The types that are attracted to you...

[Dougie_D]

I'm not sure what "league" I'm in when people say "go for someone in your league". What does that mean exactly? The same weight? The same age? The same type of attractiveness?

 

But every girl has a specific type. It's possible that these girls that are "in my league" are just not attracted to me or don't like me for some reason.

 

Basically, I'm thinking I don't need to look for these girls but rather be in situations where these girls are looking for me...which is their type.

 

For example: I'm not considered a fit person or a model type. Obviously, it will be extremely hard for me to meet a girl at a club who surrounds herself with these type of guys.

 

Maybe I need to be part of a certain stereotype? Maybe that's what have been my problem all along? I don't look like a metal/punk guy but I grew up listening to that music. I don't have tattoos or anything. I wear polos and just regular t-shirts.

[sjjohnson89]

It should not be about looks, as in, it shouldnt be the be all and end all of a relationship. Yea sure, a lot of couples get together based of attraction, but, its not that physical attraction which keeps the relationship going long term. My advice is to not go changing who you are by being someone else, like wearing clothes that you dont want to wear. That being said, a person has to always make an effort, if they are comfortable in a bin liner i think there might be a problem, unless of course you can find someone which likes that (bound to be people out there that do) lol, but, if you like polos and regular t-shirts there is nothing wrong with that. Really, the best thing you can do as i just said, is simply make an effort, show that you have some self respect, if you put accross that you have a 'dont care' attitude towards yourself will be less attractive to others. make sure your always wearing clean clothes, that you are clean, try to be as positive with yourself as you can.

 

About the infamous comment 'go for someone in your own league', well, people generally are referring to things like financial income, attractiveness on a skin deep level, age groups etc. That is certainly the common format with casual dating, as, when there is nothing deep connecting two people they tend to become more shallow in what they look for, not all people. I think this also applies to standards, people say this comment to you about league, do you set 'high' standards with women on an 'aesthetic' level? Really, to find a successful and loving long term relationship, looks wont really even be a factor. What happens when you get old? Even the most 'beautiful' people on the planet get old and lose their looks, its a short term thing. A genuine relationship is based of a deep connection that attaches two people with a practically unbreakable knot, a relationship is filled with challenges, its different for each couple and individual and these wont be overcome if the bond is mere skin deep.

 

Basically, be open and aware and always try to make yourself as presentable as possible as much of the time as you can, you never know when you will meet her/him. Just continue to be yourself, do what you like to do, your hobbies etc and one day you will find someone that shares something with you that hits a place deep inside you. Dont go into lock down waiting for this girl to find you, if you do this you will likely still be in lock down and lack awareness to the point that you wouldnt know her if she hit you with a barge pole (not literally lol). Im saying walk your path and someone oneday will cross paths with you which you share a mutual attraction with, it will likely be when youre not expecting it.

[ApocalypseDreams]

The whole "league" thing doesn't make much sense to me and I find it a bit shallow because it generally is tossed around when talking about appearance I find.

 

I think in essence (and my interpretation of it) is "look for someone who brings to the table the same attributes as you do". If someone is obese, inactive, uneducated homebody then perhaps a fit, high energy, post doc educated outdoor type might not be the most realistic choice for pursuit.

 

I'm still not a fan of a term such as a "league" though. Pretty degrading to be putting people into leagues.

[Day_Walker]

What people seem to mean when they talk about leagues, are stick to women who have the same level of attractiveness as you. This means that you have to know how attractive you are and only go for girls who are around your level of attractiveness.

[twentiesgirl86]

I've never understood the 'league' thing for myself (as in what league I would fit in, because I have no idea where I fit in), or what my type is. I'm assuming a man who is really hot and fit would be out of my league I guess. However, I've had many crushes in my life. And there has never been an exact 'type' I go for. I've gone for guys other people consider to be ugly, though I didn't see it, I've gone for overweight men, I was even really attracted to a guy who was shorter than me and I usually don't like shorter men. I've always actually tried to avoid the really hot guys because I know they would rather have a model looking girl, but I have fallen for a couple now. I am very attracted to a man right now who is 11 years older, very good-looking and that is the type of guy my friends would all tell me is so far out of my league it isn't even funny. In fact, I was told that the other day. Although I fell for him after I got to know him, about a year of knowing him. I always knew he was hot, but I didn't give much thought until we spent time together.

