Rah25 Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Hi all, I've been here before. I posted about my Drug addicted/Alcoholic boyfriend who I met a little over a year ago. We met through a friend, we made plans to hang out - and offcourse, he bailed everytime. Until I finally had him spend a few days with me, and we just hit it off. I felt a strange connection with him I haven't felt with anyone before. We could talk, we laughed, we had crazy chemistry, he was smart...but something seemed off....He wasn't clean, had a bad odour, didn't seem like he showered much, drank loads of coffee, and seemed oddly withdrawn. He told me he was a recovering drug addict and had been sober for about 2 years. Obviously, I soon realized he wasn't sober, had been doing cocaine for the two weeks we had been seeing each other - and all the times before. I told him I didn't think I could be with him, and a day later realized that was harsh and wanted to give him a chance - hoping to 'help' him...the infamous 'helping a guy syndrome.' Needlesss to say the last 12 months were hell. He was oddly controlling, disappeared numerous weekends to do coke, fell asleep in his drug dealers bed - someone he used to have a crush on, blamed me for being crazy and out of control when I sat at home balling because I couldn't locate my boyfriend....(mind you, I can't myself for the life of me understand why it hurts so bad)....and was very very very selfish in bed. Not too mention all the little lies....the broken promises...i waited for him on his birthday at home hoping to spend the night with him, to get a phone call an hour before breaking up with me becuase I wasn't what he wanted and we couldn't work ..... waited for him to message me or call me on my birthday - which didn't happen, and he said 'babe the night ends at midnight...' also waited for the infamous surprise I was getting for my birthday...didn't get it. Sadly enough, he was still sweet for a few moments.....I just keep missing him now that we've broken up for a few weeks. I'm remembering the guy who left me to go do blow with some firends of his, who all called me crazy for trying to 'control' him.....and remember him coming outside my door at 3 am, with my favourite chocolate bar sitting there for 20 minutes, high, hoping I'd open the door....and I wish he'd be outside again so I could open the door and just hug him. It breaks my heart picturing him doing coke, picturing his come downs and how much it must hurt. He's held his job for 3 months now which is amazing - it's the longest job he's held in 2 years....and I know his goal is to become a 'functioning' addict. and over the last couple of weeks we have broken up he's been able to do it. Coke on the weekends...and work during the week. And I guess it breaks my heart knowing, he'd rather do coke than have me in his life. He'd want me around if we had done coke, or drank a lot, or smoked pot together...but because that hasn't happened I'm not special enough. I ended it with him..so I know I can't complain....but I miss him. and I feel oddly betrayed. I feel worthless, and meaningless. If I can't be enough to a guy who hasn't ever been loved...how am I supposed to feel? Yet, I have all these guys going crazy over me on the side, and I just wonder......does everyone just want to sleep with me....can I be girlfriend worthy... I'm confused and sad. I thought I'd post this out there. Maybe it all doesn't make sense. I'm just sad I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.