Jane00 Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 I know that maybe I'm being too pessimistic. My ex-boyfriend cheated on me with his ex and left me 3 months ago. He would still text me for the first week but after that he seemed to forget about me completely. It feels like our relationship never meant anything to him. I am feeling better each day but I am still going through the emotional rollercoaster of love, hate, anger, and indifference. I have to admit that a part of me wishes I could be with him again, even though I know he has horrible flaws and I could find someone much better! It doesn't make sense. I find myself still crying everyday, missing him, wishing I could have him by my side again, wondering what he's doing. I thought I was already getting better but I think I saw him today driving her truck and all those emotions came back again. I don't know how I would feel if I saw him (or her). Can you ever be truly indifferent to someone you were once deeply in love with? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Absolutely, it happens for most. In time you will be indifferent. Why do we desire people that treat us like garbage because we have low self-esteem and are seeking validation. When your self-worth returns, you will not have time for this type of man and seek people with respect and character. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Indeed, eventually you'll care as much as you care for some random guy halfway around the world. It just takes time. Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 You are not necessarily missing him, as you know you deserve better. You are missing the relationship, before the cheating behavior. Which means you are missing the ideal of what you thought he was --- not the man he truly is --- because he was capable of cheating on you. In theory, that should make it easier to get over him and find someone who deserves your love and commitment. But that's theory - not reality. Time will heal you --- and in the meantime, realize that you dodged a big bullet. Link to comment
AvonRepus Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Memories are vivid the first few months after a break-up and you relive every moment, savouring the good parts and glossing over the bad. You erect a shrine for your ex in your mind, unconsciously holding on to him and not letting go. And that's normal.It will fade with time.Time is your best friend now. You don't need your sh*t of an ex. I am going through the same thing. What was I thinking? There's no justifying their behavior. We are the one that got away. Time helps , it heals my wounds slowly but stable. But I have decided if I am pinning over it for a long time ,I might seek professional help or well one royally good f*ck. Link to comment
beacon Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 My break up was surrounded with mystery, meaning she gave me no real reasons other than things like "it just didn't work out" which is not something you say after a couple of years together. And this was after I was the one to initiate the BU conversation because she was too cowardly. A month and a half later, we met for lunch the day before I initiated NC and then was a bit shallow and really didn't want to discuss us very much. I've since learned some things about her but I have no concrete closure, only speculation and acceptance. The point I'm reaching is at least you have something concrete to work with. There is no speculation in your case. You know you need to move past him after what he's done. You have to know that he isn't the one if you have all of these facts. I wish I had more facts other than the fact that she sucked immensely at the end. That should be enough... Link to comment
Moonchill Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 For me? No I can't be absolutely indifferent. It's different though.. I still care about all the men that have been in my love life and I do wish them all the best. For example my first ex boyfriend. He moved to another land and is engaged with a girl he's very very in love with. How I feel about it? I feel happy for him! Really happy! Because I care about him and I want him to live his life the way that makes him happy. Maybe someday you will get past the hurt, the anger, the wroth, the dissapointment. Someday you will look back at this and think to yourself * If he had the guts, he would acknowledge the hurt he put me through. But he's only human and he's afraid, he makes mistakes. I can forgive him now because I'm no longer hurt and I can understand why our relationship would not have lasted even if he were faithfull to me. I can understand things weren't allright anyhow and we are just not a good match. Thanks to him f*cking up. I opened my eyes and made room for someone else in my life. Someone that's better for me. And I wish he learns from his mistakes and will be a better boyfriend to the girl that's a better match for him* Link to comment
beacon Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 This is exactly where I'm trying to be. I do care for her and want her to be happy, but I have to keep out of contact with her now because of the roller coaster. I don't want to make things worse by being up and down. When the time comes, I will be able to know her again, just in a different way. I know she really values me as a person, but we just couldn't be together. Today is our anniversary, btw... Link to comment
Eocsor Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Most get to indifference in time. A few hold onto their hurt for a lifetime though. Some people are just built that way. Link to comment
Moonchill Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 This is exactly where I'm trying to be. I do care for her and want her to be happy, but I have to keep out of contact with her now because of the roller coaster. I don't want to make things worse by being up and down. When the time comes, I will be able to know her again, just in a different way. I know she really values me as a person, but we just couldn't be together. Today is our anniversary, btw... You'll get there Beacon It's a long road. It took me a long time to actually wish him the best without fooling myself. It took like.. 1,5 years of totally no contact. He really had a hard time moving on from me. I used to be his weak spot you know. First I did not respect his wish for No Contact but after some time I took to think about it.. I did respect it. And it was so good for him! I am so proud he is no not longer longing for me. I am so proud he absolutely moved on from me because now we are EQUAL if you know what I mean. Really.. If you move on from your ex, it makes your ex respect you more instead of hanging around and not moving on and trying lots of times to get her back. Though moving on is the tough part. Like Chris Martin sings so beautifullly "The hardest part was letting go, not taking part. You really broke my heart". Link to comment
beacon Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Thank you, Moon. Lately, I have been handling my business and pressing forward, but this week has made me a bit weak. I miss the good stuff. Link to comment
Jane00 Posted October 4, 2011 Author Share Posted October 4, 2011 Thank you guys for all your responses! I am getting better little by little, and I'm doing a lot of things that I wouldn't be doing if I was still with him; going to the gym, learning German, spending more time with friends and family... It's just that I often have those moments of weakness where I feel like I've lost the love of my life (I know he's not though), and I seem to 'forget' how bad he really is and start missing the ideal man that he appeared to be. I really appreciate your words of encouragement. It helps me stay focused and not feel the urge to contact him. Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I am in a far better situation from my breakup after 3 months. I was in love with my ex of 3 years. The best thing is to start transferring the WHAT IF and WHAT THEY WERE and WHY away from your mind, and just chalk it up as experience. These W--- questions will do no good, you already sapped all the thoughts and cycled all the ideas and everything out of them. Let those thoughts die as soon as they manifest. Its a death, the person of now is not the person of back then, so mourn the death, and deaths do not get questioned forever, they just are and they just happen. Start focusing on you. I know this is cliche, but the greatest comeback is when the person betters themselves, even in small ways. Be proud of yourself and love yourself for all the small things you want and have accomplished. Link to comment
Jane00 Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 The best thing is to start transferring the WHAT IF and WHAT THEY WERE and WHY away from your mind, and just chalk it up as experience. I am FINALLY starting to be able to do that. I have finally taken him off the pedestal and each day I care less and less about what he thinks of me. It's been incredibly difficult and painful, but fortunately I'm starting to fully accept the fact that I am better without him and I'm focusing more on the positive aspects of this experience. After all I did learn a lot and became a wiser and stronger woman because of it. Again, thank you all for your replies. Link to comment
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