sonypirates Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 I was fully in the process of moving on and following the general rules to win the ex back. Her mom started talking to me however and told me *extremely positive* things about my chances of getting her back even though she's seeing someone. My ex and her mom are very close and they talk all the time about everything. Her mom went into very specific details about my chances and there is no reason not to believe she is sincere. Without going into extensive detail into our entire background, should I start to act on her mom's advice? I've basically asked every female I'm close with (from 20's-50's) and from telling them the entire story they say I have amazing chances and should actively pursue her. They say it's obvious she wants to hear from me and is basically just waiting for me to come in and show her what I had previous apprehensions about. That is the main thing with us. My ex felt she was putting in most of the work and I had been holding back, this is what keeps me on the fence about following the general guidelines to getting an ex back. I'm not exactly sure what I'm seeking advice on here since you don't have the full story. Maybe I'm just looking for any possible reinforcement to what my friends have said. Ever since her mom told me so many things I've been so incredibly optimistic about fixing things. Tonight for some reason though I'm just feeling very hesitant on this approach or even my chances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LDRohnos Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Only one way to find out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Tell her Mom that you will not make any advances while she is going out with someone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaysmaury Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 I would think her mother doesn't speak for her. It is just heresay unless it comes from her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeepman41 Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 If she wants to be with you she will find her way back but she has to want it enough to act on it. Ways and actions speak more volume than words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 It could be that Mom really wants to see you back together. The daughter may or may not. I think it is inappropriate for someone to be in the middle of a relationship. It casts the mother as a manipulator and it also breaks any confidence the mother an daughter have between eachother. I suggest you don't respond to the mom AT ALL, or if you must tell her that its nice of her to think that way, but you are broken up right now and you have both moved on. You are working on healing an her daughter is with someone new. Thanks for thinking of you, an you wish her the best. You need to keep your breakup or any future relationship - IF ANY - between you and her daughter, and not in a triangle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 She is in a relatinship with someone else. Her mother has no place in that relationship, or yours. This sounds like a lot of manipulation and game playing. Why should your ex, and she is your ex, believe that anything has changed because you took her for granted before....I would just let it be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sonypirates Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 Good responses. Thanks guys. Many of the issues you brought up is what I'm worried about too. Especially since it's possibly false hope. edit: Must admit though from what everyone is telling me and especially the mom, I think I'm going to act on it at least once. I know it's a possible long shot and most or everyone here will tell me to do otherwise though. haha. Will update when that time comes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 It is totally false hope because if she wanted to be with you she could contact you. To go thru friends, or even her mom, and not break up with whomever she is with now, is nothing but game playing. Have some dignity and walk away --- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thorshammer Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Depends, because the mom could be this girls mouthpiece, or she is telling you what she wants and not what your ex wants. Think of the relationship the daughter and mother share, and the relationship you share with the mom, maybe that might give you an idea to the agenda they got going on. If you neglected her recently, you should never go no contact. You are just further proving to her that her decision was right. If you neglected her over a long period, it would be a toss up, but you have to try to get her back after the break up, if at the very most you planted the seed that you want to work things out. Basically, dont push away during the break up if you pushed away from her during the relationship, that makes no sense. If you can "man up" and contact without breaking down, then do it. Test the waters, you fail, oh well, go back to no contact. Get that out of your chest, but if you fail, stop listening to the mom, because she is obviously not speaking for her daughter. And dont come out and say, "AYE, YOU ME, BACK TOGETHER, NOW". Keep it friendly, positive, and express confidence, coolness and dont jump on every word, and dont chase. Hit her up as a friend, not a desperate ex, let her do the work, just open communications and expression those traits i mentioned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I have thought more and think that: 1) If mom is her mouthpiece, she has severe communication issues. Why can't she talk to you herself. 2) If you do get back together, mom will be too involved in your relationship. I mean, is the mom going to feel like she is owed or is the daughter going to go to the mother with every little complaint about you? 3) If the daughter did not ask mom to do anything and she finds out her mom did this she would be angry. 4) She is not waiting around. she has a new boyfriend. Sorry to say , the only way you will get back together is if you run in her accidentally without "help" and you are able to carry on a conversation and she is single and thought about giving you another try before she ran into you by accident. For now, i woudl respect her new relationship and let things take their course. you don't want her to rebound with you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EgoJoe Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I think you would do well to ask her mom what her intentions are and say that you're trying to heal and gain perspective for now. Plus respect her current relationship etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MakeItCount Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I think you should tell her mom that while you appreciate her concern, you would appreciate it more if she not talk to you about your ex as you're moving on. New bf = huge deal breaker. Fall off the radar and stop talking to her mom, friends, etc. Currently, she probably knows she can have you back whenever she wants. So what's the incentive? She gets to try out this new guy with no danger of being left in the dust. Take that comfort away from her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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