 

The only thing these guys have in common are their personalities. They all know how to have fun, they like to drink, they are funny, they don't take * * * * from anyone, and will tell people how it is. I have no respect for a guy who is a complete pushover. I almost got in a relationship with one, just because I felt like I was never going to meet anyone. I've never been in a relationship before. However, it just annoyed me how he was such a push over and did whatever people told him to do. The guy I like now will tell people how it is, all the time and I never feel offended by it. When he gives advice he is very blunt. This is the type I have always gone for, the ones I like a lot. He just told me off last week because he thought I did something really stupid and wasted my time doing it, and it didn't bother me at all. He wanted to know why I felt I should do something the hard way rather than do something the simple way. It seems to annoy him whenever I do something that might screw me over, and he'll try to stop me before I can. I don't exactly think things through.

 

So I guess I have a certain personality type, I don't know for a physical type but everyone tells me I have to go for someone based on attractive level. So someone like the guy I like now is too hot for me. So I don't know. I can't help who I like. I might get over him tomorrow and fall hard for a guy with a similar personality but who is overweight. Who knows.

[halved]

Looks are very important in this world, everyone knows this from experience. When I was younger I had the most unfortunate set of looks a young girl could have...greasy skin, hairy, disgusting acne, braces, glasses, gawky, skinny, built like a boy, dressed like a boy (total tomboy), oh and my family was poor. People treat you the way you look. They'll ask you if you're a lesbian. Run straight up to you, call you ugly, laugh and run away. This is the real world.

 

When my acne faded, braces came off, wore contacts, learned how to dress well, life got better, opportunities opened.

 

I'll be straight with you (this is coming from someone who was for real straight up uggggly), if that's you in your picture I can see why girls wouldn't want to date you. You look like an older guy who's trying to look younger and hip, someone's Dad going through a midlife crisis. That is NOT sexy.

 

Shave that beard off, makes you look old. Your hair is spiky in a weird way. Just take out most of the gel, part it on your left side and give it some volume. If you know any girls IRL they can help you with this. As for your outfit, it's just so generic, like you work at Best Buy or something. Do you want to look like that? Like a bored sales associate? You're better off wearing a plain colored t shirt that fits your body, dark jeans, and some nice pair of shoes, maybe Converse, Pumas, Adidas, mocassins or Sperrys. You don't have to spend a lot of money to look good, clean, classy and stylish.

 

Now you might say to me, why do i have to change, what is wrong with my looks? I WANT to look like this. People who don't like it can stuff it. Well, that's fine. Don't change. BUT, I will say this. Looking beyond what you are wearing and what you are doing to your hair, I see a perfectly good looking person, perhaps could stand to lose a few pounds. You are doing damage to your natural good looks with your hairstyle, beard and clothing choices. Why fight nature? Why not try to dress in such a way to enhance yourself and not detract? Ive helped many skeptical people dress and groom better, and after they received tons of compliments from friends and strangers, they questioned why they ever wanted to look the way they did before.

[Dougie_D]

Thanks for telling me I'm an old man! Hahaha! I've took advice before and shaved. Every single time they say "Yeah, sorry, you look better w/ the beard" I have a double chin, the beard hides it.

 

Yes, I do believe I need to work on my style and fashion. I've had girls pick out some of my outfits...I'm actually wearing dark blue jeans and she picked out the navy polo. My friend styled my hair that way, said it looked good.

 

I honestly feel like nothing will make me more attractive though. I truly believe it's just MY FACE. My parents wanted me to get plastic surgery when I was in High School.

[Alezia]

Do you feel you are going for all types of women regardless of looks? Or are you finding yourself to dismiss them on physical criteria such as weight, style etc... The reason I've asked is I've noticed some average looking guys, such as yourself go repetitively only after the barmaid or high maintenance type girls. They get rejected time after time and cannot understand why.

[sjjohnson89]

Thanks for telling me I'm an old man! Hahaha! I've took advice before and shaved. Every single time they say "Yeah, sorry, you look better w/ the beard" I have a double chin, the beard hides it.

 

Yes, I do believe I need to work on my style and fashion. I've had girls pick out some of my outfits...I'm actually wearing dark blue jeans and she picked out the navy polo. My friend styled my hair that way, said it looked good.

 

I honestly feel like nothing will make me more attractive though. I truly believe it's just MY FACE. My parents wanted me to get plastic surgery when I was in High School.

