When you marry someone, you marry their family and their problems too. My parents always tell me to pick guys with normal families because it's just messier if they have a lot of family drama and burdens.

 

Yes and no. It depends on how your guy balances his priorities between his parents/siblings and his immediate family affairs. There are some people who cut their families out or their families are barely present.

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Yes and no. It depends on how your guy balances his priorities between his parents/siblings and his immediate family affairs. There are some people who cut their families out or their families are barely present.

 

I think it's safe to say that my ex's family will always be the most important priority in his life. I'm not sure if I've already accept and come to terms with this fact or maybe, as my parents put it, "dodged a bullet" with him breaking up with me. In any case, his future gf or wife would have to deal with this now.

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