Rah25 Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Hi all, I've been here before. I posted about my Drug addicted/Alcoholic boyfriend who I met a little over a year ago. We met through a friend, we made plans to hang out - and offcourse, he bailed everytime. Until I finally had him spend a few days with me, and we just hit it off. I felt a strange connection with him I haven't felt with anyone before. We could talk, we laughed, we had crazy chemistry, he was smart...but something seemed off....He wasn't clean, had a bad odour, didn't seem like he showered much, drank loads of coffee, and seemed oddly withdrawn. He told me he was a recovering drug addict and had been sober for about 2 years. Obviously, I soon realized he wasn't sober, had been doing cocaine for the two weeks we had been seeing each other - and all the times before. I told him I didn't think I could be with him, and a day later realized that was harsh and wanted to give him a chance - hoping to 'help' him...the infamous 'helping a guy syndrome.' Needlesss to say the last 12 months were hell. He was oddly controlling, disappeared numerous weekends to do coke, fell asleep in his drug dealers bed - someone he used to have a crush on, blamed me for being crazy and out of control when I sat at home balling because I couldn't locate my boyfriend....(mind you, I can't myself for the life of me understand why it hurts so bad)....and was very very very selfish in bed. Not too mention all the little lies....the broken promises...i waited for him on his birthday at home hoping to spend the night with him, to get a phone call an hour before breaking up with me becuase I wasn't what he wanted and we couldn't work ..... waited for him to message me or call me on my birthday - which didn't happen, and he said 'babe the night ends at midnight...' also waited for the infamous surprise I was getting for my birthday...didn't get it. Sadly enough, he was still sweet for a few moments.....I just keep missing him now that we've broken up for a few weeks. I'm remembering the guy who left me to go do blow with some firends of his, who all called me crazy for trying to 'control' him.....and remember him coming outside my door at 3 am, with my favourite chocolate bar sitting there for 20 minutes, high, hoping I'd open the door....and I wish he'd be outside again so I could open the door and just hug him. It breaks my heart picturing him doing coke, picturing his come downs and how much it must hurt. He's held his job for 3 months now which is amazing - it's the longest job he's held in 2 years....and I know his goal is to become a 'functioning' addict. and over the last couple of weeks we have broken up he's been able to do it. Coke on the weekends...and work during the week. And I guess it breaks my heart knowing, he'd rather do coke than have me in his life. He'd want me around if we had done coke, or drank a lot, or smoked pot together...but because that hasn't happened I'm not special enough. I ended it with him..so I know I can't complain....but I miss him. and I feel oddly betrayed. I feel worthless, and meaningless. If I can't be enough to a guy who hasn't ever been loved...how am I supposed to feel? Yet, I have all these guys going crazy over me on the side, and I just wonder......does everyone just want to sleep with me....can I be girlfriend worthy... I'm confused and sad. I thought I'd post this out there. Maybe it all doesn't make sense. I'm just sad I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klokwurk Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Yes you are girlfriend worthy. You seem like a very nice, caring person who put up with a very negative type of person for a long time. Maybe it is because there were so many bad moments that the good ones seemed genuine. That's what I felt in my last relationship... And yes you seem sad. I know when drugs are involved, life can seem tragic and with tragedy it can endear everything to a very sensitive place in our hearts... Tragedy is beautiful in some ways. But it just couldn't go on like that - I am sorry he didn't realize what he had. He coulda had it all with a girl like you. And yea, a lot of dudes just might want sex and be OUT! Those guys are a dime a dozen. Actually so are guys who want a big meaningful relationship. Guys are a dime a dozen, but I probably have a bad perspective because I am a guy. You should grieve. Grieve. It is * * * * ing sad when people we love leave us. (he left you hanging for drugs) Don't feel worthless. You are not worthless. You were so damn sweet to this dude, and he couldn't appreciate it. I am sorry you are going through this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trellabor Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Whoa, whoa whoa...there is someone who has a problem here and it's not you. You are NOT a failure for not being able to help him, he had that problem before you and he still has it now. It's hard, but until he realizes FOR HIMSELF he needs to drop that habit there is nobody, even you, that can help him. You did everything you could it sounds like and you certainly deserve better. Do not beat yourself up about it, trying to figure out/solve our exSO's problems is a no win situation. You tried, and that makes you better than a lot of other people believe it or not. Chin up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klokwurk Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Oh yea, and to that idea how can you be worth anything if you couldnt be enough for a guy who has never been loved.... Well, he has been loved, by coke. Retracing your post, he did a * * * * ton of * * * * ty things. I remember when my ex forgot my birthday. Two years in a row. That hurt like hell. She didnt even have the excuse of being on a drug. She was just self-centered. Yea, forget that guy, he made a year of hell for you. There are nice people out there, and they will strangely come into your life when you are feeling good again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
offplanet Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Don't be thinking you're not special enough. He can't help it. You shouldn't expect him to be able to treat you properly because he can't do it with his addictions. You have set yourself up to be let down, by getting involved with an addict! I used to do that when I was young. Bad boys can be very appealing! But the relationships will be filled with drama and disappointment, joy and pain both. If you can handle that, keep on with it! If not, go for a different type of man next time, and don't be so long-suffering! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clio Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Google 'codependency'. According to what you have written YOU CHOSE to go after a guy who kept bailing on you. You pursued him despite all the red flags until you 'had him' do what you wanted and then kept on blindly emotionally investing in him. You were treated badly 99% of the time and YOU still CHOSE to stay. You are responsible for your choices. You WERE trying to control him. The fact that it was 'for his own good' does not change that fact. Somehow you felt that if you were able to 'save' him that would make you feel more 'worthy'. You have some serious issues of your own that you need to deal with. The only life you have control over is your OWN. You ARE worthy but you need to believe it yourself and start treating YOURSELF as such by making healthier choices in the future. What others think about your worth is secondary to what YOU think. Remember that you are responsible for your choices. Don't beat yourself up for the wrong ones -we all make mistakes- but DO learn from them. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RubyWoo Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 I know how you feel soooo well. My ex did weed all the time. And just recently broke up with me because he needs "to get his * * * * together" (meaning he needs to go out more with his single mates, to drink in bars and pick up girls, and I get in the way) I think he might have done coke as well, since most his friends do it, and I know how he acts when he drinks... The pain is horrible because if you know that drugs will ruin everything you just want to hold him and see the person you know he could be. My ex did absolutely NO DRUGS during the first two years of our relationship and it was perfect. Then it all went downhill, more fights, mood swings, lies... I really hope you find someone who can love you and appreciate the loving person you are. You are girlfriend material, everyone is BUT to the right person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
66307 Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 I really hope you find someone who can love you and appreciate the loving person you are. You are girlfriend material, everyone is BUT to the right person. I agree, but I am also more open minded and think that if people are able to love each other with passion, no matter how different they are, and not right for each other, if they want to and are willing to, they can resolve their differences and be together, happier than ever.. Well not in this case thought. I hate drugs and am not willing to put up with it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alvinsmith Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Of course yes, every woman has its own personality, has its own worth. don't be too pitty about the past, just go on with your life and do what is right. as long as you never do nothing, worry not. Find any activities where in you can divert your attention -Alvin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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