 

Youre not an old man lol, though, what the poster was saying was basically it comes of like youre going out of you way to look as such. There are things you can do to make yourself more 'attractive', its not all about your physical appearance, a lot of it is in attitude and just making sure how you look is as clean and presentable as you can be. The fact that your parents wanted you to have plastic surgery is not very nice, i think, this kind of comment is something youre taking into your attitude, thats my guess. If you feel like your worthless, if you feel like youre not this and that etc, it WILL give out a vibe to someone else. I think, this is it really, i believe its mostly down to your attitude, i think you just need to be natural and comfortable with yourself, also women tend to really respond well to caring when thinking of long term partners.

 

On a side not, i think your hair looks like someone 'trying' to be young, thats what it gives of to me, it looks scrappy and 'just got out of bed' which will translate with some people as you not having much self respect or self worth. I think as well, making your wardrobe a little more varied like say with colour, dont just stick to blacks dark blues and grays etc, mix these with clothes say in red or light blues. Another thing you may want to consider as well, is maybe pursuing something active? Some people like to jog as its free as well as being great exercise, which, can help with ones overall well being. Maybe youve had an interest in a certain sport but never pursued it. If you dont want to thats fine, just another option thats all. People who do some kind of sport or fitness activity often are healthier than those who dont, but, diet is just as important, eating well counts for a lot.

[Dougie_D]

Do you feel you are going for all types of women regardless of looks? Or are you finding yourself to dismiss them on physical criteria such as weight, style etc...

 

I am going after all types of girls. I've asked out NUMEROUS chubby women and a lot of these girls have the attitude of "I'm not interested in you because I can do better" One even said "I got a boyfriend."...but that was such a lie, because the next day this same girl was trying to hook up with my roommate. That's cool and everything, but these girls didn't even give me the slightest chance.

 

I have to look attractive. Bottom line. I joined the gym. I've been drinking less beer and drinking lots of water. I'm actually going to jog/run in about an hour or so!

I know that I'm going the right direction to lose some weight.

 

I just get a little depressed because I've seen BIGGER guys than me hook up.

[sjjohnson89]

I am going after all types of girls. I've asked out NUMEROUS chubby women and a lot of these girls have the attitude of "I'm not interested in you because I can do better" One even said "I got a boyfriend."...but that was such a lie, because the next day this same girl was trying to hook up with my roommate. That's cool and everything, but these girls didn't even give me the slightest chance.

 

I have to look attractive. Bottom line. I joined the gym. I've been drinking less beer and drinking lots of water. I'm actually going to jog/run in about an hour or so!

I know that I'm going the right direction to lose some weight.

 

I just get a little depressed because I've seen BIGGER guys than me hook up.

 

Youve seen 'bigger' guys than you hook up because of attitude, but, i can see your attitude wont change without you seeing some physical changes so yes youre on the right track. I think being more active, will, make you feel healthy and more attractive as well as literally making you more healthy, this will in itself give you more self confidence, which, will translate to making you more attractive. I think its a good idea to cut down on the beer yes, try to drink as much water as you can in a day to (not literally flooding yourself though lol) as that will do wonders long term, its very good for your complexion.

[xyzzzz]

u will see lots of bigger guys hooking up. you will also see lots of uglier guys hooking up . we all see it. we walk on street and can see tons of really average or even below average looking couples. so it's not all about looks.more importantly about your life style or living habits or personality. if you are lazy,messy,dirty,poor,not-driven that can be very unattractive.

[CMS]

Alright dude I am going to say this to you again, its not about looks (it helps if you have it), its more about personality, humor, confidence and social competence to get a girl to attract to you. So start reading books such as "The ways of superior man" by David Deida and practice what it teaches, start radiate confidence (fake it if you have to), adopt a non-chalant attitude and you will see a lot better results.

 

Sounds to me like you have self esteem issue and women can sense it. Work on that and you should do better

[Alezia]

Looks play a big part, but there is just only so much you can do about them - good hygiene, clothes, haircut, cologne, healthy weight etc... You can be the prettiest person, which will draw you many suitors - but if you can't follow up with substance and confidence, then it will not serve you to any good.

 

As I said in the past, I think you just need to get out there and meet as many people as possible - men, women, single, married etc... Learn to be confident in your own skin, take up interests - once you're there, pieces of the puzzle will fit into place much more smoothly. You're attempting to solve a jigsaw as if it was one giant piece.