can a woman stop loving her longtime partner in weeks?

[NICEMAN99]

here is the story!

dont know if its in the right section.

i was married to my wife for over 14 years we have 2 beautiful daughters ,we met when she was 19 and i was 23

i worked 2 jobs so she can go to school and she has done very good. a year ago she got a job offer and got me scared but told her to take it

anyways

over the 14 years i took alot of weight about 40 pounds i would say...and still have the same job when i met her.

our life has been good besides the fact that we almost never took time for ourselfs(she asked manytimes )im more of a family kind of men , and love my family so vacations(there were many)but they were always with our kids.

last june she cheated with a coworker and i found out...she begged not to split up she didnt want to lose me etc...but she wasnt being honest.

cause a week later she asked for time appart so she can think things out.

immediately after i left she called this other guy and they starting to see each other on a regular basis.

long story short!!!! 2 months after separation (divorce papers were filled 3 weeks after separation)she start telling me things like

-im not sure im doing the right thing(with the divorce)

-many times i wanted to get back but dont know how..

-i cant live without you,but going back with you will be a failure on my acts.

 

last weekend was her birthday and i told her that i love her but i will stop calling her ,texting her and will stop answering her call and texts.

told her that i still love her but im fedup of thisand i asked this question.

DO YOU STILL LOVE ME ? DO YOU MISS ME?

her answer was!!!!

I DONT KNOW

I KNOW I GOT SO USED TO BE WITH YOU THAT I DONT KNOW HOW TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU.

BUT IS IT LOVE DONT KNOW.

WE were a regular couple almost never fight and happy in a way.

she even say that now

her words!!! LIFE WITH YOU WAS NEVER HELL YOU WERE THERE FOR ME ALL THE TIME..SURE THERE WERE THINGS THAT I DIDNT LIKE BUT YOU ARE A VERY GOOD GUY..

3 weeks before she cheated on me we went shoping for an inground swimming pool and half way the works we split up.

how can you shop for a 30 k swimming pool if things are not working out as a couple?????

anyways all i want to know

is WOMEN TELLING ME IS IT POSSIBLE TO STOP LOVING SOMEONE IN THAT SHORT PERIOD OF TIME?

[Eocsor]

She didn't fall out of you in that short a time. It happened over a much longer period and you just weren't aware her feelings were changing. People can't turn off feelings at ther drop of a hat. Usually what happens is over a period of time a partner becomes dissatified with a relationship and slowly starts to check out. They may drop subtle hints that they are unhappy that are missed or ignored by their partner. And then one day, when they've had enough, they make up their mind to leave. It comes as a shock and something of a surprise to their partner, but they in reality, have been thinking about leaving for a long time.

[NICEMAN99]

SO YOU THINK IS OVER?

its right ? cause when i ask she says stuff like.

i dont know? i would say im 50% sure is finish

but there is a 50% that is not

AND it looks im hanging on that 50%

and i should just move on.

but i love that woman (even though it wont work too much pain has been done)

is hard letting go AS I SAID IM A FAMILY MAN and letting go this relationship means ill never be with my whole family again.

[thejigsup]

Okay, I'm a woman and I will tell you what is most likely going on. Mistake number one on your part is that you took her for granted. That will kill a woman's love for you slowly, but surely. You may be a family man, and that is good, but by ignoring the "woman/goddess/sexy living thing" side of her and relegating her to "mom" status, you blew it. She was probably losing her love for you for a long time but stayed with you for the kid's sake, plus she didn't HATE you, she just didn't feel LOVED by you. Now, she meets a guy who makes her feel sexy and alive for the first time in years. WOW! She had forgotten how that felt. She tried to give him up for the sake of your marriage and family, but being considered important for once led her away for good. Mistake number two, and this is a big one: You are pressuring her like a spoiled child (sorry) who ignored the woman in her for years and now DEMANDS answers. They will not be coming for quite awhile, maybe never, unless you change your game. Give it a little time and then wine her, dine her, and court her all over again. If she goes for this, you have a good shot at getting her back because you are that father of her children and that give you a big edge. BUT, he is treating her like a WOMAN, not a mom. That gives him an edge. I won't predict this one, but I will say that women want to feel loved and wanted and treasured. Get going on doing just that!

[endy]

The above I agree with. She lost attraction for you. Women need to be at their feminine core to feel loved and to feel the relationship is a loving relationship. They like to feel attractive, they like to feel loved constantly. When those needs are not being met... some women will stick in there for awhile like she did. Some will stick in there forever.

 

Your marriage was probably missing that for a long time. I would also venture to say a lot of men go through this. A lot of relationships are like this. Get the book the way of the superior man., and then get reconciliation by Thich Nhat Hahn. I have a book thread where there are a couple of books about understanding women more. Seriously the above advice is pretty much spot on.

 

What happened was she lost attraction for you and didn't feel love. To me as a man... Our responsibility in a relationship is to respect a woman. Respect and adore her feminine energy of love. Take care of it and keep it balanced so she feels loved as much as possible. That first book above describes how to do that.

[greywolf]

I agree with this. Not that what she did is justified. What she did was wrong, but if you want things to work out, you do have to work on fulfilling more of her needs.

[NICEMAN99]

Quick follow up on this thread ... We got back had another son now 2 years old .... We went out , vacations dining etc fall in love with another guy once again ... And the story started all over again ...... Exactly the same just the name of the guy is different

[Ms Darcy]

Perhaps the lesson here is to not get back with a cheater.

[miss_sunshine]

I agree that sometimes we might take a partner for granted and they chose the look elsewhere for that affection but it is certainly not that persons fault when their partner cheats. That is just ridiculous!

 

A real man/woman who has been in a very long term relationship who was a decent person should talk about these issues with their partner. I think it is more about being with someone who does not communicate than anything you did wrong. And I have learnt that if someone leaves you once let them go. I will never make that mistake again.

 

It really annoys me when people make excuses for the cheaper/dumper and say you did x, y, z wrong. How is that fair? Aren't they in the wrong for being with you that long, making you think eveything is ok, using you up and then just leaving/cheating when it suits them.

[okiedokiestomp]

She doesn't communicate well and when she feels you aren't giving her what she wants, she shows a propensity to cheat instead of working on whatever the issues are within the relationship. Those are fatal flaws. Let her go, you deserve better.